Charting

(cycle 4, day 10)

Since I've started charting my BBT, I'm not sure how to interpret my temps. I'm using fertility friend to keep all my data stored and have them help me decipher my chart. So far, I think I might have to buy an actual BBT thermometer since my temps are all over the place, varying by .8 degrees some days. Maybe my temps are actually that erratice, or the thermometer isn't the type I should be using. I bought just a simple fever one. It does have the one decimal place temps and it remembers what the last one was so I don't have to turn on any lights to read it in the morning or try to remember what it was before drifting back to sleep or remember to write it down when I do turn on a light to read it. I wait until I get out of bed to go to the washroom and read it then. I can remember what it was after I'm awake and out of bed. Hopefully I'll be able to read when I've ovulated (which is the whole purpose of charting your BBT) and better predict my cycle.

Christmas

So Christmas has passed and now begins the cleanup and catch-up from the holidays...

We had a busy weekend. Friday was spent getting last minute groceries so I wouldn't have to go back until today to do regular groceries. I wasn't about to go anywhere on Boxing Day! Friday night, we went to my moms for homemade pizza and gifts.

I love my mom and my sister, I do, but sometimes their gifts aren't as awesome as they think they are... Granted, my mom did get me some good stuff, but then again, I picked it out. She did get me a plate for serving turkey since last time, I just borrowed hers or used a cookie sheet. Its nice, but not what I would've picked out. Good thing turkey is only a Thanksgiving and Christmas thing. My sister and her boyfriend bought us a 'Date Night' gift basket. The movies are okay, not ones that we really wanted but she didn't know that. She also bought me lingerie and a bone for HayHay. A nice thought, but just because we just got married and have started TTC doesn't mean we need those kinds of things. It was a nice thought though, but the lingerie she picked out, isnt exactly something someone that has body issues would pick out, someone like me.

The highlight of the night was the 'shocking' pens she got for the boys. Mark had no idea what it was, so he was caught off guard and got a good shock. Sean was expecting it so it wasn't a complete surprise, but his reaction was well worth it, the video is priceless.



Saturday we had my sister-in-law and her boyfriend down, which I always love seeing that baby belly of hers :-D I made a turkey, everyone brought something and it turned out great. After supper, I was reminded how much I love my kitchen. I never would have been able to host a turkey dinner in our old apartment since there was very little counter space. If we ever move, I'll never be able to have a smaller kitchen, haha.







My Christmas Cake



Sunday was supper at the grandparents. I always like getting together with the whole family. Everyone loved the cake that I made for my contribution. It was a big hit. Everyone opened gifts and for the most part, everyone got something they wanted or something they needed.



Once again, my mom got everyone one of those gifts that no one needs or really wants, but they put on the 'thank you so much' face so she isnt dissappointed when no one likes it. Last year and this year she got desk calendars for everyone. I find them pretty useless since I have a calendar on my computer and don't need one that has random facts or useless tidbits. All that happens is I forget about it and then peel off 40 at once and read them all and toss them out. My aunt also has a tendency to buy everyone a gift even though we only have to buy for our secret santa and the aunts and uncles buy gifts for the kids. For the most part, she does buy good gifts, but she also ends up also buying useless gifts. Apparently she hasn't noticed that neither Sean or I light candles. I don't mind the dark and Sean has practically every light in the house on all the time. I never did like candles as I see them as a waste of money. Sean has too many lights on for a candle to be useful. We only use them when the power is out, which is almost never.



Christmas Coloured Layers



I always love when my auntie Jen or uncle Larry get my name. They always pick out something awesome. This year my aunt got my name and she bought me some lingerie, something that I actually like (unlike my sisters) and doesn't make me feel like I should lose about 20lbs. She also got me a salad bowl that has its own ice pack, bowls and utensils. Very handy for family things that I have to bring a salad to since I won't need to try to put the salad in the fridge and find the space for it in there. This year, I also happened to have her name. I had a hard time thinking of something to get her and Dylyn didn't really do any of the fishing I asked her to do. When I went to the city to finish my xmas shopping, I looked at the housewares section of Walmart and came across a fondue set, I called Dylyn to ask if she would like one and she was pretty sure she didn't have one and would like one, so I picked it up. I then went to Home Sense to finish her gift off, and to my surprise, it was really easy there. She loved everything I got her and she could've used the fondue set a couple days earlier. Perfect, I was pretty proud of myself for what I bought her ;-)

It's now Monday, and I get to slowly get my house back in order from the holidays. A good way to end a very busy weekend, relaxing on  my day off and doing what I need to get done at a slow pace.







