I Just Want to be a Mom, Is That Too Much to Ask?

(cycle 8, day 19)

i'm starting to wonder if i'll ever ovulate this month. that temp spike on sunday was because of my complete lack of sleep the night before. it bums me out because i just wanted to ovulate and baby dance at the right times, get pregnant and not have to worry about trying again until we decide have baby #2 and just BD whenever. this may not be the case anymore : (
i just want to have a baby of my own. my sister-in-law is probably moving sometime in the next couple months so i won't have my neice to cuddle and spoil anymore. my good friend is having hers in 2 months but i don't see her enough to get my fill of babies to help calm my baby-on-the-brain. i wish i had someone else in the same situation that i knew really well to talk to about this. i have the girls on 'mommyhood' (a facebook app) but i don't know any of the them personally or even as a cyber friend to really like someone understands what i'm going through right now.
at this point in time, if this isn't our month, i'm really considering giving up on having kids, and it hurts tremendously to say that. it's getting harder and harder to see AF come to town when i want so badly for her to take an extended vacation. i just want it to be our turn! what hurts almost as much as not being pregnant already is that hubby doesn't see how much it hurts me that i'm not already. i don't know what to do anymore. i want to say that we're going to stop thinking about (well more like i'm going to stop thinking about it) and just let it be for the next couple months, but how do you stop counting your cycle days? because i know i ovulate between CD 15 and 18, i have a hard time not paying attention to the calendar to know what day i'm on so i know if we should be BDing or not and when AF should be showing up because we didn't BD at the right time. it's like my own form of hell.
i give up. this is supposed to be an exciting time in our lives and it's starting to feel like a nightmare...