timing

(day 16, O day)

i'm finally Oing! took long enough  >: ( 

all week I was waiting for a positive opk and I finally got one yesterday. i'm really hoping we get a Christmas surprise. the timing would all be prefect. not having to go to MIL's wedding to see DH's cousin's baby who's due the day before I was (i'm sure I've mentioned it a few times), having the baby well before my BFs wedding, easily going through a couple of the first weeks being distracted because we'll be so busy with xmas, getting out of the first trimester just before our due date (so my mind would hopefully be distracted by a healthy baby growing instead), halfway through the pregnancy around my bday, actually get to be pregnant for a mothers day finally, and actually be due just in time for DH's bday.

I was starting to get worried this cycle would be a waste just the way it was all working out. I was expecting to O 2 days ago and the BDing we did over the weekend would have counted and DH wouldn't be as worn out as he is (though he is putting in a lot of effort. I think its finally hit him how long we've been at this and how close we've come to it that he doesn't want it to take much longer). I was starting to get worried we wouldn't get any BDing in that would count. we were supposed to BD Tuesday but DH came home super late. we BDd the next day at lunch which usually fails miserably, but thankfully we pulled it off because i'm not sure how after work would have went after already trying it at lunch. better not to wait and chance it not happening at all. then I was worried it wouldn't happen last night because DH came home a little later than usual from fire practice, but we worked it out. so at least we have some baby stuff in there. I just hope it actually turns into a baby  :-/

and if it does turn into a baby, then I get to worry about seeing the specialist before we leave for Ontario. i'm basically forced to test early so that I can know about it as soon as possible so I can have a chance of getting an apt on short notice (like at most 3-4 days before we leave). and that's if I implant as early as the last two because if I can't get a BFP before AFs scheduled arrival, I doubt i'll get in to see him at 4 weeks like he wants, it will be closer to 7 weeks since Ontario will take up the first 2.5 weeks... at least that would mean I'd be getting an US pretty much right after we get back. so I guess there's some kind of silver lining... provided it doesn't all go to hell before that point... I hate the psychological mindgames a MC causes you. all these worries that doesn't do anyone any good.