(cycle 27, day 2)
yet again AF showed up unwelcomed.
i'm getting worn out, exhausted, frustrated, and in general, ready to quit until we can get testing done to get some answers as to wtf is wrong and what is preventing us from conceiving. obviously i'm not going to just quit TTC because who knows, maybe one of the next 2 cycles before testing will be the lucky one for us. but if history has shown us anything, it won't be. its just that possibility that it could be that has me still wanting to attempt anything. fuck do i hate this process with a passion lately.
so this cycle, i'll be foregoing temping and just doing OPKs. they have been reliable for me before, and the second last time i did this, we made a baby (it didn't work for us in may when i tried it, but did back in december). i'm hoping the next 2 cycles will be exactly like the last 4 (O cd14/15 and AF on cd26-28 with a 12/13 day LP) which is pretty damn regular for me compared to before. i think the low dose aspirin is helping. its made the last 2 cycles exactly the same and even extended my LP an extra day. if just doing OPKs doesn't work this cycle, i'll be ditching all of it because there's no point when we'll be on vacation for most of my fertile time (we might be back home by O day). maybe that will do the trick. idk anymore.
so doc appt at the end of this month. 3 weeks from now... i just want some damn answers :-/
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
symptom hunting
(cycle 26, day 22, 7dpo)
trying not to get my hopes up and trying to chalk up any symptoms to other things and causes.
1. cramping/twinges in the morning when i first wake up. chalking it up to just paying far too much attention to every little thing going on in my body.
2. nose bleed. well more of a bit of blood when i blow my nose. chalking it up to breathing in too much drywall dust or insulation fibres yesterday.
3. frequent urination. chalking it up to it all being in my head. this one is standing out to me the most. typically i only have to pee once or twice (including fmu) before lunch time and by 10:30 my count was up to 4... that's not like me and i didn't drink any more liquids than i normally do in the morning.
4. fatigue. felt it all day but chalking it up to just being tired from spending a good portion of yesterday not bundled up in a warm blanket and working in the chilly addition. it could also be a lack of sleep, but i feel more tired than pretty much every single day last week with the same amount of sleep.
my chart isnt telling me much. temp is pretty average so nothing is standing out yet. i'm really hoping this is it since i had a bit of a freak out last week when my doc had to reschedule my nov 23rd appt and the first possible date was for nov 7... kind of a "shit's getting real" kind of moment when i realized how soon i'd be talking to my doc about fertility testing (2 weeks at the time). since if i get AF and not a BFP, i'd only be on cd3/4, that doesn't work for physicals so i had to schedule the appt for later on and ended up just 3 days after the original appt so all was well with my psyche and the timing of everything right now.
hoping i'll have more interesting things to post about very soon...... fingerscrossed!
trying not to get my hopes up and trying to chalk up any symptoms to other things and causes.
1. cramping/twinges in the morning when i first wake up. chalking it up to just paying far too much attention to every little thing going on in my body.
2. nose bleed. well more of a bit of blood when i blow my nose. chalking it up to breathing in too much drywall dust or insulation fibres yesterday.
3. frequent urination. chalking it up to it all being in my head. this one is standing out to me the most. typically i only have to pee once or twice (including fmu) before lunch time and by 10:30 my count was up to 4... that's not like me and i didn't drink any more liquids than i normally do in the morning.
4. fatigue. felt it all day but chalking it up to just being tired from spending a good portion of yesterday not bundled up in a warm blanket and working in the chilly addition. it could also be a lack of sleep, but i feel more tired than pretty much every single day last week with the same amount of sleep.
my chart isnt telling me much. temp is pretty average so nothing is standing out yet. i'm really hoping this is it since i had a bit of a freak out last week when my doc had to reschedule my nov 23rd appt and the first possible date was for nov 7... kind of a "shit's getting real" kind of moment when i realized how soon i'd be talking to my doc about fertility testing (2 weeks at the time). since if i get AF and not a BFP, i'd only be on cd3/4, that doesn't work for physicals so i had to schedule the appt for later on and ended up just 3 days after the original appt so all was well with my psyche and the timing of everything right now.
hoping i'll have more interesting things to post about very soon...... fingerscrossed!
