I Really Need to be Ontop of Posting...

(cycle 25, day 24, 9dpo)

there's so much going on and i'm not posting nearly enough to keep on top of it so i guess i'm going to have to post more than once a week or once every other week...

anyway...

cycle update:
i've already mentioned how low dose aspirin is helping to better regulated my cycles, so no need to reiterate.
got my pos OPK on cd14 and Od on cd15 this cycle. felt some cramping which i guess is a new thing lately when i O. i don't mind, at least i know when O happens without waiting til the next day when i see a temp spike.
felt some cramping on 7dpo that has continued each day since. i'm hoping that was the start of implantation since i definately felt it last time i was pregnant around 6/7dpo. my boobs started hurting around 7dpo, but that's nothing new since that happens every cycle around the same time. monday night i was an irrational mess, lol. i had to do groceries since i was far too busy to do them on sunday, but i also had to make 3 additional stops that i normally don't have to make when i do groceries so it took me an extra half hour on top of the hour it typically takes me (which, btw, why the hell does canadian tire sell master craft shop vacs but not sell any bags to go with them, they only sell shop vac brand bags. annoying and ridiculous) and i was getting super hungry and could tell my blood sugar was getting low cuz i was getting weak and the thought of still having to carry all the bags to the front door and lift them up the 2 foot step that is the front door til we build new ones, sounded like an impossible task and i practically broke down in tears over it. dramatic much? haha. i've also been pretty tired at night, moreso that normal after a busy weekend. my eyes are so heavy by 9pm and 6am just comes way too soon, but the tiredness starts much earlier in the day. i'm also crazy bloated, more than i was last cycle. i did take a test this morning, but it was definately a BFN, but i'm hoping that its just taking a bit for the hcg to build up to give me a BFP in the coming days. last time, i didn't test til 4 days after i felt the implantation cramping and it was pretty faint that i'm not sure if i had tested the day before that i would have even gotten a positive, so that's giving me hope. my temp was hopeful yesterday, not so much today though. went from 36.6 monday to 36.97 yesterday (highest its ever been and had to temp twice to make sure it wasn't a fluke) and 36.8 today (which is more normal for me post O). we'll see what tomoro brings  : )

house update:

our garage slab got poured about a month ago, the driveway as about 2-3 weeks ago, and the walkway about 1-2 weeks ago. so now half the front yard is done. we got the old shed moved to my moms and we built a new one, just waiting for the siding on the house to be done so we can use up the rest on the shed. we worked like busy little bees over the weekend installing all the new windows in the existing half of the house so that we're ready for siding next week. we still have a bit of work to do over this coming weekend, but at least its a manageable list  : )  we have to build new front steps, but that should hopefully only take a few hours. DH also has to put in the exterior electrical/plumbing and take down the last bit of siding. then we can tuck tape the housewrap seams and we're ready! the house will look very different come end of next week!!! for now, i will enjoy how much light comes into the living room with the new windows, lol.

bye bye old shed!

i think that's all for updates right now... if i think of anything that needs to get added, i'll slip it in.

the magic of low dose aspirin

(cycle 25, day 15)

well today might be O day, or tomoro, depends on what today's OPK tells me since i got my positive smiley face yesterday... so that's 2 cycles now that are within a day or two of eachother which rarely ever happened before low dose aspirin. my last cycle of our break was also a short one, so techinically that's 3 shorter cycles, but only 2 on the aspirin. that's never happened before. i'd get shorter and shorter and as soon as i got to Oing on cd14, i'd go back to having longer cycles and then progressively get shorter. i'm so glad its evened out :) no more agonizing waiting to O and getting frustrated worrying about dh getting worn out from having to BD EOD for possibly over a week. it also gets me into another cycle quickly instead of waiting nearly 3 weeks just to O...

