(cycle 27, day 23, 8dpo)
i went to my yearly physical today. boy do i hate crying in the doctors office :-/
i was fine until we started talking more about TTC.
she now understands that NTNP pretty much equals a shot in the dark at getting pregnant since we only BD once a week or every other week when we aren't actively trying. with the way my cycles have been, i O on the same weekday every cycle. so say if O is always on a monday, we have to BD at some point between friday and monday. tuesday to thursday would be entirely useless, so we'd have to never BD on any of those days if we want any kind of chance any given cycle. BDing 2 days in one week is DH making an effort in the BDing department. its entirely frustrating, but its what i have to work with.
she also agreed that it is possible that its a hormone imbalance with DH if his sex drive is as low as i say it is. something like that could be a very easy fix. who knows, maybe that is our issue and all it would take is some hormone supplements and we'd be pregnant very quickly after that. this is the biggest reason i don't want to put off infertility testing much longer than we already have. if it is something simple that is an easy fix with meds, then why waste time on fruitless efforts in the meantime?
this cycle i was going to let DH off the hook an extra day or two before BDing, but then i got a headcold and he was on his man-period, so nothing happened til O day. she did make the suggestion of laying off him the few days before i'm fertile and then trying to make magic happen in the days i'm for sure fertile (thank god for a more regular cycle!) so there's a better chance, which is pretty much what my new plan was.
my doc was also encouraged with the fact that i have been able to concieve once on my own. i'm not comforted by that fact as i've seen too many women suffer loss after loss after loss and were able to conceive those babies naturally. so i don't see the merit in being able to acheive it on our own if that's no guarantee that we will conceive again and who's to say we won't have to go through another MC?
aside from that, we're waiting until we're done with the addition and moved into our new bedroom before resuming actively TTC. i'm not thrilled, but i can't exactly ask for more from DH than he's already doing. it sucks, but at least there's that small chance to hang onto this cycle as well as a relaxed vacation next cycle to possibly allow for some baby making fun towards the end of a relaxing week. if those don't work, at least there's only one or two more cycles that TTC would have be put on hold for, otherwise this "break" would feel a lot longer. so i'm hoping that by may, if it hasn't happened for us yet, DH will be willing to at least find out if there are any issues. it would take a cycle or two to get all the preliminary testing anyway, so that buys him another month til finding out if there is something wrong with one or both of us.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
the heart wants what the heart wants
(cycle 27, day 16, 1 dpo)
there's a tiny chance this month, but i'm just so over TTC right now, i debated not trying, but i want to be a mother so badly that i had to at least try a little bit...
i had a cold over the weekend, the same weekend we were supposed to be BDing. on friday i told DH we were supposed to be BDing and then he said he's been so stressed lately with the house that he'd kinda like to just put TTC on the back burner until our lives aren't as filled with working on the house. i can understand it, i kinda feel the same way, but by the same token, if we don't try, that might have been the cycle that took and we would've wasted it by not trying.
its been a pretty violent inner battle for me. my heart wants to feel the love and joy a LO would bring us but my head says we are far too stressed to add this to the insurmountable pile of things to do to continue doing this. we're both stressed beyond what we can handle and for somewhat different reasons. the 2+ years of TTC is screaming at me and is causing me stress because i just want it to happen already. i'm also acting as a project manager with the house so i'm doing a lot of the running around and dealing with trades (which also means having to do a lot of the dirty work with talking to them about insufficiencies), its not an easy job. DH is stressed because his truck acted up when he just doesn't have the time or patience to fix it. his job is also stressing him out because he'd rather be working up front where he's supposed to be instead of helping them keep up with the work in the back. with the house, he's acting as general contractor so he's doing a lot of manual labour on top of the manual labour he does at work. while the house is the common stressor for both of us, its for different reasons. i feel like i have a mountain of pressure on my shoulders because i get it from DH as well as trying to keep everything organized and stay on top of what needs to be done. its hard.
i'm hoping that going to mexico in 3 weeks will relax us so we can focus on working on the house and getting it done. and if this cycle doesn't work out, maybe we can squeeze in some relaxed BDing on vacation... one can hope!
there's a tiny chance this month, but i'm just so over TTC right now, i debated not trying, but i want to be a mother so badly that i had to at least try a little bit...
i had a cold over the weekend, the same weekend we were supposed to be BDing. on friday i told DH we were supposed to be BDing and then he said he's been so stressed lately with the house that he'd kinda like to just put TTC on the back burner until our lives aren't as filled with working on the house. i can understand it, i kinda feel the same way, but by the same token, if we don't try, that might have been the cycle that took and we would've wasted it by not trying.
its been a pretty violent inner battle for me. my heart wants to feel the love and joy a LO would bring us but my head says we are far too stressed to add this to the insurmountable pile of things to do to continue doing this. we're both stressed beyond what we can handle and for somewhat different reasons. the 2+ years of TTC is screaming at me and is causing me stress because i just want it to happen already. i'm also acting as a project manager with the house so i'm doing a lot of the running around and dealing with trades (which also means having to do a lot of the dirty work with talking to them about insufficiencies), its not an easy job. DH is stressed because his truck acted up when he just doesn't have the time or patience to fix it. his job is also stressing him out because he'd rather be working up front where he's supposed to be instead of helping them keep up with the work in the back. with the house, he's acting as general contractor so he's doing a lot of manual labour on top of the manual labour he does at work. while the house is the common stressor for both of us, its for different reasons. i feel like i have a mountain of pressure on my shoulders because i get it from DH as well as trying to keep everything organized and stay on top of what needs to be done. its hard.
i'm hoping that going to mexico in 3 weeks will relax us so we can focus on working on the house and getting it done. and if this cycle doesn't work out, maybe we can squeeze in some relaxed BDing on vacation... one can hope!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
House Update!!!
cannot believe i forgot to make a post about this, lol. anyway, the outside of our house is finally done. not without some frustrations of course.
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windows, installed, curtains hung in the living room and bedroom for extra privacy when sitting on the couch in my sweats and not getting blinded by the streetlight at night and the sun in the morning, hahahaha.
i made the curtains for the bedroom, and other than them being a little shorter than i intended (dh would actually prefer they were a lot shorter), i love them! i made blackout curtains so its even better than the blinds we had in there before. thank you pinterest, lol.
the siding also got "finished". we're not exactly happy with the guy that did it or the work that's been done. we're still trying to get something done about the bathroom vents which we were wanting the siding guy to do because we don't want to mess with the siding (why would we pay for someone to do it if we were just going to do a few things ourselves?) and also, you wouldn't just put siding right over vents in any other house, why would you do it now and then leave it for us to do? so that's been a bit of a bone of contention thatwe're i'm trying to work through and get the guy to come back and fix it. we also need to talk to him about the dented up soffit after he installed the stone on the front door wall... we're not impressed and i think there was a lot of miscommunication on both sides. it doesn't help that dh wants me to line up trades and call everyone that needs to be called and then gets mad when things aren't done the way he wants them or they don't talk to him. well if i'm the point of contact, yeah, they will talk to me most times instead of you. ugh.
anyway... look back at our house when we bought it:
a collage of the work done over the summer:
and a better and bigger pic of the finished product:
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so now we can focus on getting the shed done (in this terrible weather alberta always has when we want to do outside work) and working inside. dh got a good start on the inside last weekend so i'm hoping he can keep up his motivation and get the electrical done so we can completely insulate the addition and keep the house warm instead of always having a bit of a chill all the time. we're gettign there, just slowly...