Monday, October 22, 2012
3 for 3
(cycle 26, day 15)
i'm currently on my 3rd cycle since starting TTC again with the addition of low dose aspirin. its also my 5th consecutive cycle that has been between 26-28 days! i'm sure i hadn't started using the aspirin, i would have had those last 2 months of our break be that long, and then it would've gotten longer again, but to be consistently having cycles around the 4 week length mark, is great! no more waiting almost 3 weeks to O, but having to start BDing on cd10 in case i had a cycle that i was going to O late and then it just feels like time is dragging on when i don't O til cd19. the only thing i hate is that i have to deal with AF too often.
i'm really hoping 3rd times the charm since our break, cuz this whole TTC for over 2 years is getting super old!
on top of all this, i've finally booked my yearly physical with my doc for end of november... hoping that i'll be pregnant by then, but if not, i'll be able to get the requisition forms to get testing done in the new year when the house is done, so we can figure out why its taking so damn long. i'm just ready to be pregnant and have a baby already so that i'm not heading into my mid 30's by the time we think about baby #2...
UPDATE: as of october 25, i'm 3dpo! O'd on cd 15 (the day i made this post)
i'm currently on my 3rd cycle since starting TTC again with the addition of low dose aspirin. its also my 5th consecutive cycle that has been between 26-28 days! i'm sure i hadn't started using the aspirin, i would have had those last 2 months of our break be that long, and then it would've gotten longer again, but to be consistently having cycles around the 4 week length mark, is great! no more waiting almost 3 weeks to O, but having to start BDing on cd10 in case i had a cycle that i was going to O late and then it just feels like time is dragging on when i don't O til cd19. the only thing i hate is that i have to deal with AF too often.
i'm really hoping 3rd times the charm since our break, cuz this whole TTC for over 2 years is getting super old!
on top of all this, i've finally booked my yearly physical with my doc for end of november... hoping that i'll be pregnant by then, but if not, i'll be able to get the requisition forms to get testing done in the new year when the house is done, so we can figure out why its taking so damn long. i'm just ready to be pregnant and have a baby already so that i'm not heading into my mid 30's by the time we think about baby #2...
UPDATE: as of october 25, i'm 3dpo! O'd on cd 15 (the day i made this post)
Monday, October 15, 2012
GOAL!!!
i cannot believe i finally did it. i reached my WW goal 2 weeks ago and i totally forgot to post about it, lol. the first 25lbs were the easiest and didn't seem like much work, but the last 10 felt like they took just as long to lose as the first 25.
in total, it took me 9 months to lose 35lbs. i joined august 31/2011 at 159.6lbs, took 3 months off when i got pregnant and MC'd to heal emotionally before jumping back in, and reached goal on october 3/2012 at 124.2lbs.
its taken a lot of work and determination, and going to meetings cuz without them, i probably wouldn't have stuck with it and been able to lose all the weight i gained in the first year of marriage and then some.
so now i'm in the maintenance phase of WW and have to maintain my weight for 6 weeks. I can go up 2lbs over my goal, but no more, otherwise, i have to get back down to goal and start the 6 weeks over again. i can continue losing if i want and if my body will allow it (not sure how much more i could possibly lose cuz i'm not at all sure what my body will be comfortable with) down to the minimum weight WW advises for my height. i've done one week and have 5 more to go, i have a feeling the food/drinks i had this past weekend won't mean good things on the scale this week, but i'm back to my morning workout and i've got to drink a shitton of water to flush it out : P along with reaching goal, i also got my last charm/souvenir from WW. i got a keychain when i lost 10% of my starting weight. i got a charm for the keychain when i lost 25lbs. and 2 weeks ago, i got another charm for finally reaching goal. i even use the keychain and have the charms on it so that i hopefully never forget what it took to lose the weight and help me stay motivated to keep the weight off!