i'm still waiting on my OPKs and preseed, was kinda hoping both would have come in the mail last week so i didn't have to use up the last of my digi OPKs this cycle and could use them for one more cycle by waiting til the cheapies started getting darker then use the digis. ah well, since i didn't O yesterday, there's still a chance for the preseed to arrive and be able to get at least some use out of it this cycle if we get super lucky and conceive. if we are that lucky, i'm okay with putting out that money because i'm hoping it jinxed me and i won't need any of it :P

i'm really hoping this cycle is it because the due date would work out perfectly with when my dad is planning on coming out here for my newly engaged sister's wedding... baby would be about a month old and he would get to meet the LO (little one) without a chance of missing it if we need to try another few months... we'd also be able to go back out to my aunt and uncles cabin in saskatchewan again because baby would be just old enough that i would feel comfortable leaving home for a few days/week. otherwise, we'd have to skip out on the cabin if we managed to get pregnant in the following 2-3 months after this cycle because i'd either be right at my due date, or very heavily pregannt and not want to be 5 hours away from home just in case, lol. *fingerscrossedsotightly*

remaining positive

(cycle 25, day 3)

good ol AF... shows up right on time every month... i hate that bitch...

anyway, i'm not in as bad a mood as i thought i would be. probably because i wasn't actually expecting us to be so lucky to conceive the first cycle after our break. i did get a couple evil evaps that were incredibly prominant, but they would show up about 30mins after testing and last a couple hours and then vanish into thin air. last time i got a BFP, it didn't disappear so i knew not to get my hopes up, even though i wanted to.

i've stocked up on OPKs and HPTs (though probably not nearly enough as i'll actually need to last me through all the OPKs, lol) and decided to try out preseed this time. its supposed to help mimic natural cm when ttc, which about 2 days before O i'm always like the sahara dessert and i could use the extra help with lube instead of chugging back shots of robitussin which make me gag (most cherry flavoured liquid meds make me gag).

so with my renewed enthusiasm towards ttc, i'm ready to get this cycle going!

"relax"

(cycle 24, day 22, 8 dpo)

well, i must say, it feels like we literally just started TTC instead of just again because i'm so antsy to test already, lol. my temps are pretty high, not super high and not higher than i've had in past cycles, but its still high, so i'm hoping that's good. i forwent temping over the weekend in an effort to take it easy and "relax" (which i have a massive rant about the word "relax"), so its not helping my obsessive TTC nature because i'm constantly wondering if i had temped that maybe i'd've seen an implantation dip on monday... either way, my temp is on an upward trend (based on 2 days worth of temps, lol) so i'm crossing my fingers it stays up there! not much in the way of symptoms, they can all be explained away so i'm trying to read too much into them, even though i really want to. though i do feel a little off today......

and now to switch gears:

as for the "relax" word, yeah. that's been a thorn in my side for the last 8+ months. seriously. fertile ppl just don't get the sting that comes with saying that word to anyone that has been trying longer than 12 months. i tried the relaxed approach when i first put down the BCP. it didn't work very well and we never timed BDing right. that went on for probably 5 months or so. then we were timing BDing, albeit it wasn't the greatest timing each month and that went on for another couple months. finally after about 9 months we were doing better with timing. it then took us about 6 months to get pregnant but i was already into the process 16 months. sadly, we then lost our precious baby. we gave it a good try for 3 months and returned the to the "relaxed" approach and it once again proved useless to us. 3 months we were "relaxed" (as much as you can be when also dealing with home reno's) and again, didn't get pregnant. in fact, "relaxed" is closer to our version of BC. once again we weren't BDing when i was fertile, so how do you expect me to become pregnant by relaxing? HOW? i'm not the virgin mary for fuck sakes! here we are, 2 years into this, and i'm being told to relax by ppl who spent at most 3 months "trying" (not really trying, just having fun and "relaxing")?!?! yeah thanks for the advice but it clearly doesnt work and if i want any shot at getting pregnant, i have to obsessed with it and think about it all the time because when i don't, nothing happens.

so that is why we are going to give it a good go for a few months and if it continues to result in BFNs, i'll be talking to my doc becuase i refuse to live my life childless without putting in an honest effort.

thankyouverymuch!!!!

post junkie, lol

(cycle 24, day 15, 1 dpo)

apparently i like to post a lot lately....

anyway, today i'm pretty sure i'm 1dpo! finally!!

i wasn't expecting to O so soon because of the OPKs, but i'm okay that i did because we had good BD timing and i can let DH off the hook for anymore because its too late to make a last ditch effort this cycle now anyway. i'm sure he'll appreciate the break though.

