Feeling Pretty Blah Lately...

(cycle 3, day 24)

i dont know why, but thats how i feel the last few weeks. i'm not really happy with myself. i'm not depressed or anything like that, its just the feeling i have lately and i think it mostly has to do with being the only employee in the office and still not given any more responsibility, the extra weight i've put on and the lack of fetus in my tummy. i feel like i'm lacking purpose right now. i know i'm not actually lacking purpose but it just feels that way.
lack of work responsibilities bothers me since i feel like my boss is stunting my potential. hence i am beginning training for a better job that pays me what i'm worth. he said that he needs to pass more responsibility onto me because he's often not here or clients call and i dont know what to tell them. he has yet to actually grant this responsibility to me...
the weight gain bothers me since my clothes dont fit all that great anymore, something i'd be okay with if it were for a purpose. a food baby isnt at all attractive compared to a human baby.
which ties into the lack of fetus i am growing... i know we're not quite at the point where we were going to start actively trying, but you cant blame me for being dissappointed when AF shows up each month. it doesnt help that he tells me he wants to have a baby but then doesnt follow through. i'm not blaming him for it not happening yet, but it takes more than just myself to get the deed done. its too late into this cycle to do anything about it, so i hope we actually start really trying next month. i'd be shocked if i already am pregnant though. it would be the most effortless conception ever, aside from those that get pregnant on their first cycle within the first couple attempts....

on a brighter note, my house is finally clean! we got the rec room done 3 weeks ago and have basically been down there ever since, lol. i love the way it turned out. we (we i) painted the longest wall red and it looks awesome behind the tv. also got some of the frames out and hung them on the wall. there's more seating down there to have ppl over instead of making ppl sit on the floor. and we each have a couch for when he has a nap, i dont have to force my way onto the couch, lol.

after xmas, we'll be moving the computer desk down there too and we'll be able to start getting the old computer room fixed up to be turned into a baby's room. it mostly just needs paint and work in the closet. maybe that will get him to baby dance with me more often... ;)