can i just say i love weight watchers? or at least so far anyway. i might not like it so much when my weight stalls out and i stop losing on dieting alone. but for now, i'm liking it and i'm liking the system. i'm not feeling like i'm depriving myself of treats or other foods i would love to eat. i'm also getting better with self-control, not great, but getting better. i still have some of the foods i shouldn't and when we go out, i'm still eating most of what's on my plate instead of only eating an actual portion or only eating enough to sustain myself and not stuff myself, so i have to work on that. i also have to start getting more activity into my routine. it doesn't help that we've been in reno mode for the last 3 weeks, but it will definately be dying down in the next few days where i might actually be able to get a walk in some nights. i think i'm going to try to find a zumba dvd and maybe i'll start trying to do that in the morning since it will be more fun that any of the other workout dvds that i have. i'll at least give it a try.
but so far, i've lost 7lbs! 5% of my starting weight! i've very happy about that since i did it in 4 weeks and didn't do much in the way of 'working out'. the last week my loss wasn't much, but a loss none the less. i'm sure if i start being active, it will come off easier and i would think i would be able to lose another 7lbs (10% of my starting weight) by Halloween and be down to 145lbs. a weight i haven't been since before mexico. more of my clothes should fit me which would be nice since in the last 6 months i've outgrown (more like outweighed) all of my shorts/skirts for summer and had to buy 2 new ones just to try to last through this season. it sure didn't help my confidence when that happened. i also grew out of some of my favorite pants so i'm really hoping that i'll be back in them for the winter and the only reason i'd have to buy new ones would be to fit a growing baby belly (that i will hopefully get soon).
ideally i would love to be back down to 120 but realistically i want to be 130 like last year for our wedding, but i'm really hoping i get pregnant before that. but the longer it takes to get pregnant, the healthier i'll be and i'll be at a healthier starting weight for pregnancy. kind of a catch 22. as much as i would love to be pregnant, i would also love to lose all the weight i've put on.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
its getting too frustrating
(cycle 13, day 1)
can i be totally honest and say that i'm VERY close to giving up TTC? this past cycle i basically just went through the motions without even getting upset about any part of it. heck, i nearly forgot to even use my OPKs this month (which i'm pretty sure is the reason i didn't get a distinct + on them because i tested 5 hours later than i did the day i got a + the first month i used them). i was diligent about taking my temps, but i never obsessed over them or my chart, so that is definately not the stressful part of TTC. for me, the most stressful part is BD timing. we rarely get it right. 4/12 months we had low chances, 6/12 the chances were non-existant and 2/12 (the last 2) we had 'good' chances, which are also the months i've used OPKs.
i think the stress of getting the bathroom reno done played a part this cycle. its the reason i nearly forgot to use the OPKs, too busy working and not thinking about testing until much later in the day. i'm hoping that since we should hopefully have the bathroom done this week that we can go back to being less stressed and maybe, just maybe, next cycle we'll get it right...
i have high hopes, but at the same time, i don't have hope. one good thing about it taking so long to happen is that its less likely that i'll be giving birth right in the middle of our anticipated addition so our lives won't be more chaotic than it already will be. but on the other hand, i'm not getting any younger and my yearning for a child is getting worse and it breaks my heart even more when i think about us still being childless after a year off the pill. its getting to where our kids will be so much younger than anyone elses, they'll have no one to play with when we do eventually have our own.
why can't i have the one thing i want most? why does this have to be so damned hard to make happen? why do some girls get it easy and not others? why can't it just be a one-man operation?
i'm so lost.... and angry.... and sad at our misfortune.... i don't know if i'll be able to go another month after this one.... i think i'll be done putting in effort after this cycle.... i'm done trying....
ITS. JUST. TOO. HARD.
can i be totally honest and say that i'm VERY close to giving up TTC? this past cycle i basically just went through the motions without even getting upset about any part of it. heck, i nearly forgot to even use my OPKs this month (which i'm pretty sure is the reason i didn't get a distinct + on them because i tested 5 hours later than i did the day i got a + the first month i used them). i was diligent about taking my temps, but i never obsessed over them or my chart, so that is definately not the stressful part of TTC. for me, the most stressful part is BD timing. we rarely get it right. 4/12 months we had low chances, 6/12 the chances were non-existant and 2/12 (the last 2) we had 'good' chances, which are also the months i've used OPKs.
