(cycle 37, day 1)
that's how i'm starting to feel. and its becoming increasingly hard to deal with. though, after this long, its getting easier to hide my pain in front of anyone until I get home and DH can see it all over my face.
I think this weekend was yet another breaking point (I can't really say its my absolute breaking point, cuz I've had a few over these 3 years and i'm sure there will be another in the future). I found out a friend who was NTNP for the last 3 years (with irregular cycles) was 10 weeks along. I was happy for her because I know how long they were "trying", but it still stung. I acted all happy for her and related to her over things in the first tri, but as soon as I got in my truck to leave, I broke down, again, like I do every time I find something like this out.
i'm really feeling worn down. I know i'm not alone and there are plenty others who are feeling the way I am, but i'm feeling like i'm going to be the last one to get a THB. like that kid in school who always gets picked last to play games or go on a team. i'm feeling left behind. i'll be that one friend who doesn't have kids. the odd one out. i'm getting so very tired of this and I feel like i'm repeating myself each month now.
2.5 weeks til I see the specialist. hoping we'll figure out why we've been so unlucky two times and maybe a way to speed up the process. I can't do this forever.
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