hopeful for nothing

(cycle 47, day 32, 13 dpo)

I wish I had a chance to temp over the weekend, but sleeping somewhere else wasn't going to be reliable enough for me. so I had that crazy temp dip on 8dpo, my temp recovered on 9dpo, or at least as far as I can tell since I only got 3 hours of sleep and temped about 2.5 hours early.... even with an adjusted temp, it was up slightly over other post O temps and then we were away for 3 nights. my temp this morning was still kinda high for post O, but just slightly lower than majority of my other LP temps so it seems as though its on its way down.

over the weekend I had a few things that made me think it was possible to be pregnant, a couple headaches here and there (but could be explained by a lack of water consumption), some tightness or slight cramps here and there (don't think I can explain those away on something else, but I could be looking way too hard at insignificant things), and didn't feel well most nights. I did break down and buy a 2-pack of FRERs and tested Saturday and Monday morning while away, but predictably they turned up BFN. I'm hoping its just not quite high enough to be picked up on a test, but given I got a BFP 4-5 days after implantation cramping (which happened at 5-6dpo both times), once its about 4-5 days after something that could have been implantation, I get a bit bummed if I don't see a BFP.

it sucks that this cycle likely didn't work, I'm getting really tired of trying and really tired of DH having hissy fits, but at least the next 2 cycles i'll get clomid. that should hopefully give us a boost and if those 2 cycles don't work, i'll feel like we're not going to have much of a choice in the way our family is made. at that point, I'm guessing it will either be IUI or IVF for us, or no kids at all.

why is this one taking so long compared to the others? I know the others were longer calendar wise, but this one is taking longer cycle wise where there was a chance.