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windows, installed, curtains hung in the living room and bedroom for extra privacy when sitting on the couch in my sweats and not getting blinded by the streetlight at night and the sun in the morning, hahahaha.
i made the curtains for the bedroom, and other than them being a little shorter than i intended (dh would actually prefer they were a lot shorter), i love them! i made blackout curtains so its even better than the blinds we had in there before. thank you pinterest, lol.the siding also got "finished". we're not exactly happy with the guy that did it or the work that's been done. we're still trying to get something done about the bathroom vents which we were wanting the siding guy to do because we don't want to mess with the siding (why would we pay for someone to do it if we were just going to do a few things ourselves?) and also, you wouldn't just put siding right over vents in any other house, why would you do it now and then leave it for us to do? so that's been a bit of a bone of contention that
anyway... look back at our house when we bought it:
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| still had the cedar trees in the front, lol |
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so now we can focus on getting the shed done (in this terrible weather alberta always has when we want to do outside work) and working inside. dh got a good start on the inside last weekend so i'm hoping he can keep up his motivation and get the electrical done so we can completely insulate the addition and keep the house warm instead of always having a bit of a chill all the time. we're gettign there, just slowly...
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
yet another let down
(cycle 27, day 2)
yet again AF showed up unwelcomed.
i'm getting worn out, exhausted, frustrated, and in general, ready to quit until we can get testing done to get some answers as to wtf is wrong and what is preventing us from conceiving. obviously i'm not going to just quit TTC because who knows, maybe one of the next 2 cycles before testing will be the lucky one for us. but if history has shown us anything, it won't be. its just that possibility that it could be that has me still wanting to attempt anything. fuck do i hate this process with a passion lately.
so this cycle, i'll be foregoing temping and just doing OPKs. they have been reliable for me before, and the second last time i did this, we made a baby (it didn't work for us in may when i tried it, but did back in december). i'm hoping the next 2 cycles will be exactly like the last 4 (O cd14/15 and AF on cd26-28 with a 12/13 day LP) which is pretty damn regular for me compared to before. i think the low dose aspirin is helping. its made the last 2 cycles exactly the same and even extended my LP an extra day. if just doing OPKs doesn't work this cycle, i'll be ditching all of it because there's no point when we'll be on vacation for most of my fertile time (we might be back home by O day). maybe that will do the trick. idk anymore.
so doc appt at the end of this month. 3 weeks from now... i just want some damn answers :-/
yet again AF showed up unwelcomed.
i'm getting worn out, exhausted, frustrated, and in general, ready to quit until we can get testing done to get some answers as to wtf is wrong and what is preventing us from conceiving. obviously i'm not going to just quit TTC because who knows, maybe one of the next 2 cycles before testing will be the lucky one for us. but if history has shown us anything, it won't be. its just that possibility that it could be that has me still wanting to attempt anything. fuck do i hate this process with a passion lately.
so this cycle, i'll be foregoing temping and just doing OPKs. they have been reliable for me before, and the second last time i did this, we made a baby (it didn't work for us in may when i tried it, but did back in december). i'm hoping the next 2 cycles will be exactly like the last 4 (O cd14/15 and AF on cd26-28 with a 12/13 day LP) which is pretty damn regular for me compared to before. i think the low dose aspirin is helping. its made the last 2 cycles exactly the same and even extended my LP an extra day. if just doing OPKs doesn't work this cycle, i'll be ditching all of it because there's no point when we'll be on vacation for most of my fertile time (we might be back home by O day). maybe that will do the trick. idk anymore.
so doc appt at the end of this month. 3 weeks from now... i just want some damn answers :-/
Monday, October 29, 2012
symptom hunting
(cycle 26, day 22, 7dpo)
trying not to get my hopes up and trying to chalk up any symptoms to other things and causes.
1. cramping/twinges in the morning when i first wake up. chalking it up to just paying far too much attention to every little thing going on in my body.
2. nose bleed. well more of a bit of blood when i blow my nose. chalking it up to breathing in too much drywall dust or insulation fibres yesterday.
3. frequent urination. chalking it up to it all being in my head. this one is standing out to me the most. typically i only have to pee once or twice (including fmu) before lunch time and by 10:30 my count was up to 4... that's not like me and i didn't drink any more liquids than i normally do in the morning.
4. fatigue. felt it all day but chalking it up to just being tired from spending a good portion of yesterday not bundled up in a warm blanket and working in the chilly addition. it could also be a lack of sleep, but i feel more tired than pretty much every single day last week with the same amount of sleep.
my chart isnt telling me much. temp is pretty average so nothing is standing out yet. i'm really hoping this is it since i had a bit of a freak out last week when my doc had to reschedule my nov 23rd appt and the first possible date was for nov 7... kind of a "shit's getting real" kind of moment when i realized how soon i'd be talking to my doc about fertility testing (2 weeks at the time). since if i get AF and not a BFP, i'd only be on cd3/4, that doesn't work for physicals so i had to schedule the appt for later on and ended up just 3 days after the original appt so all was well with my psyche and the timing of everything right now.
hoping i'll have more interesting things to post about very soon...... fingerscrossed!
trying not to get my hopes up and trying to chalk up any symptoms to other things and causes.
1. cramping/twinges in the morning when i first wake up. chalking it up to just paying far too much attention to every little thing going on in my body.
2. nose bleed. well more of a bit of blood when i blow my nose. chalking it up to breathing in too much drywall dust or insulation fibres yesterday.
3. frequent urination. chalking it up to it all being in my head. this one is standing out to me the most. typically i only have to pee once or twice (including fmu) before lunch time and by 10:30 my count was up to 4... that's not like me and i didn't drink any more liquids than i normally do in the morning.
4. fatigue. felt it all day but chalking it up to just being tired from spending a good portion of yesterday not bundled up in a warm blanket and working in the chilly addition. it could also be a lack of sleep, but i feel more tired than pretty much every single day last week with the same amount of sleep.
my chart isnt telling me much. temp is pretty average so nothing is standing out yet. i'm really hoping this is it since i had a bit of a freak out last week when my doc had to reschedule my nov 23rd appt and the first possible date was for nov 7... kind of a "shit's getting real" kind of moment when i realized how soon i'd be talking to my doc about fertility testing (2 weeks at the time). since if i get AF and not a BFP, i'd only be on cd3/4, that doesn't work for physicals so i had to schedule the appt for later on and ended up just 3 days after the original appt so all was well with my psyche and the timing of everything right now.
hoping i'll have more interesting things to post about very soon...... fingerscrossed!
Monday, October 22, 2012
3 for 3
(cycle 26, day 15)
i'm currently on my 3rd cycle since starting TTC again with the addition of low dose aspirin. its also my 5th consecutive cycle that has been between 26-28 days! i'm sure i hadn't started using the aspirin, i would have had those last 2 months of our break be that long, and then it would've gotten longer again, but to be consistently having cycles around the 4 week length mark, is great! no more waiting almost 3 weeks to O, but having to start BDing on cd10 in case i had a cycle that i was going to O late and then it just feels like time is dragging on when i don't O til cd19. the only thing i hate is that i have to deal with AF too often.
i'm really hoping 3rd times the charm since our break, cuz this whole TTC for over 2 years is getting super old!
on top of all this, i've finally booked my yearly physical with my doc for end of november... hoping that i'll be pregnant by then, but if not, i'll be able to get the requisition forms to get testing done in the new year when the house is done, so we can figure out why its taking so damn long. i'm just ready to be pregnant and have a baby already so that i'm not heading into my mid 30's by the time we think about baby #2...
UPDATE: as of october 25, i'm 3dpo! O'd on cd 15 (the day i made this post)
i'm currently on my 3rd cycle since starting TTC again with the addition of low dose aspirin. its also my 5th consecutive cycle that has been between 26-28 days! i'm sure i hadn't started using the aspirin, i would have had those last 2 months of our break be that long, and then it would've gotten longer again, but to be consistently having cycles around the 4 week length mark, is great! no more waiting almost 3 weeks to O, but having to start BDing on cd10 in case i had a cycle that i was going to O late and then it just feels like time is dragging on when i don't O til cd19. the only thing i hate is that i have to deal with AF too often.
i'm really hoping 3rd times the charm since our break, cuz this whole TTC for over 2 years is getting super old!
on top of all this, i've finally booked my yearly physical with my doc for end of november... hoping that i'll be pregnant by then, but if not, i'll be able to get the requisition forms to get testing done in the new year when the house is done, so we can figure out why its taking so damn long. i'm just ready to be pregnant and have a baby already so that i'm not heading into my mid 30's by the time we think about baby #2...
