a little frustrated

(cycle 6, day 21, 4 dpo)

well i ovulated right on schedule, cd 17. who knew using an actual basal thermometer would make that much of a difference? certainly not me, lol. its amazing how regulated my temps actually are when using the right thermometer, and clear as day when i o'd. too bad hubby still doesn't understand how the female cycle works even after i explained it to him last cycle.... so because of that, we missed out on this cycle  : (  i am bummed because of it because it feels like he's not even trying and therefore doesnt actually want a baby. i know that's not how it actually feels, but all his ignorace is really starting to wear on me. i told him back when i started this cycle when i would be fertile so that he knew so he could actually do something about it. what happened this month? he was incredibly busy during that time and never got around to bd'ing until 2 days after i o'd. a cycle wasted. when i told him it was too late for a baby, he just sounded like he didnt believe me that that's how it works, that once you ovulate you basically have that day and possibly the next to make it happen if you haven't already. a complete waste. i can't even explain how i feel about this. i know that when af shows up, even though i know she will because we didn't do anything this cycle, i'll still be upset, like i failed somehow. i know its a crazy thought, but when its something you want so bad and month after month is wasted from lack of effort, it gets discouraging. i really hope he remembers that i told him i'll be fertile again at the end of march/beginning of april and actually does something about it.

the good thing to come out of this? our vacation. i'll be able to drink and do things that i possibly wouldn't have been able to do (like swim with dolphins, there's a disclaimer right on their website) if i was pregnant. i'm still bummed that i won't be, but at least i can take full advantage of the all inclusive feature of our vacation. it will aslo help pass the time while i'm in the 2ww. i'll still have a few days when we get back to fret over it and overanalize any symptom i may or may not have, but at least i won't have the full two weeks to do that.... and if it does happen next month? i'll end up with a christmas baby. the one thing i didn't want when we decided to start a family, haha. it would just figure that that would be what happens.