i think the stress of getting the bathroom reno done played a part this cycle. its the reason i nearly forgot to use the OPKs, too busy working and not thinking about testing until much later in the day. i'm hoping that since we should hopefully have the bathroom done this week that we can go back to being less stressed and maybe, just maybe, next cycle we'll get it right...
i have high hopes, but at the same time, i don't have hope. one good thing about it taking so long to happen is that its less likely that i'll be giving birth right in the middle of our anticipated addition so our lives won't be more chaotic than it already will be. but on the other hand, i'm not getting any younger and my yearning for a child is getting worse and it breaks my heart even more when i think about us still being childless after a year off the pill. its getting to where our kids will be so much younger than anyone elses, they'll have no one to play with when we do eventually have our own.
why can't i have the one thing i want most? why does this have to be so damned hard to make happen? why do some girls get it easy and not others? why can't it just be a one-man operation?
i'm so lost.... and angry.... and sad at our misfortune.... i don't know if i'll be able to go another month after this one.... i think i'll be done putting in effort after this cycle.... i'm done trying....
ITS. JUST. TOO. HARD.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
I'm Back!
(cycle 12, day 26, 9 dpo)
not that i went anywhere the last 2 weeks, but i've been incredibly busy and my computer shit the bed last week so i haven't had internet on it for a week. but i'm back at it now : )
weight watchers is going really well. its a lot easier than i thought it would be to follow the system. i'm not depriving myself of treats, but i'm definately thinking twice before eating something i shouldn't be eating, lol. so far i've lost 5.6lbs and it feels great! i'm sure the last week could've been better if i didn't have 3 pieces of pizza on friday and high sodium soups at the beginning of this week, but i'm still happy with my progress and i think i'll be trying to stick to this for a long time to come. i will have to change it when i get pregnant since you can't be a member for that time period, but i'll still follow the guidelines like eating more fruit/veggies and drinking lots of water. however, i do think it will be easier to lose the baby weight afterwards.
dh has quit smoking for an entire week! i'm so proud of him. unfortunately we've gotten into quite a few arguments and tense moments while working on the bathroom, so his angry outbursts aren't necessarily because of the meds he's on since when he's doing home repairs and things don't go the way he wants, those outbursts happen anyway. outside of anything to do with that room, he's pleasant to be around. which is a nice change compared to the last time he quit...
the bathroom is going well, well really slowly. i was hoping to be done already, but no such luck. doesn't help that we haven't had a tub surround to put up (which is now 10 days late from the date of expected delivery) so we've been able to work slowly since pretty much everything in that room takes 3 times longer than we anticipated. i'm finally going to be able to paint tonight after hoping i would've been painting last week before we even started the bathroom. painting should be done on saturday afternoon and we can FINALLY put everything back together that night or sunday morning. i'll be so happy to shower at home again!
on the baby front, this month has been less stressful since my mind has been busy elsewhere (the bathroom). we didn't BD much this month (only twice while i was fertile) so i don't have high hopes of this being our month. i haven't been obsessing over my chart or doing any symptom hunting which is a nice change of pace. however, as i get closer to the day i expect AF to show up, i've been getting more analytical about my temps. this morning i had a temp drop. i typically don't have temp drops at 9dpo... leaves me wondering if its actually an implantation dip... to be honest, i was a little bummed when i didn't see a drop at 7 or 8 dpo, but in the back of my head, i know that it can happen anywhere between 7-10 dpo and today falls in that range. i can only hope my temps go up from today and i get a BFP on sunday (the awesome group of girls i met on MH have formed their own group because of some privacy issues with FB. there's a group of us, like 5+ girls, that are at the same point in our 2ww so we're all testing on sunday) when i'll be 12dpo. i would think if i get a BFN that this cycle was a bust and i will fully expect AF to show up on monday. obviously i'm hoping for a BFP, but i already said i don't have much hope this month.
not that i went anywhere the last 2 weeks, but i've been incredibly busy and my computer shit the bed last week so i haven't had internet on it for a week. but i'm back at it now : )
weight watchers is going really well. its a lot easier than i thought it would be to follow the system. i'm not depriving myself of treats, but i'm definately thinking twice before eating something i shouldn't be eating, lol. so far i've lost 5.6lbs and it feels great! i'm sure the last week could've been better if i didn't have 3 pieces of pizza on friday and high sodium soups at the beginning of this week, but i'm still happy with my progress and i think i'll be trying to stick to this for a long time to come. i will have to change it when i get pregnant since you can't be a member for that time period, but i'll still follow the guidelines like eating more fruit/veggies and drinking lots of water. however, i do think it will be easier to lose the baby weight afterwards.