UPDATE: as of october 25, i'm 3dpo! O'd on cd 15 (the day i made this post)
Monday, October 15, 2012
GOAL!!!
i cannot believe i finally did it. i reached my WW goal 2 weeks ago and i totally forgot to post about it, lol. the first 25lbs were the easiest and didn't seem like much work, but the last 10 felt like they took just as long to lose as the first 25.
in total, it took me 9 months to lose 35lbs. i joined august 31/2011 at 159.6lbs, took 3 months off when i got pregnant and MC'd to heal emotionally before jumping back in, and reached goal on october 3/2012 at 124.2lbs.
its taken a lot of work and determination, and going to meetings cuz without them, i probably wouldn't have stuck with it and been able to lose all the weight i gained in the first year of marriage and then some.
so now i'm in the maintenance phase of WW and have to maintain my weight for 6 weeks. I can go up 2lbs over my goal, but no more, otherwise, i have to get back down to goal and start the 6 weeks over again. i can continue losing if i want and if my body will allow it (not sure how much more i could possibly lose cuz i'm not at all sure what my body will be comfortable with) down to the minimum weight WW advises for my height. i've done one week and have 5 more to go, i have a feeling the food/drinks i had this past weekend won't mean good things on the scale this week, but i'm back to my morning workout and i've got to drink a shitton of water to flush it out : P along with reaching goal, i also got my last charm/souvenir from WW. i got a keychain when i lost 10% of my starting weight. i got a charm for the keychain when i lost 25lbs. and 2 weeks ago, i got another charm for finally reaching goal. i even use the keychain and have the charms on it so that i hopefully never forget what it took to lose the weight and help me stay motivated to keep the weight off!
in total, it took me 9 months to lose 35lbs. i joined august 31/2011 at 159.6lbs, took 3 months off when i got pregnant and MC'd to heal emotionally before jumping back in, and reached goal on october 3/2012 at 124.2lbs.
its taken a lot of work and determination, and going to meetings cuz without them, i probably wouldn't have stuck with it and been able to lose all the weight i gained in the first year of marriage and then some.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_and_Infant_Loss_Remembrance_Day
just bringing some awareness to the subject : )
just bringing some awareness to the subject : )
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
the eh, the bad and the good...
(cycle 26, day 2)
1. AF showed up on monday, and i was super hopeful last week too. bugger. i had great symptoms, felt pregnant, had a temp spike, but that was it. temp dived by the end of the week so i knew it was coming. didn't stop AF from being a day late though. i even tested one last time the day she was due because i wasn't having any AF symptoms (but any pregnancy ones had all disappeared). we went to a concert the day she was due so i had to go prepared and then the bitch never showed til the morning, grr. so now i'm only 3 months away from when we would like to start testing, and conveniently enough, AF would be due right around new years to start things off. great. really hoping i get something else before we resort to that though.
2. i will never ever ever ever in a million years go to a concert at the edmonton expo centre again. the only other time i've gone to a concert there, it was assigned seating and basically just a really small version of rexall place. i assumed that it would've been the same settup, only general admission instead of assigned seating. it was terrible. it was in one of the new halls at the expo centre and there was no seating at all so we stood on concrete floors all night for 5 hours straight. the sound was also terrible. you couldn't make out any words anyone was saying on stage and even songs i knew the words to i didn't know what the song was til halfway through and really concentrating on the melody. and since it was standing only, i didn't get to see very much. what a massive waste of money for a bday present for my hubby :(
3. big changes to the house this week! we put in 2 long weeks worth of work and are finally ready for siding to go up :) its been a very long road to get to this point so we're happy that almost all the outside work is done. we also tore out a lot of drywall in the existing upstairs while it was fall cleanup week at the dump so we probably saved a few hundred bucks there. its definately nice having steps into the house now, and a big improvement on the ones that were there when we bought the house. i don't feel so bad for halloween trick or treaters anymore because our steps are safe and aren't 12' high, lol. we also have a door from the house to the garage now. i did a good portion of the step building and it was nice to do something like that instead of the normal drywall stuff i get to do. i did however manage to hurt myself in the process though... on the last nail of the last joist hanger... oops.
1. AF showed up on monday, and i was super hopeful last week too. bugger. i had great symptoms, felt pregnant, had a temp spike, but that was it. temp dived by the end of the week so i knew it was coming. didn't stop AF from being a day late though. i even tested one last time the day she was due because i wasn't having any AF symptoms (but any pregnancy ones had all disappeared). we went to a concert the day she was due so i had to go prepared and then the bitch never showed til the morning, grr. so now i'm only 3 months away from when we would like to start testing, and conveniently enough, AF would be due right around new years to start things off. great. really hoping i get something else before we resort to that though.
2. i will never ever ever ever in a million years go to a concert at the edmonton expo centre again. the only other time i've gone to a concert there, it was assigned seating and basically just a really small version of rexall place. i assumed that it would've been the same settup, only general admission instead of assigned seating. it was terrible. it was in one of the new halls at the expo centre and there was no seating at all so we stood on concrete floors all night for 5 hours straight. the sound was also terrible. you couldn't make out any words anyone was saying on stage and even songs i knew the words to i didn't know what the song was til halfway through and really concentrating on the melody. and since it was standing only, i didn't get to see very much. what a massive waste of money for a bday present for my hubby :(
3. big changes to the house this week! we put in 2 long weeks worth of work and are finally ready for siding to go up :) its been a very long road to get to this point so we're happy that almost all the outside work is done. we also tore out a lot of drywall in the existing upstairs while it was fall cleanup week at the dump so we probably saved a few hundred bucks there. its definately nice having steps into the house now, and a big improvement on the ones that were there when we bought the house. i don't feel so bad for halloween trick or treaters anymore because our steps are safe and aren't 12' high, lol. we also have a door from the house to the garage now. i did a good portion of the step building and it was nice to do something like that instead of the normal drywall stuff i get to do. i did however manage to hurt myself in the process though... on the last nail of the last joist hanger... oops.
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| front steps, frame work by me, and then finished off by others, lol. |
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| 2 rooms becoming one until we put up the new wall |
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I Really Need to be Ontop of Posting...
(cycle 25, day 24, 9dpo)
there's so much going on and i'm not posting nearly enough to keep on top of it so i guess i'm going to have to post more than once a week or once every other week...
anyway...
cycle update:
i've already mentioned how low dose aspirin is helping to better regulated my cycles, so no need to reiterate.
got my pos OPK on cd14 and Od on cd15 this cycle. felt some cramping which i guess is a new thing lately when i O. i don't mind, at least i know when O happens without waiting til the next day when i see a temp spike.