in total, it took me 9 months to lose 35lbs. i joined august 31/2011 at 159.6lbs, took 3 months off when i got pregnant and MC'd to heal emotionally before jumping back in, and reached goal on october 3/2012 at 124.2lbs.
its taken a lot of work and determination, and going to meetings cuz without them, i probably wouldn't have stuck with it and been able to lose all the weight i gained in the first year of marriage and then some.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_and_Infant_Loss_Remembrance_Day
just bringing some awareness to the subject : )
just bringing some awareness to the subject : )
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
the eh, the bad and the good...
(cycle 26, day 2)
1. AF showed up on monday, and i was super hopeful last week too. bugger. i had great symptoms, felt pregnant, had a temp spike, but that was it. temp dived by the end of the week so i knew it was coming. didn't stop AF from being a day late though. i even tested one last time the day she was due because i wasn't having any AF symptoms (but any pregnancy ones had all disappeared). we went to a concert the day she was due so i had to go prepared and then the bitch never showed til the morning, grr. so now i'm only 3 months away from when we would like to start testing, and conveniently enough, AF would be due right around new years to start things off. great. really hoping i get something else before we resort to that though.
2. i will never ever ever ever in a million years go to a concert at the edmonton expo centre again. the only other time i've gone to a concert there, it was assigned seating and basically just a really small version of rexall place. i assumed that it would've been the same settup, only general admission instead of assigned seating. it was terrible. it was in one of the new halls at the expo centre and there was no seating at all so we stood on concrete floors all night for 5 hours straight. the sound was also terrible. you couldn't make out any words anyone was saying on stage and even songs i knew the words to i didn't know what the song was til halfway through and really concentrating on the melody. and since it was standing only, i didn't get to see very much. what a massive waste of money for a bday present for my hubby :(
3. big changes to the house this week! we put in 2 long weeks worth of work and are finally ready for siding to go up :) its been a very long road to get to this point so we're happy that almost all the outside work is done. we also tore out a lot of drywall in the existing upstairs while it was fall cleanup week at the dump so we probably saved a few hundred bucks there. its definately nice having steps into the house now, and a big improvement on the ones that were there when we bought the house. i don't feel so bad for halloween trick or treaters anymore because our steps are safe and aren't 12' high, lol. we also have a door from the house to the garage now. i did a good portion of the step building and it was nice to do something like that instead of the normal drywall stuff i get to do. i did however manage to hurt myself in the process though... on the last nail of the last joist hanger... oops.
1. AF showed up on monday, and i was super hopeful last week too. bugger. i had great symptoms, felt pregnant, had a temp spike, but that was it. temp dived by the end of the week so i knew it was coming. didn't stop AF from being a day late though. i even tested one last time the day she was due because i wasn't having any AF symptoms (but any pregnancy ones had all disappeared). we went to a concert the day she was due so i had to go prepared and then the bitch never showed til the morning, grr. so now i'm only 3 months away from when we would like to start testing, and conveniently enough, AF would be due right around new years to start things off. great. really hoping i get something else before we resort to that though.
2. i will never ever ever ever in a million years go to a concert at the edmonton expo centre again. the only other time i've gone to a concert there, it was assigned seating and basically just a really small version of rexall place. i assumed that it would've been the same settup, only general admission instead of assigned seating. it was terrible. it was in one of the new halls at the expo centre and there was no seating at all so we stood on concrete floors all night for 5 hours straight. the sound was also terrible. you couldn't make out any words anyone was saying on stage and even songs i knew the words to i didn't know what the song was til halfway through and really concentrating on the melody. and since it was standing only, i didn't get to see very much. what a massive waste of money for a bday present for my hubby :(
3. big changes to the house this week! we put in 2 long weeks worth of work and are finally ready for siding to go up :) its been a very long road to get to this point so we're happy that almost all the outside work is done. we also tore out a lot of drywall in the existing upstairs while it was fall cleanup week at the dump so we probably saved a few hundred bucks there. its definately nice having steps into the house now, and a big improvement on the ones that were there when we bought the house. i don't feel so bad for halloween trick or treaters anymore because our steps are safe and aren't 12' high, lol. we also have a door from the house to the garage now. i did a good portion of the step building and it was nice to do something like that instead of the normal drywall stuff i get to do. i did however manage to hurt myself in the process though... on the last nail of the last joist hanger... oops.
