(cycle 36, day 14, O day)
today is definitely O day. got a blazing positive OPK yesterday and had lots of pressure and slight cramping in my pelvis this morning. didn't have stellar CM this cycle though... I barely had any fertile looking stuff, so I don't know how conducive that will be. not that I have much stock in cycles anymore anyway since even in the off chance they do work out, I inevitably lose the baby and start over.
to say i'd be shocked if it did work is a complete understatement. i'll be surprised beyond belief and even more surprised than the last BFP. i'll also be a little bit mad at myself for even thinking of TTC before getting testing done because what if it didn't work out again? i'd blame myself for not waiting for the results to come back to know if there is something more than just progesterone I should be taking while pregnant. I want to believe that we could get lucky enough for "3rd time's a charm", but I just don't. other than that lucky windfall a couple years ago, not much else has been lucky for us, why would this ever be different? : /
I feel stuck in this limbo before testing is done. on one hand I don't want to do any waiting for TTC since we've waited more than long enough. on the other hand, I want to wait in case the results show more to what is going on and it gives answers and a direction to go next time. my mind keeps pulling me in both directions, often in the same day.
why wait to TTC if 2/35 is our odds at conceiving?
why TTC when 2/2 is our odds at a THB?
No comments:
Post a Comment