felt some cramping on 7dpo that has continued each day since. i'm hoping that was the start of implantation since i definately felt it last time i was pregnant around 6/7dpo. my boobs started hurting around 7dpo, but that's nothing new since that happens every cycle around the same time. monday night i was an irrational mess, lol. i had to do groceries since i was far too busy to do them on sunday, but i also had to make 3 additional stops that i normally don't have to make when i do groceries so it took me an extra half hour on top of the hour it typically takes me (which, btw, why the hell does canadian tire sell master craft shop vacs but not sell any bags to go with them, they only sell shop vac brand bags. annoying and ridiculous) and i was getting super hungry and could tell my blood sugar was getting low cuz i was getting weak and the thought of still having to carry all the bags to the front door and lift them up the 2 foot step that is the front door til we build new ones, sounded like an impossible task and i practically broke down in tears over it. dramatic much? haha. i've also been pretty tired at night, moreso that normal after a busy weekend. my eyes are so heavy by 9pm and 6am just comes way too soon, but the tiredness starts much earlier in the day. i'm also crazy bloated, more than i was last cycle. i did take a test this morning, but it was definately a BFN, but i'm hoping that its just taking a bit for the hcg to build up to give me a BFP in the coming days. last time, i didn't test til 4 days after i felt the implantation cramping and it was pretty faint that i'm not sure if i had tested the day before that i would have even gotten a positive, so that's giving me hope. my temp was hopeful yesterday, not so much today though. went from 36.6 monday to 36.97 yesterday (highest its ever been and had to temp twice to make sure it wasn't a fluke) and 36.8 today (which is more normal for me post O). we'll see what tomoro brings : )
house update:
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our garage slab got poured about a month ago, the driveway as about 2-3 weeks ago, and the walkway about 1-2 weeks ago. so now half the front yard is done. we got the old shed moved to my moms and we built a new one, just waiting for the siding on the house to be done so we can use up the rest on the shed. we worked like busy little bees over the weekend installing all the new windows in the existing half of the house so that we're ready for siding next week. we still have a bit of work to do over this coming weekend, but at least its a manageable list : ) we have to build new front steps, but that should hopefully only take a few hours. DH also has to put in the exterior electrical/plumbing and take down the last bit of siding. then we can tuck tape the housewrap seams and we're ready! the house will look very different come end of next week!!! for now, i will enjoy how much light comes into the living room with the new windows, lol.
i think that's all for updates right now... if i think of anything that needs to get added, i'll slip it in.
there's so much going on and i'm not posting nearly enough to keep on top of it so i guess i'm going to have to post more than once a week or once every other week...
anyway...
cycle update:
i've already mentioned how low dose aspirin is helping to better regulated my cycles, so no need to reiterate.
got my pos OPK on cd14 and Od on cd15 this cycle. felt some cramping which i guess is a new thing lately when i O. i don't mind, at least i know when O happens without waiting til the next day when i see a temp spike.
felt some cramping on 7dpo that has continued each day since. i'm hoping that was the start of implantation since i definately felt it last time i was pregnant around 6/7dpo. my boobs started hurting around 7dpo, but that's nothing new since that happens every cycle around the same time. monday night i was an irrational mess, lol. i had to do groceries since i was far too busy to do them on sunday, but i also had to make 3 additional stops that i normally don't have to make when i do groceries so it took me an extra half hour on top of the hour it typically takes me (which, btw, why the hell does canadian tire sell master craft shop vacs but not sell any bags to go with them, they only sell shop vac brand bags. annoying and ridiculous) and i was getting super hungry and could tell my blood sugar was getting low cuz i was getting weak and the thought of still having to carry all the bags to the front door and lift them up the 2 foot step that is the front door til we build new ones, sounded like an impossible task and i practically broke down in tears over it. dramatic much? haha. i've also been pretty tired at night, moreso that normal after a busy weekend. my eyes are so heavy by 9pm and 6am just comes way too soon, but the tiredness starts much earlier in the day. i'm also crazy bloated, more than i was last cycle. i did take a test this morning, but it was definately a BFN, but i'm hoping that its just taking a bit for the hcg to build up to give me a BFP in the coming days. last time, i didn't test til 4 days after i felt the implantation cramping and it was pretty faint that i'm not sure if i had tested the day before that i would have even gotten a positive, so that's giving me hope. my temp was hopeful yesterday, not so much today though. went from 36.6 monday to 36.97 yesterday (highest its ever been and had to temp twice to make sure it wasn't a fluke) and 36.8 today (which is more normal for me post O). we'll see what tomoro brings : )
house update:
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| bye bye old shed! |
Monday, September 24, 2012
the magic of low dose aspirin
(cycle 25, day 15)
well today might be O day, or tomoro, depends on what today's OPK tells me since i got my positive smiley face yesterday... so that's 2 cycles now that are within a day or two of eachother which rarely ever happened before low dose aspirin. my last cycle of our break was also a short one, so techinically that's 3 shorter cycles, but only 2 on the aspirin. that's never happened before. i'd get shorter and shorter and as soon as i got to Oing on cd14, i'd go back to having longer cycles and then progressively get shorter. i'm so glad its evened out :) no more agonizing waiting to O and getting frustrated worrying about dh getting worn out from having to BD EOD for possibly over a week. it also gets me into another cycle quickly instead of waiting nearly 3 weeks just to O...
i'm still waiting on my OPKs and preseed, was kinda hoping both would have come in the mail last week so i didn't have to use up the last of my digi OPKs this cycle and could use them for one more cycle by waiting til the cheapies started getting darker then use the digis. ah well, since i didn't O yesterday, there's still a chance for the preseed to arrive and be able to get at least some use out of it this cycle if we get super lucky and conceive. if we are that lucky, i'm okay with putting out that money because i'm hoping it jinxed me and i won't need any of it :P
i'm really hoping this cycle is it because the due date would work out perfectly with when my dad is planning on coming out here for my newly engaged sister's wedding... baby would be about a month old and he would get to meet the LO (little one) without a chance of missing it if we need to try another few months... we'd also be able to go back out to my aunt and uncles cabin in saskatchewan again because baby would be just old enough that i would feel comfortable leaving home for a few days/week. otherwise, we'd have to skip out on the cabin if we managed to get pregnant in the following 2-3 months after this cycle because i'd either be right at my due date, or very heavily pregannt and not want to be 5 hours away from home just in case, lol. *fingerscrossedsotightly*
well today might be O day, or tomoro, depends on what today's OPK tells me since i got my positive smiley face yesterday... so that's 2 cycles now that are within a day or two of eachother which rarely ever happened before low dose aspirin. my last cycle of our break was also a short one, so techinically that's 3 shorter cycles, but only 2 on the aspirin. that's never happened before. i'd get shorter and shorter and as soon as i got to Oing on cd14, i'd go back to having longer cycles and then progressively get shorter. i'm so glad its evened out :) no more agonizing waiting to O and getting frustrated worrying about dh getting worn out from having to BD EOD for possibly over a week. it also gets me into another cycle quickly instead of waiting nearly 3 weeks just to O...
i'm still waiting on my OPKs and preseed, was kinda hoping both would have come in the mail last week so i didn't have to use up the last of my digi OPKs this cycle and could use them for one more cycle by waiting til the cheapies started getting darker then use the digis. ah well, since i didn't O yesterday, there's still a chance for the preseed to arrive and be able to get at least some use out of it this cycle if we get super lucky and conceive. if we are that lucky, i'm okay with putting out that money because i'm hoping it jinxed me and i won't need any of it :P
i'm really hoping this cycle is it because the due date would work out perfectly with when my dad is planning on coming out here for my newly engaged sister's wedding... baby would be about a month old and he would get to meet the LO (little one) without a chance of missing it if we need to try another few months... we'd also be able to go back out to my aunt and uncles cabin in saskatchewan again because baby would be just old enough that i would feel comfortable leaving home for a few days/week. otherwise, we'd have to skip out on the cabin if we managed to get pregnant in the following 2-3 months after this cycle because i'd either be right at my due date, or very heavily pregannt and not want to be 5 hours away from home just in case, lol. *fingerscrossedsotightly*
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
remaining positive
(cycle 25, day 3)
good ol AF... shows up right on time every month... i hate that bitch...
anyway, i'm not in as bad a mood as i thought i would be. probably because i wasn't actually expecting us to be so lucky to conceive the first cycle after our break. i did get a couple evil evaps that were incredibly prominant, but they would show up about 30mins after testing and last a couple hours and then vanish into thin air. last time i got a BFP, it didn't disappear so i knew not to get my hopes up, even though i wanted to.
i've stocked up on OPKs and HPTs (though probably not nearly enough as i'll actually need to last me through all the OPKs, lol) and decided to try out preseed this time. its supposed to help mimic natural cm when ttc, which about 2 days before O i'm always like the sahara dessert and i could use the extra help with lube instead of chugging back shots of robitussin which make me gag (most cherry flavoured liquid meds make me gag).
so with my renewed enthusiasm towards ttc, i'm ready to get this cycle going!
