It's Been A While



my sisters birthday cupcakes

(cycle 10, day 24, 7 dpo)

i'm getting terrible at updating, lol.

not much has gone on, well actually that's a lie, its been very busy lately, lol.



first we had my sister's bday supper, just the 4 of us and my mom. i made cupcakes with my cousin Hanna that weekend and got to try out fondant. i mostly did it so i could try it out for when i do my mom's cake this week. that stuff is awesome! it tastes so yummy, just a very thick version of buttercream icing. but i think when i do my moms cake, i might need to make it a bit thicker cuz it was pretty flimsy on my first attempt.

HayHay swimming

canada day weekend we went to my aunt and uncles cabin on Jackfish Lake, Sask. it was nice to get away for the weekend and do some "camping" (we slept in our tent and brought some of our own food, but still had the comforts of home because of their cabin, hehe) with HayHay for the first time. i felt bad for our pup because she was 'locked up' in her pen most of the weekend or on a leash, but she's never had so many walks in a 3 day period, lol. hubby did some fishing and got an awesome pic with my cousins after he caught it. the boys went out sunday morning for some fishing and came back with 3 fish for lunch. i wasn't a very big fish person bef ore because my mom hates the smell and i've never really  been around it, but this fish was great! we also did  some tubing on the seadoo which was fun even though i was only in the tube once. otherwise i was a spotter for my uncle which is still fun to do but man were my arms sore from holding on for those two days, haha. we headed home on the sunday around supper time after a full day and we were exhausted, especially HayHay. she slept the entire way home and pretty much until we got home from work the next day.

since that weekend, its been a little less busy, not much, but a little. now we're in full planning/prep mode for my moms bday party this weekend. we've got most the supplies except the buns for burgers/hotdogs and cheese. i'll be glad with this over because a certain family member has kind of ruined it for me and my sister. i'm not planning another family bday again that's for sure. only for sean and my future kids. this week i still have to bake and decorate the cake (which i can't wait to do) and then help my aunt set up saturday morning. i'm looking forward to next week when we won't be so busy....

I'm A Pro Golfer Now : P

haha, just kidding! but i did improve a ton last night when hubby took me on the course for my first time since i was knee high to a grasshopper when my grandparents used to take us : )

i didn't start out very good, but slowly got better and could whack that ball further than i've done before. that's not to say a handful didn't end up in water hazzards, lol. if i hit one into the water, i'd drop another ball and if that one ended up with its sibling i'd just wait and start again further up the course away from those water hazzards that happen to have swollowed my balls. and i never once got overly frustrated. probably because we weren't at the driving range so i had some time to gather myself while walking to meet my ball and hit it again.

now if only i could be consistent in my swing... guess i'll have to go more often ; )

well that's that

(cycle 10, day 1)

it pains to say/write that we're nearing that one year mark since i've been off the pill and 'not preventing' a pregnancy. but really, we've only actively tried the last 2 months out of the last 9 and we're onto our 10th cycle. when talking to one of the nurses that often does my dressing change (yes, i'm still dealing with that!) she suggested i talk to my doctor since you don't really need to do all the waiting some resources suggest you do before getting tested for infertility (writing that actually hurt more than thinking it because now it's out there instead of just in my head). i explained that even though we've been 'trying' for 9 months, there was really only a handful of months that it actually could've worked so i think i decided for us that we'll wait until christmas (that hurt a little too thinking that far ahead and not automatically thinking that i would be pregnant by then) to start testing for infertility (again, ouch).

last month i decided to try a month without tracking my BBT but my CM has never really been reliable. when i thought i should be expecting my monthly gift, i got extremely frustrated when she didn't show and i got a BFN along with slight spotting for 2.5 days. i'm now having just about the worst case of back pain i've had in a very long while and random cramps that hurt like the dickens. i'm not a happy camper today, i especially wasnt the past 3 days while i was limbo waiting for something to happen.

so now we're at a point where i'm not sure i want to continue trying because of our plans to build that addition to the house next spring. basically if we're successful anytime in the next 3 months, its going to be incredibly chaotic around the possible due date. i'm worried because when we are building, i definately won't be able to do very much and i'll feel helpless and DH will feel like he's the only one doing any work around the house. i'll either be heavily pregnant or caring for a newborn who takes all my time all day long.

