"relax"

(cycle 24, day 22, 8 dpo)

well, i must say, it feels like we literally just started TTC instead of just again because i'm so antsy to test already, lol. my temps are pretty high, not super high and not higher than i've had in past cycles, but its still high, so i'm hoping that's good. i forwent temping over the weekend in an effort to take it easy and "relax" (which i have a massive rant about the word "relax"), so its not helping my obsessive TTC nature because i'm constantly wondering if i had temped that maybe i'd've seen an implantation dip on monday... either way, my temp is on an upward trend (based on 2 days worth of temps, lol) so i'm crossing my fingers it stays up there! not much in the way of symptoms, they can all be explained away so i'm trying to read too much into them, even though i really want to. though i do feel a little off today......

and now to switch gears:

as for the "relax" word, yeah. that's been a thorn in my side for the last 8+ months. seriously. fertile ppl just don't get the sting that comes with saying that word to anyone that has been trying longer than 12 months. i tried the relaxed approach when i first put down the BCP. it didn't work very well and we never timed BDing right. that went on for probably 5 months or so. then we were timing BDing, albeit it wasn't the greatest timing each month and that went on for another couple months. finally after about 9 months we were doing better with timing. it then took us about 6 months to get pregnant but i was already into the process 16 months. sadly, we then lost our precious baby. we gave it a good try for 3 months and returned the to the "relaxed" approach and it once again proved useless to us. 3 months we were "relaxed" (as much as you can be when also dealing with home reno's) and again, didn't get pregnant. in fact, "relaxed" is closer to our version of BC. once again we weren't BDing when i was fertile, so how do you expect me to become pregnant by relaxing? HOW? i'm not the virgin mary for fuck sakes! here we are, 2 years into this, and i'm being told to relax by ppl who spent at most 3 months "trying" (not really trying, just having fun and "relaxing")?!?! yeah thanks for the advice but it clearly doesnt work and if i want any shot at getting pregnant, i have to obsessed with it and think about it all the time because when i don't, nothing happens.

so that is why we are going to give it a good go for a few months and if it continues to result in BFNs, i'll be talking to my doc becuase i refuse to live my life childless without putting in an honest effort.

thankyouverymuch!!!!