good ol AF... shows up right on time every month... i hate that bitch...
anyway, i'm not in as bad a mood as i thought i would be. probably because i wasn't actually expecting us to be so lucky to conceive the first cycle after our break. i did get a couple evil evaps that were incredibly prominant, but they would show up about 30mins after testing and last a couple hours and then vanish into thin air. last time i got a BFP, it didn't disappear so i knew not to get my hopes up, even though i wanted to.
i've stocked up on OPKs and HPTs (though probably not nearly enough as i'll actually need to last me through all the OPKs, lol) and decided to try out preseed this time. its supposed to help mimic natural cm when ttc, which about 2 days before O i'm always like the sahara dessert and i could use the extra help with lube instead of chugging back shots of robitussin which make me gag (most cherry flavoured liquid meds make me gag).
so with my renewed enthusiasm towards ttc, i'm ready to get this cycle going!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
"relax"
(cycle 24, day 22, 8 dpo)
well, i must say, it feels like we literally just started TTC instead of just again because i'm so antsy to test already, lol. my temps are pretty high, not super high and not higher than i've had in past cycles, but its still high, so i'm hoping that's good. i forwent temping over the weekend in an effort to take it easy and "relax" (which i have a massive rant about the word "relax"), so its not helping my obsessive TTC nature because i'm constantly wondering if i had temped that maybe i'd've seen an implantation dip on monday... either way, my temp is on an upward trend (based on 2 days worth of temps, lol) so i'm crossing my fingers it stays up there! not much in the way of symptoms, they can all be explained away so i'm trying to read too much into them, even though i really want to. though i do feel a little off today......
and now to switch gears:
as for the "relax" word, yeah. that's been a thorn in my side for the last 8+ months. seriously. fertile ppl just don't get the sting that comes with saying that word to anyone that has been trying longer than 12 months. i tried the relaxed approach when i first put down the BCP. it didn't work very well and we never timed BDing right. that went on for probably 5 months or so. then we were timing BDing, albeit it wasn't the greatest timing each month and that went on for another couple months. finally after about 9 months we were doing better with timing. it then took us about 6 months to get pregnant but i was already into the process 16 months. sadly, we then lost our precious baby. we gave it a good try for 3 months and returned the to the "relaxed" approach and it once again proved useless to us. 3 months we were "relaxed" (as much as you can be when also dealing with home reno's) and again, didn't get pregnant. in fact, "relaxed" is closer to our version of BC. once again we weren't BDing when i was fertile, so how do you expect me to become pregnant by relaxing? HOW? i'm not the virgin mary for fuck sakes! here we are, 2 years into this, and i'm being told to relax by ppl who spent at most 3 months "trying" (not really trying, just having fun and "relaxing")?!?! yeah thanks for the advice but it clearly doesnt work and if i want any shot at getting pregnant, i have to obsessed with it and think about it all the time because when i don't, nothing happens.
so that is why we are going to give it a good go for a few months and if it continues to result in BFNs, i'll be talking to my doc becuase i refuse to live my life childless without putting in an honest effort.
thankyouverymuch!!!!
well, i must say, it feels like we literally just started TTC instead of just again because i'm so antsy to test already, lol. my temps are pretty high, not super high and not higher than i've had in past cycles, but its still high, so i'm hoping that's good. i forwent temping over the weekend in an effort to take it easy and "relax" (which i have a massive rant about the word "relax"), so its not helping my obsessive TTC nature because i'm constantly wondering if i had temped that maybe i'd've seen an implantation dip on monday... either way, my temp is on an upward trend (based on 2 days worth of temps, lol) so i'm crossing my fingers it stays up there! not much in the way of symptoms, they can all be explained away so i'm trying to read too much into them, even though i really want to. though i do feel a little off today......
and now to switch gears:
as for the "relax" word, yeah. that's been a thorn in my side for the last 8+ months. seriously. fertile ppl just don't get the sting that comes with saying that word to anyone that has been trying longer than 12 months. i tried the relaxed approach when i first put down the BCP. it didn't work very well and we never timed BDing right. that went on for probably 5 months or so. then we were timing BDing, albeit it wasn't the greatest timing each month and that went on for another couple months. finally after about 9 months we were doing better with timing. it then took us about 6 months to get pregnant but i was already into the process 16 months. sadly, we then lost our precious baby. we gave it a good try for 3 months and returned the to the "relaxed" approach and it once again proved useless to us. 3 months we were "relaxed" (as much as you can be when also dealing with home reno's) and again, didn't get pregnant. in fact, "relaxed" is closer to our version of BC. once again we weren't BDing when i was fertile, so how do you expect me to become pregnant by relaxing? HOW? i'm not the virgin mary for fuck sakes! here we are, 2 years into this, and i'm being told to relax by ppl who spent at most 3 months "trying" (not really trying, just having fun and "relaxing")?!?! yeah thanks for the advice but it clearly doesnt work and if i want any shot at getting pregnant, i have to obsessed with it and think about it all the time because when i don't, nothing happens.
so that is why we are going to give it a good go for a few months and if it continues to result in BFNs, i'll be talking to my doc becuase i refuse to live my life childless without putting in an honest effort.
thankyouverymuch!!!!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
post junkie, lol
(cycle 24, day 15, 1 dpo)
apparently i like to post a lot lately....
anyway, today i'm pretty sure i'm 1dpo! finally!!
i wasn't expecting to O so soon because of the OPKs, but i'm okay that i did because we had good BD timing and i can let DH off the hook for anymore because its too late to make a last ditch effort this cycle now anyway. i'm sure he'll appreciate the break though.
so now that i'm in the 2ww, i'll get to over analyze and obsess about every little thing that happens in my body starting at the beginning of next week. debating whether to continue temping next week after i get crosshairs on friday. not sure i want to see my temp drop yet again like all other failed cycles... but on the other hand, if i skip temping weekends, it won't really matter since my temp drop would happen during next weekend so i won't even know about it. i guess that settles it then, lol. it would be cool to see an implantation dip and subsequent temp shift if we are successful, but i'm not counting on it cuz that's just too easy on our first cycle trying again.
apparently i like to post a lot lately....
anyway, today i'm pretty sure i'm 1dpo! finally!!
i wasn't expecting to O so soon because of the OPKs, but i'm okay that i did because we had good BD timing and i can let DH off the hook for anymore because its too late to make a last ditch effort this cycle now anyway. i'm sure he'll appreciate the break though.
so now that i'm in the 2ww, i'll get to over analyze and obsess about every little thing that happens in my body starting at the beginning of next week. debating whether to continue temping next week after i get crosshairs on friday. not sure i want to see my temp drop yet again like all other failed cycles... but on the other hand, if i skip temping weekends, it won't really matter since my temp drop would happen during next weekend so i won't even know about it. i guess that settles it then, lol. it would be cool to see an implantation dip and subsequent temp shift if we are successful, but i'm not counting on it cuz that's just too easy on our first cycle trying again.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
picture explosion!