dh has quit smoking for an entire week! i'm so proud of him. unfortunately we've gotten into quite a few arguments and tense moments while working on the bathroom, so his angry outbursts aren't necessarily because of the meds he's on since when he's doing home repairs and things don't go the way he wants, those outbursts happen anyway. outside of anything to do with that room, he's pleasant to be around. which is a nice change compared to the last time he quit...
the bathroom is going well, well really slowly. i was hoping to be done already, but no such luck. doesn't help that we haven't had a tub surround to put up (which is now 10 days late from the date of expected delivery) so we've been able to work slowly since pretty much everything in that room takes 3 times longer than we anticipated. i'm finally going to be able to paint tonight after hoping i would've been painting last week before we even started the bathroom. painting should be done on saturday afternoon and we can FINALLY put everything back together that night or sunday morning. i'll be so happy to shower at home again!
on the baby front, this month has been less stressful since my mind has been busy elsewhere (the bathroom). we didn't BD much this month (only twice while i was fertile) so i don't have high hopes of this being our month. i haven't been obsessing over my chart or doing any symptom hunting which is a nice change of pace. however, as i get closer to the day i expect AF to show up, i've been getting more analytical about my temps. this morning i had a temp drop. i typically don't have temp drops at 9dpo... leaves me wondering if its actually an implantation dip... to be honest, i was a little bummed when i didn't see a drop at 7 or 8 dpo, but in the back of my head, i know that it can happen anywhere between 7-10 dpo and today falls in that range. i can only hope my temps go up from today and i get a BFP on sunday (the awesome group of girls i met on MH have formed their own group because of some privacy issues with FB. there's a group of us, like 5+ girls, that are at the same point in our 2ww so we're all testing on sunday) when i'll be 12dpo. i would think if i get a BFN that this cycle was a bust and i will fully expect AF to show up on monday. obviously i'm hoping for a BFP, but i already said i don't have much hope this month.
Friday, September 2, 2011
changes
(cycle 12, day 13)
things are changing around our household! dh set his 'quit smoking' date for next thursday (the day after his 30th bday), i joined weight watchers and our upstairs bathroom is getting a major overhaul.
hubby's quit smoking campaign
i'm so proud that he's finally decided to kick the habit after two previous unsuccessful attempts since we've been together. what really pushed him to quit was knowing his dad had quit a month prior to the family reunion. dh is usually the only smoker: he was the only one at the reunion, he's the only one on the fire dept, one of two that smoke at his shop, possibly the only one out of the guys he plays hockey with... it just makes sense for him to quit. plus it will save him quite a bit of money each month (which he will now be putting away so he can buy this motorcycle that he really wants, lol).
he's already seen the doc to get the same prescription his dad took and i'm making sure he eats like he's supposed to when taking it and i have to watch out for any side effects he might experience. so now he's started the meds and will be quitting in his second week (as recommended) and will continue them until he's confident enough to go without them.
again, i'm extremely proud that he's finally taken this step and maybe this is what we need to finally get pregnant!
my joining weight watchers
i finally decided to do something about the extra weight i've put on since our wedding last year. 'newlywed nine' my ass! in the past year, i've gained 30lbs. that's 5lbs per month! no wonder none of my shorts from last year didn't fit me this summer : ( i've been surviving the hotter days in 2 pairs of shorts and sundresses. its really depressing to think i've gained that much.
so a friend encouraged me to join and i finally did this past week. it's a little difficult getting used to counting points for everything i eat and making sure i eat what i should be eating and not just all the junk i want to eat. i've signed up for the minimum that i need to sign up for at first, but unfortunately there's a disclaimer that pregnant women can't participate and you're ineligible for weight watchers in that circumstance. its a little saddening, but i understand it. though i still plan to follow it when the time comes, but make sure i'm eating enough to sustain a pregnancy, but follow the basics and the foods i should be eating, not the junk i love to eat.