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| front steps, frame work by me, and then finished off by others, lol. |
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| 2 rooms becoming one until we put up the new wall |
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I Really Need to be Ontop of Posting...
(cycle 25, day 24, 9dpo)
there's so much going on and i'm not posting nearly enough to keep on top of it so i guess i'm going to have to post more than once a week or once every other week...
anyway...
cycle update:
i've already mentioned how low dose aspirin is helping to better regulated my cycles, so no need to reiterate.
got my pos OPK on cd14 and Od on cd15 this cycle. felt some cramping which i guess is a new thing lately when i O. i don't mind, at least i know when O happens without waiting til the next day when i see a temp spike.
felt some cramping on 7dpo that has continued each day since. i'm hoping that was the start of implantation since i definately felt it last time i was pregnant around 6/7dpo. my boobs started hurting around 7dpo, but that's nothing new since that happens every cycle around the same time. monday night i was an irrational mess, lol. i had to do groceries since i was far too busy to do them on sunday, but i also had to make 3 additional stops that i normally don't have to make when i do groceries so it took me an extra half hour on top of the hour it typically takes me (which, btw, why the hell does canadian tire sell master craft shop vacs but not sell any bags to go with them, they only sell shop vac brand bags. annoying and ridiculous) and i was getting super hungry and could tell my blood sugar was getting low cuz i was getting weak and the thought of still having to carry all the bags to the front door and lift them up the 2 foot step that is the front door til we build new ones, sounded like an impossible task and i practically broke down in tears over it. dramatic much? haha. i've also been pretty tired at night, moreso that normal after a busy weekend. my eyes are so heavy by 9pm and 6am just comes way too soon, but the tiredness starts much earlier in the day. i'm also crazy bloated, more than i was last cycle. i did take a test this morning, but it was definately a BFN, but i'm hoping that its just taking a bit for the hcg to build up to give me a BFP in the coming days. last time, i didn't test til 4 days after i felt the implantation cramping and it was pretty faint that i'm not sure if i had tested the day before that i would have even gotten a positive, so that's giving me hope. my temp was hopeful yesterday, not so much today though. went from 36.6 monday to 36.97 yesterday (highest its ever been and had to temp twice to make sure it wasn't a fluke) and 36.8 today (which is more normal for me post O). we'll see what tomoro brings : )
house update:
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our garage slab got poured about a month ago, the driveway as about 2-3 weeks ago, and the walkway about 1-2 weeks ago. so now half the front yard is done. we got the old shed moved to my moms and we built a new one, just waiting for the siding on the house to be done so we can use up the rest on the shed. we worked like busy little bees over the weekend installing all the new windows in the existing half of the house so that we're ready for siding next week. we still have a bit of work to do over this coming weekend, but at least its a manageable list : ) we have to build new front steps, but that should hopefully only take a few hours. DH also has to put in the exterior electrical/plumbing and take down the last bit of siding. then we can tuck tape the housewrap seams and we're ready! the house will look very different come end of next week!!! for now, i will enjoy how much light comes into the living room with the new windows, lol.
i think that's all for updates right now... if i think of anything that needs to get added, i'll slip it in.
there's so much going on and i'm not posting nearly enough to keep on top of it so i guess i'm going to have to post more than once a week or once every other week...
anyway...