an update on things non-TTC and non-house related, in picture form :) |
| on father's day, i made golf themed cupcakes, a pinterest find |
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| "ice cream" cupcakes for my sister's bday, yet another pinterest find, lol |
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| in the beginning of july, my baby turned 3! cannot believe we've had her that long! |
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| in july, i made my very first batch of strawberry rhubarb jam! |
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| and with the remaining rhubarb i had, i also made my very first pie! a little shocking i've never made a pie before considering how much i like to bake... |
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| another pinterest project that took me far longer to finish than intented... they look great in the living room though! |
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| at the end of July we went to my uncle's cabin on Jackfish Lake, SK. DH liked feeding the squirrels crackers while most of my cousins thought they were creepy and screamed each time they cross their path, lol |
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| while at the lake, we got some fun on the water in the tube and jetski i particulartly liked zipping around on the jetski |
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| DH was most happy about getting some fishing in and actually catching something this trip (2 actually). the story with this pic: the day's catch yeilded one fish so much uncle said if DH could catch another one in the 30 mins before supper,that they would fry them up as a snack before supper like the previous night. DH accepted the challenge fully intent on succeeding. the water was calm, perfect for the canoe. he set out and caught one in 15 mins. as he was trying to get it in the canoe, he realized he didn't have a net to scoop it up and tried getting it in with just the hook in its mouth. we were all on the beach cheering him on for hooking one so quickly... needless to say, that fish fell back in the lake and he had to start over, lol. he did manage to catch another one within the original 30 mins, so he definately completed the challenge, we just didn't eat it til the next day since supper was ready by that time. |
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| technically his 3rd catch of the trip :P |
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| i got a lot of opportunities to pull out my camera and practice (as evidenced in the previous pics) while out at the lake, one of my favourites being this bright pic of the nearby lighthouse. ...and yes, we climbed all those steps to the top, all of them, lol. |
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| at a friends wedding in august - showing off my much trimmer figure, haha. (i've got one pound to go til i hit my goal weight!!!) |
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| i had no idea our dog liked water so much, lol. every time i run a bath for her, i have to carry her upstairs from the furthest corner of the house to the tub. when we walk near sprinklers or have one going in the back yard, she makes a point of walking as far as possible out of the way of the spray from it. one evening when DH was soaking the garage floor to compact the lose dirt, she was being curious so he sprayed a bit of water in her direction and she apparently LOVED IT! he called me outside to watch her and she just kept running in the water being sprayed out the hose and trying to attack it and eat it like it were attacking her in the first place, lol. it was super cute and i got a ton of video of it because the pictures just don't do it justice :) |
Monday, August 27, 2012
waiting, story of my life, ha!
(cycle 24, day 13)
dammit, still waiting for a damn positive OPK.... figures, last cycle would be on the shorter side and this cycle i would go right back to being on the longer side and then DH will get worn out before i even O. Ugh! typical though, i guess i should've expected it :P at least my temp is still in pre O range so i can't be too far off of it. hopefully by friday i'll have Od and then i can agonize over being in the 2ww, lol.
no sooner do i post this and then get my positive OPK, lol. almost exactly 2 hours after writing about still waiting for that damn positive.... crossing my fingers we get super lucky this cycle!!!
dammit, still waiting for a damn positive OPK.... figures, last cycle would be on the shorter side and this cycle i would go right back to being on the longer side and then DH will get worn out before i even O. Ugh! typical though, i guess i should've expected it :P at least my temp is still in pre O range so i can't be too far off of it. hopefully by friday i'll have Od and then i can agonize over being in the 2ww, lol.
no sooner do i post this and then get my positive OPK, lol. almost exactly 2 hours after writing about still waiting for that damn positive.... crossing my fingers we get super lucky this cycle!!!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
More Progress on the House
(cycle 24, day 8)
side note: i was really trying not to count actual cycle days and just know what day we need to start BDing and that we should do that for a week, is totally working against me, lol.
anyway...
i should mention the ordeal DH went through to get the sewer line tied in... sheesh. we didn't think it would be more than 9 or 10 feet in the ground and had a general idea where it would be. well we were in the right area, but it took us (well him) 3 days to find it :/ the first day, he spent about 4 hours digging and moving dirt around hoping to find it with no luck and then had a bday part to go to so he put it on hold til the next day. the next day wasn't any more successful. after another couple hours looking for the sewer line and a lot of frustration later, he abondoned the hole for another night. he did have his plumber buddy come over to give him an idea of where it would be. he looked down the main in the road and said it was pretty deep so we probably had a few extra feet left to dig... that could not have been more true. DH found it within about 45 minutes that morning, 13 FEET IN THE GROUND! the machine hoe we had only reaches about 12' directly below itself and since there was already a hole there, he had to do it by hand. such a pain in the ass. didn't help that the hole kept filling with water so he was battling that along with the mud at the bottom giving way under his feet so he didn't have a solid footing. he finally got the fiting in and quickly got to filling the hole back up. we'll definately be hiring someone if we ever need to do that again.... worst idea ever!!!
so fast forward about a week and we started trenching in the garage to run the sewer and electrical lines in the ground and thinking we would be protected from weather... YEAH RIGHT! apparently walls and a floor overhead doesn't stop driving rain from coming it and making a mess of everything :( so we had to abandon that ship for another day as there was so much rain coming down it was soaking the ground within 2 or so feet of the doors... not fun. we got back to working on that another day with better success. of course if my DH had even the slightest bit of patience, none of these things that go wrong would seem as bad as they do, but since patience is his nemisis things get blown out of proportion :P so we worked on the sewer line and it was hot out so every little annoyance turned into the end of the world, but we got it done :)
concrete should be getting poured in the next day or two!!! so that also means we'll be getting the windows and doors in the addition in the next week or so when our framer comes back (and possibly the windows and doors in the existing house if we ask him nicely and pay him...). at that point, we can start running electrical lines and the plumbing runs and get those inspections done. and then we can move on to insulation, vapour barrier and drywall, ah!
with the garage slab going in this week, we'll also be getting someone to grade the front yard/driveway and then we can get the driveway poured which is super exciting because we haven't had a driveway in 3 months (4 by the time we can drive on it), lol. we're also hoping to get someone to do the siding and such in september/october so that will wrap up the outside work until the spring :)
our new furnace is also getting installed. it would have been this week, but the wrong coil thingy for the A/C option was wrong, so they have to wait for the right part to come in next week and they can finish that up. the nights sure are getting cold and it would be nice to turn it back on.
i still have yet to get a pic of the house with all the shingles on the roof... for now, i'll just throw in some other pics of various things having to do with the addition :)
side note: i was really trying not to count actual cycle days and just know what day we need to start BDing and that we should do that for a week, is totally working against me, lol.
anyway...
i should mention the ordeal DH went through to get the sewer line tied in... sheesh. we didn't think it would be more than 9 or 10 feet in the ground and had a general idea where it would be. well we were in the right area, but it took us (well him) 3 days to find it :/ the first day, he spent about 4 hours digging and moving dirt around hoping to find it with no luck and then had a bday part to go to so he put it on hold til the next day. the next day wasn't any more successful. after another couple hours looking for the sewer line and a lot of frustration later, he abondoned the hole for another night. he did have his plumber buddy come over to give him an idea of where it would be. he looked down the main in the road and said it was pretty deep so we probably had a few extra feet left to dig... that could not have been more true. DH found it within about 45 minutes that morning, 13 FEET IN THE GROUND! the machine hoe we had only reaches about 12' directly below itself and since there was already a hole there, he had to do it by hand. such a pain in the ass. didn't help that the hole kept filling with water so he was battling that along with the mud at the bottom giving way under his feet so he didn't have a solid footing. he finally got the fiting in and quickly got to filling the hole back up. we'll definately be hiring someone if we ever need to do that again.... worst idea ever!!!
so fast forward about a week and we started trenching in the garage to run the sewer and electrical lines in the ground and thinking we would be protected from weather... YEAH RIGHT! apparently walls and a floor overhead doesn't stop driving rain from coming it and making a mess of everything :( so we had to abandon that ship for another day as there was so much rain coming down it was soaking the ground within 2 or so feet of the doors... not fun. we got back to working on that another day with better success. of course if my DH had even the slightest bit of patience, none of these things that go wrong would seem as bad as they do, but since patience is his nemisis things get blown out of proportion :P so we worked on the sewer line and it was hot out so every little annoyance turned into the end of the world, but we got it done :)
concrete should be getting poured in the next day or two!!! so that also means we'll be getting the windows and doors in the addition in the next week or so when our framer comes back (and possibly the windows and doors in the existing house if we ask him nicely and pay him...). at that point, we can start running electrical lines and the plumbing runs and get those inspections done. and then we can move on to insulation, vapour barrier and drywall, ah!
with the garage slab going in this week, we'll also be getting someone to grade the front yard/driveway and then we can get the driveway poured which is super exciting because we haven't had a driveway in 3 months (4 by the time we can drive on it), lol. we're also hoping to get someone to do the siding and such in september/october so that will wrap up the outside work until the spring :)
our new furnace is also getting installed. it would have been this week, but the wrong coil thingy for the A/C option was wrong, so they have to wait for the right part to come in next week and they can finish that up. the nights sure are getting cold and it would be nice to turn it back on.
i still have yet to get a pic of the house with all the shingles on the roof... for now, i'll just throw in some other pics of various things having to do with the addition :)
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| master bedroom framing |
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| sewer plumbing to existing sewer line |
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| new electrical panel and conduit running to the panel inside the house |
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
CD 1!!!!!!