my ultimate goal would be to lose 40lbs, but for now my goal would be to lose 20 just so i can at least fit into more of my clothes again. they recommend you start with working to lose 5% of your current weight first (for me that's 7lbs) and then work on 10% (15lbs for me). i'm not sure how close i'll get to either of those, but anything lost is good for me pre-pregnancy. if it takes longer for me to get pregnant, that just means i can lose more so i'm at a healthier starting weight when it happens and i'll have less to lose post-pregnancy to reach my ultimate goal (which i will be rejoining post-pregnancy because i don't think i could do it on my own without someone/thing keeping me accountable).
bathroom overhaul
we're finally getting around to renovating our main bathroom. it's going to be a long week in construction mode on a room we use so often, but it will all be worth it when its done.
we're doing:
- new drywall
- tile floor
- new vanity and countertop
- new tub suround
- paint
- new quieter fan
- new mirror
we've already bought all of our supplies so that we don't have to waste time going to the store 10 times each day, its all sitting in our spare room. tonight we're starting with the demo and fixing up the electrical and plumbing. tomoro will be drywalling and first coat of mud, possibly lay the membrane for the tiles. each day after will be a coat of mud until i can paint, then it will be a coat of paint each day til its done. the tiles will hopefully go in on sunday so that they can be grouted and sealed on monday/tuesday. i'm hoping the tub surround can go in on tuesday so we can stop borrowing showers from our neighbours, lol. so by next thursday/friday we'll have a new finished bathroom that hopefully looks amazing!
things are changing around our household! dh set his 'quit smoking' date for next thursday (the day after his 30th bday), i joined weight watchers and our upstairs bathroom is getting a major overhaul.
hubby's quit smoking campaign
i'm so proud that he's finally decided to kick the habit after two previous unsuccessful attempts since we've been together. what really pushed him to quit was knowing his dad had quit a month prior to the family reunion. dh is usually the only smoker: he was the only one at the reunion, he's the only one on the fire dept, one of two that smoke at his shop, possibly the only one out of the guys he plays hockey with... it just makes sense for him to quit. plus it will save him quite a bit of money each month (which he will now be putting away so he can buy this motorcycle that he really wants, lol).
he's already seen the doc to get the same prescription his dad took and i'm making sure he eats like he's supposed to when taking it and i have to watch out for any side effects he might experience. so now he's started the meds and will be quitting in his second week (as recommended) and will continue them until he's confident enough to go without them.
again, i'm extremely proud that he's finally taken this step and maybe this is what we need to finally get pregnant!
my joining weight watchers
i finally decided to do something about the extra weight i've put on since our wedding last year. 'newlywed nine' my ass! in the past year, i've gained 30lbs. that's 5lbs per month! no wonder none of my shorts from last year didn't fit me this summer : ( i've been surviving the hotter days in 2 pairs of shorts and sundresses. its really depressing to think i've gained that much.
so a friend encouraged me to join and i finally did this past week. it's a little difficult getting used to counting points for everything i eat and making sure i eat what i should be eating and not just all the junk i want to eat. i've signed up for the minimum that i need to sign up for at first, but unfortunately there's a disclaimer that pregnant women can't participate and you're ineligible for weight watchers in that circumstance. its a little saddening, but i understand it. though i still plan to follow it when the time comes, but make sure i'm eating enough to sustain a pregnancy, but follow the basics and the foods i should be eating, not the junk i love to eat.
my ultimate goal would be to lose 40lbs, but for now my goal would be to lose 20 just so i can at least fit into more of my clothes again. they recommend you start with working to lose 5% of your current weight first (for me that's 7lbs) and then work on 10% (15lbs for me). i'm not sure how close i'll get to either of those, but anything lost is good for me pre-pregnancy. if it takes longer for me to get pregnant, that just means i can lose more so i'm at a healthier starting weight when it happens and i'll have less to lose post-pregnancy to reach my ultimate goal (which i will be rejoining post-pregnancy because i don't think i could do it on my own without someone/thing keeping me accountable).
bathroom overhaul
we're finally getting around to renovating our main bathroom. it's going to be a long week in construction mode on a room we use so often, but it will all be worth it when its done.
we're doing:
- new drywall
- tile floor
- new vanity and countertop
- new tub suround
- paint
- new quieter fan
- new mirror
we've already bought all of our supplies so that we don't have to waste time going to the store 10 times each day, its all sitting in our spare room. tonight we're starting with the demo and fixing up the electrical and plumbing. tomoro will be drywalling and first coat of mud, possibly lay the membrane for the tiles. each day after will be a coat of mud until i can paint, then it will be a coat of paint each day til its done. the tiles will hopefully go in on sunday so that they can be grouted and sealed on monday/tuesday. i'm hoping the tub surround can go in on tuesday so we can stop borrowing showers from our neighbours, lol. so by next thursday/friday we'll have a new finished bathroom that hopefully looks amazing!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Mexican Vacation (a little late, okay a lot, but at least its done, right?)
