Body image

... is basically non existent right now  : /

I had a hard time last time getting back into my WW routine and i'm finding its the same this time around as well. only difference is that last time I didn't gain as much in those 3 weeks of being pregnant and still had nearly half of what I wanted to lose left to keep going. this time, I had 7 weeks to gain some pregnancy weight and I had already surpassed my weight loss goal. I was feeling good about myself and never felt uncomfortable in my clothes, until now.

now, none of my pre-preg pants fit me, and majority of my shorts don't either  :'(  I've been trying to wear dresses and skirts when I can for work, but the seasons are going to be changing soon and its going to be a little too cold for summer dresses real fast. what the hell am I going to wear until  I can manage to get my ass in gear and drop these extra pounds?!?! I have one solitary pair of jeans and one pair of cords that kinda fit at the moment. pants I had only planned on keeping to get me through the post-partum phase after actually giving birth to a living baby, not this. my boobs haven't gone down in size since being pregnant either, so not only do my pants not fit, my bras don't either and I have that horrible double boob going on. I don't feel like I should be struggling to lose these extra pounds because I never got to give birth to a living baby. it got taken from me and now i'm left with this awful reminder that I see every time I look in a mirror.

I know i'm not a big girl by any stretch of the imagination and there's plenty of women who wish they were my size, but when you've struggled to lose so much weight in the first place and then was able to maintain that for over 6 months, not being able to kick yourself into gear is really disappointing.

why can't I find that determination?

I was hoping that starting at the gym would be the thing I needed, but my session got postponed until next week so I proceeded to stuff my face with half a loaf of eggnog bread that I had in the freezer from xmas and took out on Tuesday. I sabotaged myself. will the gym be enough next week to get me to stop these bad habits? I need to get back down to goal so my clothes fit. I need to feel comfortable in my skin again.