(cycle 24, day 1)
finally the day has come where we can actively TTC again :) these last 3 months felt like forever and it wasn't until the last month of the break that i actually felt okay and stressfree about it, go figure.
so i'm keeping updated on cycle days in my TTC posts again... i know i wasn't actively trying for those 3 months so we haven't actually been trying for 24 cycles, but i'm counting from when i ditched the BC, including any cycles were NTNP. thank god AF showed up this early, it means that i shouldn't get AF on either the EDD of our angel baby, or the 2nd anniversary of when we ditched the BC, cuz that would just be the icing on the proverbial cake wouldn't it? i'm arleady dreading those days, i did not want AF pilled on top of it!
anyway, i'm actually looking forward to trying again instead of it being another chore and just something to help ease the pain the of the MC, which i can't believe it has taken me this long to fully heal (6 months). i did feel like i lost a living, breathing child and by MCing, i lost celebrating their birthdays, xmas, easter, halloween, first days of school, graduation.... i missed out on all of that and it really bogged me down. i just didn't realize how much until we took this break over the summer.
so i'm kind of starting fresh, aside from it being nearly 2 years of TTC and a MC of course... i'm ready to jump in feet first and do what i can to get this show on the road! i've started taking baby aspirin, i'm going to be doing OPKs again, and taking my temps again starting cd10 til i get crosshairs confirming O. and seduce my hubby as much as possible when i'm fertile :P but that's obviously a given since babies aren't made when abstaining, lol.
hopefully the baby dust and magic HPT i got (from very special friends that its worked for) will do its magic now that we'll be actually trying to make a baby instead of being laisse faire, haha.
finally the day has come where we can actively TTC again :) these last 3 months felt like forever and it wasn't until the last month of the break that i actually felt okay and stressfree about it, go figure.
so i'm keeping updated on cycle days in my TTC posts again... i know i wasn't actively trying for those 3 months so we haven't actually been trying for 24 cycles, but i'm counting from when i ditched the BC, including any cycles were NTNP. thank god AF showed up this early, it means that i shouldn't get AF on either the EDD of our angel baby, or the 2nd anniversary of when we ditched the BC, cuz that would just be the icing on the proverbial cake wouldn't it? i'm arleady dreading those days, i did not want AF pilled on top of it!
anyway, i'm actually looking forward to trying again instead of it being another chore and just something to help ease the pain the of the MC, which i can't believe it has taken me this long to fully heal (6 months). i did feel like i lost a living, breathing child and by MCing, i lost celebrating their birthdays, xmas, easter, halloween, first days of school, graduation.... i missed out on all of that and it really bogged me down. i just didn't realize how much until we took this break over the summer.
so i'm kind of starting fresh, aside from it being nearly 2 years of TTC and a MC of course... i'm ready to jump in feet first and do what i can to get this show on the road! i've started taking baby aspirin, i'm going to be doing OPKs again, and taking my temps again starting cd10 til i get crosshairs confirming O. and seduce my hubby as much as possible when i'm fertile :P but that's obviously a given since babies aren't made when abstaining, lol.
hopefully the baby dust and magic HPT i got (from very special friends that its worked for) will do its magic now that we'll be actually trying to make a baby instead of being laisse faire, haha.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
its been 6 months and i still think of you every day....
how i would be decorating your nursery, watching my tummy move every night, getting excited about our future, how we would discipline you, who's turn it is to change your diaper, packing the hospital bag, setting up the crib, putting the stroller together, strapping in the carseat waiting for your arrival...
i'm still so lost without you...
how i would be decorating your nursery, watching my tummy move every night, getting excited about our future, how we would discipline you, who's turn it is to change your diaper, packing the hospital bag, setting up the crib, putting the stroller together, strapping in the carseat waiting for your arrival...
i'm still so lost without you...
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
it's starting to look like a house!
the addition is slowly coming along... dh and some helpers got the shingles on the main roof on this past weekend so we can now get the door to the addition knocked out! that will be very exciting as i haven't been in the upstairs portion yet due to my fear of heights, lol. we're also clearing out the room the door is going into tonight. that means progress :-)
of course, shingling the roof did not coming free of drama... the first day was perfect, warm and sunny, but pretty well perfect. until it rained that evening and the roof started leaking cuz there were parts of the roof left unprotected for the next day. twas not fun dealing with an overly stressed dh who when the weather goes sour, so does he :-/ and of course it rained the entire next day so the poor guys worked through the rain to get it done. it looks good though as it doesn't have a visible line where the addition and existing house meet (i'll have to get a picture later on). the only shingles left to do are a 7'x18' section on the lower roof because the existing roof was just done 2 years ago :-)
now we begin the process of getting the floor of the garage ready for concrete so we can get the doors and windows installed in the addition, as well as get drywall upstairs before the windows go in so we don't have to haul the sheets up the stairs through the house... then we can also work on getting the new windows in the existing house and try to get a hold of someone to do the siding for us (and probably saving ourselves a couple weeks worth of work and frustration). by that point, we should be able to finally get working on the inside and the most existing part of the addition!!!
of course, shingling the roof did not coming free of drama... the first day was perfect, warm and sunny, but pretty well perfect. until it rained that evening and the roof started leaking cuz there were parts of the roof left unprotected for the next day. twas not fun dealing with an overly stressed dh who when the weather goes sour, so does he :-/ and of course it rained the entire next day so the poor guys worked through the rain to get it done. it looks good though as it doesn't have a visible line where the addition and existing house meet (i'll have to get a picture later on). the only shingles left to do are a 7'x18' section on the lower roof because the existing roof was just done 2 years ago :-)
now we begin the process of getting the floor of the garage ready for concrete so we can get the doors and windows installed in the addition, as well as get drywall upstairs before the windows go in so we don't have to haul the sheets up the stairs through the house... then we can also work on getting the new windows in the existing house and try to get a hold of someone to do the siding for us (and probably saving ourselves a couple weeks worth of work and frustration). by that point, we should be able to finally get working on the inside and the most existing part of the addition!!!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
our house looks huge!
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that's what our house looks like right now... well a lot more wet since its been raining and stupid windy for the last day and a bit... but its progress nonetheless so that alone is very exciting :-D
we still have that stupid dirt mountain in our front yard but its not going anywhere until we find someone to take it off our hands. i guess that's okay, just at some point before we actually start using the new bathroom, we have to have it out of the way so we can tie in the plumbing...
given how the weather has been today, i wouldn't be surprised if our framer decided to work on something else, lol. we should have the trusses and last bit of sheathing on tomoro as well as possibly our windows, but he might wait a few more days before doing that. dh is also likely to shingle the lower front roof this coming weekend and then we're trying to get a group of guys together to shingle the main upper roof next weekend... hopefully we can find some help cuz i'm of no use due to my slight fear of heights.
we've also got to start clearing out the spare bedrooms so we can begin demo on them, especially since there will be a door to the addition in one of them very soon. once we get about a week from putting up the siding, we'll go ahead and replace the exisiting windows and doors, but that's probably not til august. also on the agenda very soon, getting that slab in the garage once the roof is on!
busy busy busy around our house.