having a baby during renovations just sounds like a bad idea and i can already see how its going to play out: i'm going to be taking care of a baby all day long while hubby is at work; he'll get home from work and then get straight to work on the addition while i continue to care for a baby; he'll want to go to bed and i'll be up all night caring for a baby because hubby is too tired from all the hard work he puts in everyday and i won't get any help with a baby and be running on no sleep because i'll be up all night and day taking care of OUR baby. definately not how i picture our first months with a new baby : (

but even with all that, we don't want to put trying on hold because god knows how much longer it could take us after we would start trying again. i also can't help but think if we're successful this month that i would happen to go into labour on a day that either supplies are showing up for the addition (like concrete trucks) or his dad and step-mom flying in and we'll be at the hospital and everything will be at a standstill and people will be left at the airport. ARGH!!! lets just hope everything falls into place and i don't have to worry about any of that....

and so because we're going to continue trying, i renewed my fertility friend membership (mostly because i like to track my temps so i know exactly which day to expect AF instead of about which day she'll show up. plus then i get the extra features like the pregnancy tracker after ovulation : P

Who Are You and What Have You Done With My Husband ; )

i got home from work last night and hubby was already working on the screen door at the front of the house, had already bought a new drill to replace our old heavy clunky one and glued the foot board back under the cabinets. it was like i was in a twilight zone with how much he got done, haha. i joked with him about what he did to my old husband and thanked him for getting all that work done. i hope his motivation continues : )

frustrations

i know i haven't been updating as often as i want to be but life's just been crazy busy lately. especially since my family has 3 times a year that practically every weekend is spent doing some sort of family meal. these times happen from mothers day right to the middle of july (this one includes: mother's day, a cousin's birthday, father's day, my grandma's birthday, my sister's birthday, canada day and my mom's birthday), then there's all of september with 5 birthdays and ends with thanksgiving, and finally christmas. this happens to be one of those times and its usually when i get very frustrated and tired of my family to where i don't want to be around them for a couple months.

this year is particularly bad since we're planning my mom's 50th surprise party so dealing with family to plan has proven difficult. my sister and i have gone to our aunt to help us, not take over the planning which she has done. it's to a point that i don't want to talk to her about it because she either complains about something we did or she talks forever about stuff that doesn't really matter. she's already ruined the surprise aspect after we already had a plan in place to make sure the guest of honour would be at her party and that her friends would be invited. apparently she wasn't there when we had this conversation at her house. the invitations weren't out yet and i told my aunt that i would ask my sister what the hold up was and find out when she would get them out. she then took it upon herself, even though i told her i would do it, to call my sister about the invitations so she ended up feeling bullied and kind of hastily made them (which i still think they were done nicely). my aunt then made a big deal about them because she wasn't sent the draft to make sure it had everything in it (which probably should've been done so we don't have to send out a revised invite, but that's besides the point) and then wasn't happy with the way it looked. she wanted it to look like one of the email invites we get from another aunt for all their bdays.

the only reason we even asked her to help us was because we needed to have the party at her house since she has the best yard/setup out of the family to host it. she then took control from there. i don't even want to plan it anymore, but i have to because then i'll feel guilty. i guess i should work on that invitation getting resent with revised info.....

urgh!!! x10000

Smallville

we finally got caught up on all our shows (we d/l a good chunk of our shows and had a pretty good stock pile built up at the end of tv season and it took us three weeks to get around to watching the last 3 episodes of Smallville) and save Smallville for last since it's our all-time favourite show.

it was the series finale *tear* and IMO it did the Superman franchise justice. i just wish they would keep all the actors from the series for the upcoming superman movie next year. i don't think it will be the same after watching tom welling, erika durance and michael rosenbaum play those roles. sure, kevin spacey did an awesome job as lex luthor in Superman Returns, but after watching the series, it was weird having that age gap between clark and lex in the movie as oppose to the smaller age gap in the tv show.