cycle update:
i've already mentioned how low dose aspirin is helping to better regulated my cycles, so no need to reiterate.
got my pos OPK on cd14 and Od on cd15 this cycle. felt some cramping which i guess is a new thing lately when i O. i don't mind, at least i know when O happens without waiting til the next day when i see a temp spike.
felt some cramping on 7dpo that has continued each day since. i'm hoping that was the start of implantation since i definately felt it last time i was pregnant around 6/7dpo. my boobs started hurting around 7dpo, but that's nothing new since that happens every cycle around the same time. monday night i was an irrational mess, lol. i had to do groceries since i was far too busy to do them on sunday, but i also had to make 3 additional stops that i normally don't have to make when i do groceries so it took me an extra half hour on top of the hour it typically takes me (which, btw, why the hell does canadian tire sell master craft shop vacs but not sell any bags to go with them, they only sell shop vac brand bags. annoying and ridiculous) and i was getting super hungry and could tell my blood sugar was getting low cuz i was getting weak and the thought of still having to carry all the bags to the front door and lift them up the 2 foot step that is the front door til we build new ones, sounded like an impossible task and i practically broke down in tears over it. dramatic much? haha. i've also been pretty tired at night, moreso that normal after a busy weekend. my eyes are so heavy by 9pm and 6am just comes way too soon, but the tiredness starts much earlier in the day. i'm also crazy bloated, more than i was last cycle. i did take a test this morning, but it was definately a BFN, but i'm hoping that its just taking a bit for the hcg to build up to give me a BFP in the coming days. last time, i didn't test til 4 days after i felt the implantation cramping and it was pretty faint that i'm not sure if i had tested the day before that i would have even gotten a positive, so that's giving me hope. my temp was hopeful yesterday, not so much today though. went from 36.6 monday to 36.97 yesterday (highest its ever been and had to temp twice to make sure it wasn't a fluke) and 36.8 today (which is more normal for me post O). we'll see what tomoro brings : )
house update:
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| bye bye old shed! |
Monday, September 24, 2012
the magic of low dose aspirin
(cycle 25, day 15)
well today might be O day, or tomoro, depends on what today's OPK tells me since i got my positive smiley face yesterday... so that's 2 cycles now that are within a day or two of eachother which rarely ever happened before low dose aspirin. my last cycle of our break was also a short one, so techinically that's 3 shorter cycles, but only 2 on the aspirin. that's never happened before. i'd get shorter and shorter and as soon as i got to Oing on cd14, i'd go back to having longer cycles and then progressively get shorter. i'm so glad its evened out :) no more agonizing waiting to O and getting frustrated worrying about dh getting worn out from having to BD EOD for possibly over a week. it also gets me into another cycle quickly instead of waiting nearly 3 weeks just to O...
i'm still waiting on my OPKs and preseed, was kinda hoping both would have come in the mail last week so i didn't have to use up the last of my digi OPKs this cycle and could use them for one more cycle by waiting til the cheapies started getting darker then use the digis. ah well, since i didn't O yesterday, there's still a chance for the preseed to arrive and be able to get at least some use out of it this cycle if we get super lucky and conceive. if we are that lucky, i'm okay with putting out that money because i'm hoping it jinxed me and i won't need any of it :P
i'm really hoping this cycle is it because the due date would work out perfectly with when my dad is planning on coming out here for my newly engaged sister's wedding... baby would be about a month old and he would get to meet the LO (little one) without a chance of missing it if we need to try another few months... we'd also be able to go back out to my aunt and uncles cabin in saskatchewan again because baby would be just old enough that i would feel comfortable leaving home for a few days/week. otherwise, we'd have to skip out on the cabin if we managed to get pregnant in the following 2-3 months after this cycle because i'd either be right at my due date, or very heavily pregannt and not want to be 5 hours away from home just in case, lol. *fingerscrossedsotightly*
well today might be O day, or tomoro, depends on what today's OPK tells me since i got my positive smiley face yesterday... so that's 2 cycles now that are within a day or two of eachother which rarely ever happened before low dose aspirin. my last cycle of our break was also a short one, so techinically that's 3 shorter cycles, but only 2 on the aspirin. that's never happened before. i'd get shorter and shorter and as soon as i got to Oing on cd14, i'd go back to having longer cycles and then progressively get shorter. i'm so glad its evened out :) no more agonizing waiting to O and getting frustrated worrying about dh getting worn out from having to BD EOD for possibly over a week. it also gets me into another cycle quickly instead of waiting nearly 3 weeks just to O...
