(cycle 18, day 15)
it feels like i'm perpetually waiting and i'm sure i've posted about this before. waiting for AF to leave, waiting for O to happen, waiting to POAS, waiting for AF, then it starts all over again if you aren't pregnant. its pure torture!
currently i'm waiting to O. actually, i'm waiting for a + OPK so that i know when O will happen and we've done all we could til the next cycle.
lately, i've been feeling pretty angry about this whole trying again thing. i just keep thinking that i shouldn't have to be doing this. i should be enjoying the beginning of the second trimester, looking forward to our first ultrasound, buying stuff for a baby, decorating a nursery... instead i'm back at square freaking one! this feeling hit on monday when i was getting anxious about BDing because i knew we needed to start so we could have an army of sperm built up but i felt like it might not happen. i suddenly felt pissed off. something i hadn't felt before since the MC. i've been sad that i don't get to do all those things, but this week it was actually anger. i hope that feeling doesn't stick around for too long, its not something i like to feel...
ETA: i started this post yesterday and continued it this morning. didn't finish writing it til later in the afternoon after i got my first positive OPK on the digital!!! O should be tomoro or sunday so by monday i will for sure be in the 2ww :D
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