so now that i'm in the 2ww, i'll get to over analyze and obsess about every little thing that happens in my body starting at the beginning of next week. debating whether to continue temping next week after i get crosshairs on friday. not sure i want to see my temp drop yet again like all other failed cycles... but on the other hand, if i skip temping weekends, it won't really matter since my temp drop would happen during next weekend so i won't even know about it. i guess that settles it then, lol. it would be cool to see an implantation dip and subsequent temp shift if we are successful, but i'm not counting on it cuz that's just too easy on our first cycle trying again.

picture explosion!

an update on things non-TTC and non-house related, in picture form :)

on father's day, i made golf themed cupcakes, a pinterest find

"ice cream" cupcakes for my sister's bday, yet another pinterest find, lol

in the beginning of july, my baby turned 3! cannot believe we've had her that long!



in july, i made my very first batch of strawberry rhubarb jam!

and with the remaining rhubarb i had, i also made my very first pie!
a little shocking i've never made a pie before considering how much
i like to bake...

another pinterest project that took me far longer to finish than intented...
they look great in the living room though!

at the end of July we went to my uncle's cabin on Jackfish Lake, SK.
DH liked feeding the squirrels crackers while most of my cousins
thought they were creepy and screamed each time they cross their path, lol

while at the lake, we got some fun on the water in the tube and jetski
i particulartly liked zipping around on the jetski

DH was most happy about getting some fishing in and
actually catching something this trip (2 actually).
the story with this pic:
the day's catch yeilded one fish so much uncle said if DH could catch
another one in the 30 mins before supper,that they would fry
them up as a snack before supper like the previous night.
DH accepted the challenge fully intent on succeeding.
the water was calm, perfect for the canoe.
he set out and caught one in 15 mins. as he was trying to get it in the
canoe, he realized he didn't have a net to scoop it up and tried
getting it in with just the hook in its mouth.
we were all on the beach cheering him on for hooking one so quickly...
needless to say, that fish fell back in the lake and he had to start over, lol.
he did manage to catch another one within the original 30 mins, so he
definately completed the challenge, we just didn't eat it til the
next day since supper was ready by that time.

technically his 3rd catch of the trip  :P

i got a lot of opportunities to pull out my camera and practice
(as evidenced in the previous pics)
while out at the lake, one of my favourites being this bright pic of the nearby lighthouse.
...and yes, we climbed all those steps to the top, all of them, lol.

at a friends wedding in august - showing off my much trimmer figure, haha.
(i've got one pound to go til i hit my goal weight!!!)

i had no idea our dog liked water so much, lol.
every time i run a bath for her, i have to carry her upstairs
from the furthest corner of the house to the tub.
when we walk near sprinklers or have one going in the back yard, she makes a
point of walking as far as possible out of the way of the spray from it.
one evening when DH was soaking the garage floor to compact the lose dirt, she was being
curious so he sprayed a bit of water in her direction and she apparently LOVED IT!
he called me outside to watch her and she just kept running in the water being sprayed
out the hose and trying to attack it and eat it like it were attacking her in the first place, lol.
it was super cute and i got a ton of video of it because the pictures just don't do it justice  :)

waiting, story of my life, ha!

(cycle 24, day 13)

dammit, still waiting for a damn positive OPK.... figures, last cycle would be on the shorter side and this cycle i would go right back to being on the longer side and then DH will get worn out before i even O. Ugh! typical though, i guess i should've expected it  :P  at least my temp is still in pre O range so i can't be too far off of it. hopefully by friday i'll have Od and then i can agonize over being in the 2ww, lol.

no sooner do i post this and then get my positive OPK, lol. almost exactly 2 hours after writing about still waiting for that damn positive.... crossing my fingers we get super lucky this cycle!!!

More Progress on the House

(cycle 24, day 8)

side note: i was really trying not to count actual cycle days and just know what day we need to start BDing and that we should do that for a week, is totally working against me, lol.

anyway...