i'm still waiting on my OPKs and preseed, was kinda hoping both would have come in the mail last week so i didn't have to use up the last of my digi OPKs this cycle and could use them for one more cycle by waiting til the cheapies started getting darker then use the digis. ah well, since i didn't O yesterday, there's still a chance for the preseed to arrive and be able to get at least some use out of it this cycle if we get super lucky and conceive. if we are that lucky, i'm okay with putting out that money because i'm hoping it jinxed me and i won't need any of it :P
i'm really hoping this cycle is it because the due date would work out perfectly with when my dad is planning on coming out here for my newly engaged sister's wedding... baby would be about a month old and he would get to meet the LO (little one) without a chance of missing it if we need to try another few months... we'd also be able to go back out to my aunt and uncles cabin in saskatchewan again because baby would be just old enough that i would feel comfortable leaving home for a few days/week. otherwise, we'd have to skip out on the cabin if we managed to get pregnant in the following 2-3 months after this cycle because i'd either be right at my due date, or very heavily pregannt and not want to be 5 hours away from home just in case, lol. *fingerscrossedsotightly*
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
remaining positive
(cycle 25, day 3)
good ol AF... shows up right on time every month... i hate that bitch...
anyway, i'm not in as bad a mood as i thought i would be. probably because i wasn't actually expecting us to be so lucky to conceive the first cycle after our break. i did get a couple evil evaps that were incredibly prominant, but they would show up about 30mins after testing and last a couple hours and then vanish into thin air. last time i got a BFP, it didn't disappear so i knew not to get my hopes up, even though i wanted to.
i've stocked up on OPKs and HPTs (though probably not nearly enough as i'll actually need to last me through all the OPKs, lol) and decided to try out preseed this time. its supposed to help mimic natural cm when ttc, which about 2 days before O i'm always like the sahara dessert and i could use the extra help with lube instead of chugging back shots of robitussin which make me gag (most cherry flavoured liquid meds make me gag).
so with my renewed enthusiasm towards ttc, i'm ready to get this cycle going!
good ol AF... shows up right on time every month... i hate that bitch...
anyway, i'm not in as bad a mood as i thought i would be. probably because i wasn't actually expecting us to be so lucky to conceive the first cycle after our break. i did get a couple evil evaps that were incredibly prominant, but they would show up about 30mins after testing and last a couple hours and then vanish into thin air. last time i got a BFP, it didn't disappear so i knew not to get my hopes up, even though i wanted to.
i've stocked up on OPKs and HPTs (though probably not nearly enough as i'll actually need to last me through all the OPKs, lol) and decided to try out preseed this time. its supposed to help mimic natural cm when ttc, which about 2 days before O i'm always like the sahara dessert and i could use the extra help with lube instead of chugging back shots of robitussin which make me gag (most cherry flavoured liquid meds make me gag).
so with my renewed enthusiasm towards ttc, i'm ready to get this cycle going!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
"relax"
(cycle 24, day 22, 8 dpo)
well, i must say, it feels like we literally just started TTC instead of just again because i'm so antsy to test already, lol. my temps are pretty high, not super high and not higher than i've had in past cycles, but its still high, so i'm hoping that's good. i forwent temping over the weekend in an effort to take it easy and "relax" (which i have a massive rant about the word "relax"), so its not helping my obsessive TTC nature because i'm constantly wondering if i had temped that maybe i'd've seen an implantation dip on monday... either way, my temp is on an upward trend (based on 2 days worth of temps, lol) so i'm crossing my fingers it stays up there! not much in the way of symptoms, they can all be explained away so i'm trying to read too much into them, even though i really want to. though i do feel a little off today......