So I’m finally getting around to posting about our Mexican vacation, only 4 months late, but at least I did it. Granted I felt like I had to do this one before I could post about the family reunion in New Brunswick last week….
Mexico was amazing! We're already planning on going back in two years when we both have 3 weeks of holidays so we can take a week and go back and then the other 2 weeks and go to Ontario, haha.
As much as early flights are annoying, it's nice to get to your destination early in the day so you can enjoy it that same day and not just go straight to bed ; ) We barely got any sleep the night before. I finally went to be bed at 1:00am after I was sure I had everything and did a few other last minute things around the house. Hubby finally came to bed at 2:00am just so he could cuddle in bed with HayHay who was going to miss the heck out of us for a week (at least we like to think she missed us that much) and then an hour later, the alarm went off.
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| view of the resort after checking in at the front desk behind the bridge is the swim up bar we spent a lot of time at |
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| our balcony 'jacuzzi' |
What a room it was! We were so glad we upgraded to the priveledged suites. It was nice to have all this space after being in a hotel room in San Diego for 5 days. We had a seperate bedroom from a living room and 2 doors into the very large bathroom. The bathroom had double sinks (hubby was happy about that but I felt we didn't really need it since we almost never used them at the same time anyway...), separate toilet (I really liked that so I could still use the rest of it while he was in there, lol), and separate shower. Could've used more light in there when he was shaving and I was putting on makeup, but still a huge improvement on our tiny bathroom at home. On the balcony there was a huge soaker tub that easily fit the two of us side-by-side. It took forever to fill and didn't have jets (which he was bummed about but I still took advantage of having that big tub) so it wasn't quite the 'jacuzzi' we were looking forward to but still a great bonus with the upgrade.
After getting to our room and unpacking, we promptly put on our swim suits, ate at the snack bar and hit the beach. A little rocky, but it wasn't so bad that you had to worry about slicing your foot open (wouldn't that be fun??). After floating in the water (which is increadibly salty and yet another thing I forget when I travel) we got drinks at the bar and talked to a couple who was on the same flight as us and actually live not too far from us here in Alberta. We spent the afternoon drinking at the beach bar and then the resort had a dinner for us (well the tour company we came with). It was delicious and quite the spread. At the end of the night we went back to our room, filled the tub and relaxed. A nice way to end our first day.
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| the towel animal on our 6th night |
Day 2
Plan for the day: relax! Of course that was after we had breakfast and attended the welcome seminar. Breakfast was probably my favorite meal of the day down there. The first day I started with a couple little things but of course got my omelet, lol. Sean didn’t get one, opting for some other things, but wanted to try mine when he saw it. Needless to say, that’s what he had every morning for the rest of the trip, haha. I ended up having french toast most mornings with fresh fruit. Mmmm, pineapple….
Of course as soon as we got out of that seminar, we changed into our suits, booked our first dinner and hit the pool bar and pretty much stayed there most the day. Unfortunately we drank a little too much that day and by the time we got back to our room to have a nap before our dinner we pretty much passed out for the night and missed our dinner : ( We woke up around 3am and watched TV for a bit before going back to sleep and starting another day.
Again started our day with breakfast, but we made a plan to take it a bit slower on the drinking so we could actually make it to dinner before calling it a night.
We met a couple the day before at the swim up bar and spent most of the day talking to them in the pool. We had booked a couple’s massage for that day. Before our massage they invited us to come early to take advantage of the spa pools and saunas which were very relaxing and nice to be in a pool and out of the sun. Poor Sean was so burnt from the day before that the massage hurt a little for him. I was burnt too, but not to that extent. It must not have hurt that bad since he fell asleep during his, lol. After our massages we went back to our room and had a nap before getting ready for our dinner that wasn’t until 8:00pm. It was kind of nice to have dinners later in the evening because otherwise we would’ve probably gone to bed a lot earlier because of being in the sun so much.