i should mention the ordeal DH went through to get the sewer line tied in... sheesh. we didn't think it would be more than 9 or 10 feet in the ground and had a general idea where it would be. well we were in the right area, but it took us (well him) 3 days to find it  :/  the first day, he spent about 4 hours digging and moving dirt around hoping to find it with no luck and then had a bday part to go to so he put it on hold til the next day. the next day wasn't any more successful. after another couple hours looking for the sewer line and a lot of frustration later, he abondoned the hole for another night. he did have his plumber buddy come over to give him an idea of where it would be. he looked down the main in the road and said it was pretty deep so we probably had a few extra feet left to dig... that could not have been more true. DH found it within about 45 minutes that morning, 13 FEET IN THE GROUND! the machine hoe we had only reaches about 12' directly below itself and since there was already a hole there, he had to do it by hand. such a pain in the ass. didn't help that the hole kept filling with water so he was battling that along with the mud at the bottom giving way under his feet so he didn't have a solid footing. he finally got the fiting in and quickly got to filling the hole back up. we'll definately be hiring someone if we ever need to do that again.... worst idea ever!!!

so fast forward about a week and we started trenching in the garage to run the sewer and electrical lines in the ground and thinking we would be protected from weather... YEAH RIGHT! apparently walls and a floor overhead doesn't stop driving rain from coming it and making a mess of everything  :(  so we had to abandon that ship for another day as there was so much rain coming down it was soaking the ground within 2 or so feet of the doors... not fun. we got back to working on that another day with better success. of course if my DH had even the slightest bit of patience, none of these things that go wrong would seem as bad as they do, but since patience is his nemisis things get blown out of proportion  :P  so we worked on the sewer line and it was hot out so every little annoyance turned into the end of the world, but we got it done  :)

concrete should be getting poured in the next day or two!!! so that also means we'll be getting the windows and doors in the addition in the next week or so when our framer comes back (and possibly the windows and doors in the existing house if we ask him nicely and pay him...). at that point, we can start running electrical lines and the plumbing runs and get those inspections done. and then we can move on to insulation, vapour barrier and drywall, ah!

with the garage slab going in this week, we'll also be getting someone to grade the front yard/driveway and then we can get the driveway poured which is super exciting because we haven't had a driveway in 3 months (4 by the time we can drive on it), lol. we're also hoping to get someone to do the siding and such in september/october so that will wrap up the outside work until the spring  :)

our new furnace is also getting installed. it would have been this week, but the wrong coil thingy for the A/C option was wrong, so they have to wait for the right part to come in next week and they can finish that up. the nights sure are getting cold and it would be nice to turn it back on.

i still have yet to get a pic of the house with all the shingles on the roof... for now, i'll just throw in some other pics of various things having to do with the addition  :)

master bedroom framing

sewer plumbing to existing sewer line

new electrical panel and conduit running
to the panel inside the house

CD 1!!!!!!

(cycle 24, day 1)

finally the day has come where we can actively TTC again :) these last 3 months felt like forever and it wasn't until the last month of the break that i actually felt okay and stressfree about it, go figure.

so i'm keeping updated on cycle days in my TTC posts again... i know i wasn't actively trying for those 3 months so we haven't actually been trying for 24 cycles, but i'm counting from when i ditched the BC, including any cycles were NTNP. thank god AF showed up this early, it means that i shouldn't get AF on either the EDD of our angel baby, or the 2nd anniversary of when we ditched the BC, cuz that would just be the icing on the proverbial cake wouldn't it? i'm arleady dreading those days, i did not want AF pilled on top of it!

anyway, i'm actually looking forward to trying again instead of it being another chore and just something to help ease the pain the of the MC, which i can't believe it has taken me this long to fully heal (6 months). i did feel like i lost a living, breathing child and by MCing, i lost celebrating their birthdays, xmas, easter, halloween, first days of school, graduation.... i missed out on all of that and it really bogged me down. i just didn't realize how much until we took this break over the summer.

so i'm kind of starting fresh, aside from it being nearly 2 years of TTC and a MC of course... i'm ready to jump in feet first and do what i can to get this show on the road! i've started taking baby aspirin, i'm going to be doing OPKs again, and taking my temps again starting cd10 til i get crosshairs confirming O. and seduce my hubby as much as possible when i'm fertile :P  but that's obviously a given since babies aren't made when abstaining, lol.

hopefully the baby dust and magic HPT i got (from very special friends that its worked for) will do its magic now that we'll be actually trying to make a baby instead of being laisse faire, haha.

its been 6 months and i still think of you every day....

how i would be decorating your nursery, watching my tummy move every night, getting excited about our future, how we would discipline you, who's turn it is to change your diaper, packing the hospital bag, setting up the crib, putting the stroller together, strapping in the carseat waiting for your arrival...

i'm still so lost without you...