and now to switch gears:
as for the "relax" word, yeah. that's been a thorn in my side for the last 8+ months. seriously. fertile ppl just don't get the sting that comes with saying that word to anyone that has been trying longer than 12 months. i tried the relaxed approach when i first put down the BCP. it didn't work very well and we never timed BDing right. that went on for probably 5 months or so. then we were timing BDing, albeit it wasn't the greatest timing each month and that went on for another couple months. finally after about 9 months we were doing better with timing. it then took us about 6 months to get pregnant but i was already into the process 16 months. sadly, we then lost our precious baby. we gave it a good try for 3 months and returned the to the "relaxed" approach and it once again proved useless to us. 3 months we were "relaxed" (as much as you can be when also dealing with home reno's) and again, didn't get pregnant. in fact, "relaxed" is closer to our version of BC. once again we weren't BDing when i was fertile, so how do you expect me to become pregnant by relaxing? HOW? i'm not the virgin mary for fuck sakes! here we are, 2 years into this, and i'm being told to relax by ppl who spent at most 3 months "trying" (not really trying, just having fun and "relaxing")?!?! yeah thanks for the advice but it clearly doesnt work and if i want any shot at getting pregnant, i have to obsessed with it and think about it all the time because when i don't, nothing happens.
so that is why we are going to give it a good go for a few months and if it continues to result in BFNs, i'll be talking to my doc becuase i refuse to live my life childless without putting in an honest effort.
thankyouverymuch!!!!
well, i must say, it feels like we literally just started TTC instead of just again because i'm so antsy to test already, lol. my temps are pretty high, not super high and not higher than i've had in past cycles, but its still high, so i'm hoping that's good. i forwent temping over the weekend in an effort to take it easy and "relax" (which i have a massive rant about the word "relax"), so its not helping my obsessive TTC nature because i'm constantly wondering if i had temped that maybe i'd've seen an implantation dip on monday... either way, my temp is on an upward trend (based on 2 days worth of temps, lol) so i'm crossing my fingers it stays up there! not much in the way of symptoms, they can all be explained away so i'm trying to read too much into them, even though i really want to. though i do feel a little off today......
and now to switch gears:
as for the "relax" word, yeah. that's been a thorn in my side for the last 8+ months. seriously. fertile ppl just don't get the sting that comes with saying that word to anyone that has been trying longer than 12 months. i tried the relaxed approach when i first put down the BCP. it didn't work very well and we never timed BDing right. that went on for probably 5 months or so. then we were timing BDing, albeit it wasn't the greatest timing each month and that went on for another couple months. finally after about 9 months we were doing better with timing. it then took us about 6 months to get pregnant but i was already into the process 16 months. sadly, we then lost our precious baby. we gave it a good try for 3 months and returned the to the "relaxed" approach and it once again proved useless to us. 3 months we were "relaxed" (as much as you can be when also dealing with home reno's) and again, didn't get pregnant. in fact, "relaxed" is closer to our version of BC. once again we weren't BDing when i was fertile, so how do you expect me to become pregnant by relaxing? HOW? i'm not the virgin mary for fuck sakes! here we are, 2 years into this, and i'm being told to relax by ppl who spent at most 3 months "trying" (not really trying, just having fun and "relaxing")?!?! yeah thanks for the advice but it clearly doesnt work and if i want any shot at getting pregnant, i have to obsessed with it and think about it all the time because when i don't, nothing happens.
so that is why we are going to give it a good go for a few months and if it continues to result in BFNs, i'll be talking to my doc becuase i refuse to live my life childless without putting in an honest effort.
thankyouverymuch!!!!
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