Day 4
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| swimming with dolphins at Delphinus |
We booked a dolphin swim for that morning. It was awesome! Definitely worth the money and by far one of the most amazing things I’ve experienced. You get to do everything with the dolphins: kiss, shake, foot push, free swim. They have staff just for taking a million pictures of each person. To buy the pics after is quite expensive, but since we weren’t doing much else while in Mexico, we went for it and I’m glad we did. We have well over 40 pics just from that hour and a half swimming with them : )
After getting back to the resort, we grabbed a bite to eat and then did some snorkeling right off the beach. That was pretty cool too and we were kicking ourselves for not doing it in the previous days, haha. So glad we bought the underwater camera, actually we carried that around more than our other camera… By evening we relaxed in our room and then the buffet dinner and called it a night.
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| snorkeling just off the beach |
Another lax day spent enjoying the pool (we really lucked out weather wise as I think the worst we got were a few clouds) and the swim-up bar. We really didn’t do too much other than relax while on vacation. We didn’t do any shopping! Next time we go, we’ll spend at least one day doing some shopping.
This was also the day we realized our A/C wasn't working. Mexico is not the place you want that happen! It took almost all day for them to get it working again, and thank god they did. Can't believe it took us 2 days to realize it wasn't working. I thought it was just that hot out, lol.
Day 6
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| rappelling into the cenote |
A very busy day. We had to get up early and ready to go on our Coba/cenote/zipline tour. The first stop was a tiny Mexican village where we did a zipline across a pond, rappelled into a cenote, canoe’d and had an authentic Mexican lunch (the ziplining left us wanting more and next time, we’ll be going to Xcaret because they have a ton of ziplines). After that we were off to the Coba ruins. The did a quick tour at the entrance and then sent us on our way. You could rent bicycles to get to the pyramid, which we of course did so we weren’t wasting time on the 2km walk. We climbed the pyramid, DH faster than me since he apparently has no fear when it comes to heights and got some shots from the top. We continued on our bike ride and stopped to take more pictures of the ruins, and then were rushed into the van since everyone was already loaded up (another reason we didn’t like this tour company since it was barely enough time to actually enjoy exploring the ruins and next time, we might just rent a car or choose a different tour company that spends more time at the ruins). We made it back to the resort for dinner and then went to bed because we were exhausted after our long day.
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| Sean being silly with the stickers from the towel animals |
Day 7
Yet again, another relaxing day. We did some more snorkeling since it was free and we wanted to do what we could at the resort before leaving the next morning. After snorkeling, we just hung out in the water just to enjoy the waves since we knew we were going to be coming back to snow on the ground. We also spend some more time at the swim up bar, which by now, the bartender remembered us from previous days and already had drinks ready for us : D We booked our last a la carte dinner for that night and did some shopping at the outdoor venders that are set up most evenings. It probably would’ve been better to do our shopping outside of the resort since it was a little expensive and we also should’ve employed our haggling skills (if we even have any)… But we got a Mayan calendar to hang in the kitchen and some Mayan earings/pendant for my mom’s 50th bday gift.
Day 8
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| the beach and lagoon where the fish are for snorkeling |
We had our last breakfast in Mexico. Too bad they didn’t have any pineapple that day, lol. We enjoyed our breakfast, then did a tour around the resort to get last minute pics before we had to pack our bags and get on the bus to the airport.
Not sure why, but when we got home, I was half expecting to see green grass and palm trees out the airplane window as we were coming down to land. It pretty much sucked to see the snow was still there. But now we’re planning on going back in 2013 with more than just us, so at least I have something to look forward to….
Monday, August 29, 2011
update on TTC
(cycle 12, day 9)
clearly i'm not preggo :'( good ol' AF showed up right on time and while away on holidays, boo! so the end of this cycle marks 4 days before the one year mark since i quit taking BC. i'm not overly excited about that fact since it took DH 10 months to do something about it taking so long, and because of that, i'm waiting a little longer before seeing my doc about it since it isn't necessarily because either of us is infertile. i wasn't even overly upset about having to go into a 12th cycle for some odd reason. maybe it's because there's nothing i can do other than to keep trying, or it was because i was around so many ppl when the verdict came in that i couldn't get upset about it, but now that i'm thinking about it, i'm starting to feel sad that i'm still waiting for my BFP...
i'm a perfectly healthy 25 year old newly wed (well not newly anymore, but when we started i was) and i shouldn't be having an issue getting pregnant, but here i am, almost a year later and we're just now having the best chances out of all the previous cycles and it didn't happen. i'm starting to lose hope...
