i'm going to start off by saying that i started this post almost a week ago so it should all be past tense, as in last cycle, not this cycle as in current...
so its no lie that i have been really struggling with our decision to NTNP. i'm not sure if its because its the first month of doing it so it was a bit of a shock to the system and everyone that goes this route deals with these kinds of emotions, or if its just me :-/
i knew when i was fertile this cycle but there wasn't anything i could do about it. DH wasn't having any of it so there was absolutely no chance for a baby this month... it drove me crazy not having any control over this and the amount of emotions i was dealing with. it just got worse near the end of and i basically had an emotional break down. its all too much to deal with but i don't know how best to deal with it either. i really am struggling, like bad.
we've talked a tiny bit, and so far have only decided that we will begin TTC fully again starting around our second wedding anniversary in 2 months. i've also decided that i will find a fitness or bootcamp type class to help distract myself during the week when i have far too much time to wallow in my self pity and thinking to myself. so far, since making these decisions, i have been doing a little better because i know what the game plan is and its not all up in the air anymore. TTC is no longer "at some point in future".
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