the series did an aweome job with the transition of Smallville's Clark Kent/Kal-El to Superman/Man of Steel. especially finally letting him fly and don the tights for the first and only time of the series even though they've been taunting us for the last season on when he was finally going to do so. and having lex come back at the end was almost as epic as having the Superman theme music play at the end of the episode when clark has made the final transition to the superhero everyone knows. just as awesome: the end credits resembling the way the credits are in the movies.

now to watch the entire series of that 70's show before i watch the entire smallville series again... : )

Taking a Break (so to speak)

(cycle 9)

well i'm not going to be a mom just yet. and just so i don't get myself worked up about timing everything right, i'm taking a break from tracking temps and what cycle day i'm on. maybe this will help, maybe it won't but we'll see in a month or so if it does us or me any good.
i don't know if i could handle being one of those couples who have to try for years to ever be successful at getting pregnant. i think it tear me to shreds if it takes much longer than it already is and there is only so much one person can do...

New Spectacles

 (cycle 8, day 33)

I picked up my new glasses last night. They are awesome, well I mean as awesome as glasses can get.

I've been getting a dull pain near my eyes so I figured it was time to get my eyes checked out and do something about it than have a headache everyday. It started just before we went to Mexico, but the break from my computer for 9 hours a day helped it go away for a while. It started back up 3.5 weeks ago, so I made an appointment, got them checked, picked out some frames and finally got them in my possession yesterday : )


They're super cute and fit my face perfectly (as per the ladies at the optometrists who helped me pick some out, lol). Now I just have to get used to them, which I think I have now and haven't gotten that dull pain yet either. I just have to get used to the transition from not wearing them to wearing them and how long it takes for my eyes to adjust. It'll happen, but at least its taking care of the pain. Yay!

I Just Want to be a Mom, Is That Too Much to Ask?

(cycle 8, day 19)

i'm starting to wonder if i'll ever ovulate this month. that temp spike on sunday was because of my complete lack of sleep the night before. it bums me out because i just wanted to ovulate and baby dance at the right times, get pregnant and not have to worry about trying again until we decide have baby #2 and just BD whenever. this may not be the case anymore : (
i just want to have a baby of my own. my sister-in-law is probably moving sometime in the next couple months so i won't have my neice to cuddle and spoil anymore. my good friend is having hers in 2 months but i don't see her enough to get my fill of babies to help calm my baby-on-the-brain. i wish i had someone else in the same situation that i knew really well to talk to about this. i have the girls on 'mommyhood' (a facebook app) but i don't know any of the them personally or even as a cyber friend to really like someone understands what i'm going through right now.
at this point in time, if this isn't our month, i'm really considering giving up on having kids, and it hurts tremendously to say that. it's getting harder and harder to see AF come to town when i want so badly for her to take an extended vacation. i just want it to be our turn! what hurts almost as much as not being pregnant already is that hubby doesn't see how much it hurts me that i'm not already. i don't know what to do anymore. i want to say that we're going to stop thinking about (well more like i'm going to stop thinking about it) and just let it be for the next couple months, but how do you stop counting your cycle days? because i know i ovulate between CD 15 and 18, i have a hard time not paying attention to the calendar to know what day i'm on so i know if we should be BDing or not and when AF should be showing up because we didn't BD at the right time. it's like my own form of hell.
i give up. this is supposed to be an exciting time in our lives and it's starting to feel like a nightmare...

Hopefully This is Our Month!

(cycle 8, day 16)

our chances of actually getting pregnant this month are looking pretty good right now. i'm just waiting to see when FF will say i O'd so that i can count down the days til i can test. today's temp can't really be relied on since i barely slept last night let alone a full 3-4 hours before having to temp and it was not at the same as i temp during the week. the next 2 days will tell me for sure.

i'm hoping i can stay busy enough for the next 2 weeks (during my 2WW) that i will be able to keep my mind off of actually being in the 2WW so i don't drive myself crazy. i know i'm still going to be analyzing every single little symptom until the day comes that i can test and get a BFP or AF shows up. we're women, we can't help it, especially if you have access to internet at the office and they don't monitor your usage (or your boss doesn't have a view of what's on your screen from his desk... but that's another issue).

i just really hope we've done it this time because i'm sick of being dissappointed every time AF shows up even though i know it's inevitable because we don't BD at the right times. this cycle will be the first that's not wasted. *crossing fingers this works*