Possible Family Reunion Trip

(cycle 4, day 4)

Last night, we got two christmas cards in the mail. Yipee, the first two of the year :D
One was from sean's aunt and uncle and they mentioned that they hoped to see us next summer at the MacLean family reunion. We would really like to go, but with our plans of starting a family, it was kind of a 'if we can, we'll go, and if I'm too pregnant we won't' thing. Well last night I think we decided to put off really trying for another month and just have fun this month but try not to make a baby so that we can go next summer. It's all the way in New Brunswick! and I would really like to meet the rest of his family and he really wants to see his family again. Especially when just about everyone will be there without having to travel around everywhere.

So this month we are going to actively try to not get pregnant and then really start trying after my next cycle. I won't be allowed on a plane at 8 months pregnant, so that is the whole reason for delaying trying. But I did start charting my BBT so that I will know my cycle better and find out if I am for sure ovulating. So far, its only been 3 days, lol.

Already? Really?!?!

(cycle 4, day 1)

seriously body? you couldnt wait even a couple more days to give my my monthly gift? three and a half weeks between starting periods is just a royal pain in the ass! four weeks, not so bad, not desirable, but better than what i got this month. so i went from 33 days to 30 days to 26 days. what's the next one gonna be? 24 days?! i sure hope things start regulating now.
with this lovely gift this morning, i have no idea how to figure out when i ovulate so we can better time baby dancing. guess i'll have to start really tracking now. like start taking my BBT so i can see when i ovulate and better predict when AF is going to show up.
ugh, just not a happy camper this morning. at least i wont have AF during christmas... but no amazing christmas gift either :(

Training :D

(cycle 3, day 25)

This post doesn't deserve to be lumped in with the previous post, so it gets it's own :P

Today, I got my course material so I can start my training to become an Safety Codes Officer! I'm so excited, but also kinda scared to be doing this whole 'studying' thing again. What if I don't understand the material as well as I should? What if I'm not cut out for 'distance learning'? What if I fail the exams hard core? Just a lot to worry about right now as I embark on this new endeavor, haha

Feeling Pretty Blah Lately...

(cycle 3, day 24)

i dont know why, but thats how i feel the last few weeks. i'm not really happy with myself. i'm not depressed or anything like that, its just the feeling i have lately and i think it mostly has to do with being the only employee in the office and still not given any more responsibility, the extra weight i've put on and the lack of fetus in my tummy. i feel like i'm lacking purpose right now. i know i'm not actually lacking purpose but it just feels that way.
lack of work responsibilities bothers me since i feel like my boss is stunting my potential. hence i am beginning training for a better job that pays me what i'm worth. he said that he needs to pass more responsibility onto me because he's often not here or clients call and i dont know what to tell them. he has yet to actually grant this responsibility to me...
the weight gain bothers me since my clothes dont fit all that great anymore, something i'd be okay with if it were for a purpose. a food baby isnt at all attractive compared to a human baby.
which ties into the lack of fetus i am growing... i know we're not quite at the point where we were going to start actively trying, but you cant blame me for being dissappointed when AF shows up each month. it doesnt help that he tells me he wants to have a baby but then doesnt follow through. i'm not blaming him for it not happening yet, but it takes more than just myself to get the deed done. its too late into this cycle to do anything about it, so i hope we actually start really trying next month. i'd be shocked if i already am pregnant though. it would be the most effortless conception ever, aside from those that get pregnant on their first cycle within the first couple attempts....

on a brighter note, my house is finally clean! we got the rec room done 3 weeks ago and have basically been down there ever since, lol. i love the way it turned out. we (we i) painted the longest wall red and it looks awesome behind the tv. also got some of the frames out and hung them on the wall. there's more seating down there to have ppl over instead of making ppl sit on the floor. and we each have a couch for when he has a nap, i dont have to force my way onto the couch, lol.

after xmas, we'll be moving the computer desk down there too and we'll be able to start getting the old computer room fixed up to be turned into a baby's room. it mostly just needs paint and work in the closet. maybe that will get him to baby dance with me more often... ;)

Training!

