yup. last night i just about had a complete meltdown over something silly. pregnancy hormones perhaps?
my wound at my tailbone is still not healing as fast as i like and it seems like it get so close to closing up and then BAM, a set back and it gets bigger and takes longer to heal. it just seems like i'm going to stuck with this forever. i'm so close to just putting a band-aid over it and letting it scab over instead of healing properly but i have a hard time not doing things the way its supposed to be done.
well i got out of the shower lastnight and took a look and just burst out in tears at the lack of progress i was seeing (as nearly a week ago it was half the size it is now). DH thought i was just crabby and mad at him when i was just upset that i still have to rely on him being home and doing this for me. i don't even remember what its like to shower whenever i want and not worry about him being home to do it. complete and utter breakdown #1 over something silly...
i had another one at the same time last night. i got upset that DH hasn't been home much lately because he has a hard time telling ppl no and not managing his time well. i feel like i'm not a priority in his life like when we first started dating. everyone else gets all his time and he doesn't even think about putting time aside for me. not only do i feel like i'm not a priority in his life, i don't feel like an equal. whenever we're walking he's always 5 steps ahead and rarely waits for me to catch up or checks to see if i'm still following. if i didn't want to end up fighting, i would stop walking once in a while to see how long it takes for him notice i'm not there anymore. forget even wanting to hold his hand....
so i don't know, maybe its just me being overly sensitive and having a meltdown just because or maybe this is what its like to be emotional when you're pregnant. its definately possible as i'm 9dpo... i had a dip in my temp yesterday and it was back up today, so its possible that was an implantation dip... whatever the case may be, i'm still testing tomoro because i want to know! haha.
i know that was a lot of emotional stuff about my marriage, but i just needed to get it out so i don't keep it bottled up and then it explodes later in a less constructive way. this is MY blog afterall ; ) and who knows, maybe i'll delete that part later when i'm feeling better and not so raw.
No comments:
Post a Comment