clearly i'm not preggo :'( good ol' AF showed up right on time and while away on holidays, boo! so the end of this cycle marks 4 days before the one year mark since i quit taking BC. i'm not overly excited about that fact since it took DH 10 months to do something about it taking so long, and because of that, i'm waiting a little longer before seeing my doc about it since it isn't necessarily because either of us is infertile. i wasn't even overly upset about having to go into a 12th cycle for some odd reason. maybe it's because there's nothing i can do other than to keep trying, or it was because i was around so many ppl when the verdict came in that i couldn't get upset about it, but now that i'm thinking about it, i'm starting to feel sad that i'm still waiting for my BFP...
i'm a perfectly healthy 25 year old newly wed (well not newly anymore, but when we started i was) and i shouldn't be having an issue getting pregnant, but here i am, almost a year later and we're just now having the best chances out of all the previous cycles and it didn't happen. i'm starting to lose hope...
Thursday, August 18, 2011
BFN.....
i tested this morning like i said i would, especially since my temp was up again this morning (which this LP has had temps consistently higher than past cycles in the first place) and all the symptoms i have, at least i think i have. i don't know for sure if i actually have any of the symptoms i think i do or if its all in my head because i want to be and i'm looking for them.
the most obvious one, frequent urination, can be explained away because i started more water at 7dpo... i'm pretty much always fatigued so its nothing i haven't experienced before... but the oddest one i have this month is the breast tenderness i have lately, its seems to be getting worse each passing day and they feel heavy, they aren't so bad you can't touch them, but they're definately more sensitive than normal...
so i know the pic isn't a straight on shot of the BFN, but i saw something odd on this test and i wasn't sure how to explain it or even know if its normal too see this on tests: a pink dot on the side of the test where the line would be but its under the result area. i didn't want to open another test since i wasn't going to test again until tomoro, but when i looked at lunch, it wasn't on the other side of the test so i'm not sure what to think. maybe i am pregnant but there isn't enough HCG for it to come through the rest of the test and its just sitting below or it was a fluke thing and it means nothing. either way i'm testing again tomoro!
so hopefully i can clear up the unexplained dot with another test tomoro and hopefully its the BFP i've been waiting for....
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
A Mild Breakdown
(9dpo)
yup. last night i just about had a complete meltdown over something silly. pregnancy hormones perhaps?
my wound at my tailbone is still not healing as fast as i like and it seems like it get so close to closing up and then BAM, a set back and it gets bigger and takes longer to heal. it just seems like i'm going to stuck with this forever. i'm so close to just putting a band-aid over it and letting it scab over instead of healing properly but i have a hard time not doing things the way its supposed to be done.
well i got out of the shower lastnight and took a look and just burst out in tears at the lack of progress i was seeing (as nearly a week ago it was half the size it is now). DH thought i was just crabby and mad at him when i was just upset that i still have to rely on him being home and doing this for me. i don't even remember what its like to shower whenever i want and not worry about him being home to do it. complete and utter breakdown #1 over something silly...
i had another one at the same time last night. i got upset that DH hasn't been home much lately because he has a hard time telling ppl no and not managing his time well. i feel like i'm not a priority in his life like when we first started dating. everyone else gets all his time and he doesn't even think about putting time aside for me. not only do i feel like i'm not a priority in his life, i don't feel like an equal. whenever we're walking he's always 5 steps ahead and rarely waits for me to catch up or checks to see if i'm still following. if i didn't want to end up fighting, i would stop walking once in a while to see how long it takes for him notice i'm not there anymore. forget even wanting to hold his hand....
so i don't know, maybe its just me being overly sensitive and having a meltdown just because or maybe this is what its like to be emotional when you're pregnant. its definately possible as i'm 9dpo... i had a dip in my temp yesterday and it was back up today, so its possible that was an implantation dip... whatever the case may be, i'm still testing tomoro because i want to know! haha.
i know that was a lot of emotional stuff about my marriage, but i just needed to get it out so i don't keep it bottled up and then it explodes later in a less constructive way. this is MY blog afterall ; ) and who knows, maybe i'll delete that part later when i'm feeling better and not so raw.
