so much for being hopeful....

(cycle 11, day 1 ???)

well my temp has dropped each of the last 3 days to the point that i'm now basically back to pre-O temps. so i'm pretty certain that AF is going to show up any time now. i'm not sure how to feel since i knew that cycle was a long shot but i wanted to be hopeful only because it is taking so long for anything positive to happen and i want to be genuinely excited about something. the only other times i've been that excited was getting HayHay, when we were getting married (like the whole process, from engagement to wedding day to the san diego honeymoon), and winning that lottery. buying my first car and my first neice being born are close, but not the giddy exictement i'll have when i see that first BFP.

so i'm not sure what to do now.... we really are getting close to that infamous one year mark but our problem isn't that one of us might be infertile, our problem is a lack of BDing because of a lack of sex drive (i know it's probably not what you want to read about, but its a fact). i think i might book an appt with my doctor to get my physical done and if i'm preg by then i'll turn it into a prenatal appt, if i'm not, i'll be asking questions about our issues and see if there is anything they recommend to help us get that baby sooner. it sucks that i'm even thinking about resorting to a doctor when it should just be a matter of letting it happen and it happens. it's almost like a knife to the heart.

this cycle, i'm pulling out all the stops i can as well as getting some OPKs and continuing BBT charting in hopes that this is our last month of trying and i don't have AF while on holidays in new brunswick.


ETA: i finally found a website with cheap tests!!! do you have any idea how excited that makes me? any kind of test is crazy expensive to buy in stores and at this site they're a fraction of the cost and i can get a combo kit that has OPKs (which i want to try out this month) as well as HPTs and they'll show up before i'm even close to Oing this cycle and cost me next to nothing to ship : )