well, i guess since office life is getting pretty crappy and i'm going to be leaving with the first opportunity, this is as good a time as any to divulge what i'll be up for the next year...

i just got word back that i can start training to become a safety codes inspector! i've been waiting nearly a month for the safety codes council to do a competency review and they finally got back to me today. about time too since they said it typically takes a week, i waited 2.5 before sending an email to find out what was taking so long only to find out i actually had to send in my diploma. then i waited another 1.5 weeks and another email. finally! she also mentioned that i was granted equivalency for 2 of the courses so i'm not sure if that means i don't have to do them (which would be a score since it would save me over $500) or what? i'll get my review package in the mail in the next week and i can finally start taking the courses.

i'm basically following in my uncles footsteps. i'm just taking less time to do them, lol. he actually persuaded me to follow this path. after he told me how much i could be making and i have the schooling for it, i was convinced. yes, it will probably mean working out of town, but a massive pay raise, benefits and more vacation time? i'll take that over what i'm getting where i am. my future family just can't really survive off the money we bring in right now without always feeling money pinched.

it will probably take about a year to get all the training done so that i can get the most pay off the bat instead of getting an employer to pay for some of my training. my uncle said each course takes about a month to complete and there's about 12 courses i need to take. i can get started now, finish what i can before i have that future baby, and finish what isn't done during mat leave so i can find a new job when my mat leave runs out. that's my plan for now. it may change, it may not.

its a fantastic step in the right direction!!!

:'-(

(cycle 3, day 3)

Well, my coworker is now on a contract work basis. Our boss decided to send her home today with pay for the next pay period (probably because there isn't enough work to keep both of us busy) because she's entitled to it if he sends her home. So for the first time in 4.5 years, I'm alone in the office again.
I dislike being the only one in the office. I get no ppl interaction. I feel lonely all the time. It's quiet. It's harder to just go grab coffee for a quick break. Harder to do appointments during the day.
I worked the first year here by myself. It wasn't bad then since I had a second job at a restaurant so I got to talk to other ppl and not feel like a shut-in. I also lived at home so I saw my mom and sister all the time. Sean's always so busy between the fire department, hockey, working on vehicles, working on the house. I see him every day, but I really only get to spend time with him when our weekly shows are on on Mondays and Thursdays. I miss spending time with him, even more now that I'm alone at work.

Son Of A Freaking Bitch

(cycle 3, day 1)

title speaks for itself. i dont know what to think. i was so sure because of all my symptoms. now what? does my stomach just balloon like it already has for the next how many months until i am pregnant and i feel like a freaking whale until i have a good excuse to have gained a few pounds? i don't even feel sexy or pretty or anything if my stomach wasnt for a baby. so discouraged now cuz it feels like dh doesn't even want to make a baby since he hasn't exactly been keen in practicing making a baby. i know it's only been 2 cycles and we've only just started trying, but it won't stop me from feeling like my body let me down. i know there are plenty of women out there who have been trying for 2+ years and still no baby, but it doesn't stop my wanting a baby any less since we're only starting.
the only thing thats making me hold out hope is if it's just spotting and i actually am pregnant, but now i wont know for a couple hours.
i'm so mad. if thats what typical pregnant women feel like, i dont want to know how i'm going to feel if this is me not pregnant....

My Grandma's Book

(cycle 2, day 29)

so my grandma has written her life story. i read it. is it something i enjoyed reading? yes, except for the very scattered format it was written in. it's like a bunch of random facts just kinda thrown together in some order, but slightly out of order and seemingly having no tie to the previous paragraph or the proceeding paragraph. cuz of that, it was a little hard to read. the family tree that she has in the back is really confusing since there's not really any uniformity in the format. don't get me wrong, i really enjoyed learning things about her life and the rest of the family's history that i didn't know before, it was just a bit hard to read and keep the timeline straight.


as for my story, i still don't know for sure if i'm pregnant. no AF, but no BFP either. i'm still pretty sure that i am, but now i have to wait a few more days to find out for sure. either i get AF or i don't. i'm waiting until wednesday (CD 33) to test again. all of this coming after my boss talked to me yesterday about slightly restructuring the office. once i do know for sure that i'm pregnant, whenever that may be, i don't know what other 'restructuring' he's going to do when both of us are pregnant knowing we'll be on maternity leave at the same time.... i just hope i can keep my job with the same hours until i can do otherwise.