Monday, August 15, 2011
(cycle 11, day 25, 7dpo)
we went out for our first anniversary supper this past weekend <3 we decided to go out the weekend before our actual anniversary so we could be home with our puppy the night before we leave instead of leaving her at home alone and then leaving early the next day.
we first went to Totem to order/pay for our tub surround (which i felt kinda weird going into a home improvement store in a dress and heels, but i guess in the bigger city, they must see it more often than i think : / ) and then went for our supper at Japanese Village. I don't think I've had a better meal, well maybe when we went out for our expensive dinner in San Diego... But they prepare your meal right in front of you! I went back in april with my family for mine and my aunt tammy's birthday, but DH wasn't able to go so it was nice to share it with him this time. he was pretty impressed that they pour your beer and cut your meal up for you. the way they prepare the lobster tail is so cool! i've never seen it done before, then again, i've never really seen lobster cooked before. it was a delicious meal and we definately didn't leave hungry : D
the next day we cleaned our trucks (i always like clean truck day, hehe) and went for a round of golf. it was nice to golf just the two of us this time and we rented a cart so we didn't have to walk in the hot sun. i didn't even get overly frustrated this time!
now its back to work for the week and then we're off to New Brunswick for a week for hubby's family reunion. i'm still planning on testing on thursday but i'm not sure what kind of result i'm going to get. part of me thinks this month is it and part of me is expecting AF to show up while we're away (which would not be fun). but dealing with AF is just as annoying as still dealing with that abcess that refuses to heal in time for holidays so we don't have to take care of it anymore. i can't wait til i can shower whenever i want and not be limited to when hubby is home. my ass has never gotten so much attention!
we went out for our first anniversary supper this past weekend <3 we decided to go out the weekend before our actual anniversary so we could be home with our puppy the night before we leave instead of leaving her at home alone and then leaving early the next day.
we first went to Totem to order/pay for our tub surround (which i felt kinda weird going into a home improvement store in a dress and heels, but i guess in the bigger city, they must see it more often than i think : / ) and then went for our supper at Japanese Village. I don't think I've had a better meal, well maybe when we went out for our expensive dinner in San Diego... But they prepare your meal right in front of you! I went back in april with my family for mine and my aunt tammy's birthday, but DH wasn't able to go so it was nice to share it with him this time. he was pretty impressed that they pour your beer and cut your meal up for you. the way they prepare the lobster tail is so cool! i've never seen it done before, then again, i've never really seen lobster cooked before. it was a delicious meal and we definately didn't leave hungry : D
the next day we cleaned our trucks (i always like clean truck day, hehe) and went for a round of golf. it was nice to golf just the two of us this time and we rented a cart so we didn't have to walk in the hot sun. i didn't even get overly frustrated this time!
now its back to work for the week and then we're off to New Brunswick for a week for hubby's family reunion. i'm still planning on testing on thursday but i'm not sure what kind of result i'm going to get. part of me thinks this month is it and part of me is expecting AF to show up while we're away (which would not be fun). but dealing with AF is just as annoying as still dealing with that abcess that refuses to heal in time for holidays so we don't have to take care of it anymore. i can't wait til i can shower whenever i want and not be limited to when hubby is home. my ass has never gotten so much attention!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I Definately Ovulated : )
(cycle 11, day 21)
 |
| sorry its rotated, you'll just have to tilt your head.... lol |
this post is going to be TMI for some, mostly those not interested in reading about TTC and all that comes with it....
well i definately O'd this month! i only had the one positive OPK because the next day it was negative. as i suspected i O'd the day i got the lighter test (cd 18) because my temp sky rocketed and it hasn't done that since i started temping. most months its been pretty obvious when i did because i had higher temps, but this one was very obvious and no questions like last months ambiguous chart where i thought i did, then 2 days later it rose higher and thats when FF first gave me cross hairs, then a few more temps and they changed it to 2 days later. that won't be happening this month : D
so hopefully this is our month since this is the first time we've actually BDed when i was fertile so we actually have a decent shot at it happening. i think i've only been close once where we BDed once on the day i O'd but i think that's the only month that happened, otherwise we've always missed my fertile window. so my fingers are crossed super tight this month!
hubby already asked if i can test for pregnancy yet. i guess it doens't matter how many biology lessons i give him, he just doesn't quite understand how the female body works. i'll be testing next thursday as that will be 10dpo and i should be able to get reliable results by then. and i'll test again on the day we leave for new brunswick (12dpo). i really hope AF doesn't decide to show up this month because she would suck to have while away and getting a BFP would be an awesome 1 year anniversary gift!
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