warning that this post contains a lot of raw emotions and some details that i probably shoudln't even be sharing via the internet, but i need somewhere where i can just spew everything i'm feeling at this current point in time.....
pretty sure we've failed yet another cycle. i have far too many feelings on the topic and this could turn into a novel very quickly.
my temps have been dropping the last 2 days so AF is expected today or by first thing tomoro morning. i was getting excited because i was beginning to think that this was actually going to happen and i would be pregnant since i had a very low temp in the time period that could potentially be implantation and then my temps went back up. i had 3 negative pregnancy tests but i still had hope that it was just too early to show up and that it would be a couple days later, then the dropped temps. i didn't bother testing at that point since that's always how it goes, it just happened a day later than normal (hence being more positve than other cycles by 11dpo).
so now i get to have the uncomfortable conversation with my doc about what to do to try to speed up the process. i just don't want to be told that we have to BD more because that's our biggest problem right now due to DH's low sex drive (tmi i'm sure, but i really need to get this off my chest since i don't have friends that i can openly talk to about this who understand what it's like to still be trying after more than a year). i'm hoping there's something she can give me without dh having to go to the doctor to talk about it because if that's what has to happen i might as well start accepting life without kids because a doctor is the last person he would go to even if it would help us along.
on top of not being pregnant yet, i've been reminding dh to make an appt to get his hernia looked at more closely so that he can get it taken care of and take some much needed time off without taking stress leave. but now i have to worry about him getting surgery before my fertile week next cycle and then sabotaging that cycle altogether and possibly the next cycle after that and not being able to even try until the new year.
i hate that i have to even think about any of this. i hate that i'm not pregnant yet. i hate that its taking this long. i hate that i feel like my husband doesn't even care. i hate that he won't talk to me if he is getting worried that it is taking so long. i hate this whole process and it makes me want to only have one child (if we get that far) because i don't want to go through this again to have a second child.
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