... like it would be anything but busy :-P
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
TTC Update... Sorta
i'm going to start off by saying that i started this post almost a week ago so it should all be past tense, as in last cycle, not this cycle as in current...
so its no lie that i have been really struggling with our decision to NTNP. i'm not sure if its because its the first month of doing it so it was a bit of a shock to the system and everyone that goes this route deals with these kinds of emotions, or if its just me :-/
i knew when i was fertile this cycle but there wasn't anything i could do about it. DH wasn't having any of it so there was absolutely no chance for a baby this month... it drove me crazy not having any control over this and the amount of emotions i was dealing with. it just got worse near the end of and i basically had an emotional break down. its all too much to deal with but i don't know how best to deal with it either. i really am struggling, like bad.
we've talked a tiny bit, and so far have only decided that we will begin TTC fully again starting around our second wedding anniversary in 2 months. i've also decided that i will find a fitness or bootcamp type class to help distract myself during the week when i have far too much time to wallow in my self pity and thinking to myself. so far, since making these decisions, i have been doing a little better because i know what the game plan is and its not all up in the air anymore. TTC is no longer "at some point in future".
so its no lie that i have been really struggling with our decision to NTNP. i'm not sure if its because its the first month of doing it so it was a bit of a shock to the system and everyone that goes this route deals with these kinds of emotions, or if its just me :-/
i knew when i was fertile this cycle but there wasn't anything i could do about it. DH wasn't having any of it so there was absolutely no chance for a baby this month... it drove me crazy not having any control over this and the amount of emotions i was dealing with. it just got worse near the end of and i basically had an emotional break down. its all too much to deal with but i don't know how best to deal with it either. i really am struggling, like bad.
we've talked a tiny bit, and so far have only decided that we will begin TTC fully again starting around our second wedding anniversary in 2 months. i've also decided that i will find a fitness or bootcamp type class to help distract myself during the week when i have far too much time to wallow in my self pity and thinking to myself. so far, since making these decisions, i have been doing a little better because i know what the game plan is and its not all up in the air anymore. TTC is no longer "at some point in future".
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Backfilling!
apparently i haven't been doing a good job at keeping this updated :-/
anyway...
we've now done a good portion of the backfilling. still need to fill in some spots and grade the outside so that its back up to the level it was before digging the hole. we also have to better level out the inside for when we do get to pour the slab. we've decided to go ahead with framing before fine tuning the slab prep and whatnot so that its protected from the elements when we do the plumbing/conduit trenching and when they pour the slab. FRAMING STARTS MONDAY!!! when the framing gets started, then things really start to take shape :-)
we're hoping we can find a way to get rid of the dirt mountain in our front yard so we can have somewhere for materials to get delivered and not be in the "driveway"... plus it would just be nice to get rid of that pile of dirt anyway.
anyway...
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| just starting to get it backfilled... |
we're hoping we can find a way to get rid of the dirt mountain in our front yard so we can have somewhere for materials to get delivered and not be in the "driveway"... plus it would just be nice to get rid of that pile of dirt anyway.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
setbacks, ugh
so what we thought was a pretty damn nice hole, was apparently not so nice for removing forms from concrete walls... so they showed up on tuesday, marked how much bigger we needed to make it and said they'd be back at some point later in the week... twas not a fun couple days... especially not the first where DH was all worked up and hating life and such. fortis also didn't show up to hook up our temporary box so we could restore power to the house. once he calmed down and just got to work, he wasn't too bad.
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so we spend that evening working on it, but of course, there's only so many hours in a day to get things done. the digging machine was also having issues (a collapsed fuel line which dh fixed the next morning) so it was slowing us down since we had to build a "bridge" (read: fill in hole with dirt that was already removed) and it was not cooperating and kept stalling out. we did our best and worked like little worker bees until probably 10pm and even through the 30+min rain shower, but we still weren't done. not even close. we made the decision to take the next day off work so we could just get it finished and ready for concrete. the next day, it was just me and dh working, which, since its our house, is perfectly fine. we were actually working really well with eachother. i was surprised since the last time we did a home reno project together, we argued all the time. so that morning, our windows finally got ordered and we did a ton of work. we had finished by the end of the day and we even had our power hooked up! it was great : ) however, we did pay for it, well probably me more than him, with how sore our muscles were after almost a week of digging... i did just about all the handwork (with some help here and there) and he did all the work from a seat in a machine...
saturday morning, concrete finally showed up. finally we were getting somewhere isntead of just having a temporary bike pit set up, lol. dh wasn't home that day, so i had the joy of jumping out of bed as soon as they pulled up in case they came knocking on the door (they didn't) so that i wasn't answering in my pj's without a bra, lol.
funny story:
while they were setting up the forms, i could hear them talking and one guy asked inquisitively, "i wonder how they made the hole bigger? we definately don't have a problem removing forms now, haha." and the other guy guessed exactly what we had done. oh how i wish we didn't have to do all that work to get that accomplished, but it had to be done...
so they poured the footings and i took some obligatory pictures and then they were gone. no one asked us for money, didn't tell us what to do if it rained like crazy, nothing. well that's not entirely true, i asked about the money, but they said their boss wasn't in town anymore and that we should contact him to find out... they came back on tuesday to set up the forms and pour the walls. it rained a bit like crazy for about an hour and i think they decided to take a break while the weather was being stupid. they came back later in the afternoon and the best sight of all greeted me when i came home:
they came back the next day and removed the forms. dh was a little upset at the anchoring system they chose, talked to a few ppl to see if it was an asinine thing or common (apparently my word doens't count for much even though i'm in the damn profession) and he's okay with it, not happy, but okay. he's made a point that if we ever build a new house, that we will definately not be using this method... yeah, in like never! i'm not moving!!!
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so now we have all of our concrete walls done and our foundation inspection is tomoro. then we have to wait another 2 weeks (the time dh wants to wait before we backfill, we were only going to wait a week...) before we can move all the dirt back and then get working on some other things, like trenching for conduit, the slab, framing, drywell, all sorts of fun stuff, lol. so we're well on our way now and there's filling the hole and abondoning the whole thing as there will be evidence seen if we do that such as a concrete wall sticking out the ground :-P
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| the pump-er-thingy for concrete |
funny story:
while they were setting up the forms, i could hear them talking and one guy asked inquisitively, "i wonder how they made the hole bigger? we definately don't have a problem removing forms now, haha." and the other guy guessed exactly what we had done. oh how i wish we didn't have to do all that work to get that accomplished, but it had to be done...
so they poured the footings and i took some obligatory pictures and then they were gone. no one asked us for money, didn't tell us what to do if it rained like crazy, nothing. well that's not entirely true, i asked about the money, but they said their boss wasn't in town anymore and that we should contact him to find out... they came back on tuesday to set up the forms and pour the walls. it rained a bit like crazy for about an hour and i think they decided to take a break while the weather was being stupid. they came back later in the afternoon and the best sight of all greeted me when i came home:
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| CONCRETE!!! |
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so now we have all of our concrete walls done and our foundation inspection is tomoro. then we have to wait another 2 weeks (the time dh wants to wait before we backfill, we were only going to wait a week...) before we can move all the dirt back and then get working on some other things, like trenching for conduit, the slab, framing, drywell, all sorts of fun stuff, lol. so we're well on our way now and there's filling the hole and abondoning the whole thing as there will be evidence seen if we do that such as a concrete wall sticking out the ground :-PMonday, May 28, 2012
lots going on...
well, it happened, we had to take a break from TTC :'( i was so sure it happened and was sure i saw a hint of something on a test... but like clockwork, and a day early at that, AF showed up after wicked backache. i really hate that bitch. i can't fucking seem to get pregnant. everyone else can without much trouble or work, but i can't. it fucking sucks. so now that we're increadibly busy, i'm not even sure that we'll ever even have time to BD, let alone BD at any point while i'm freaking fertile so i could miraculously get pregnant when we aren't actively trying... that would be too easy after everything we've been through. i'm hoping my mind becomes distracted by something because making and wanting a baby are still pretty much #1 on my mind all the time, particularly when i have time to myself. this blows.
so now, we are in full swing with the addition. its been a very busy weekend, with a lot of work, a lot of sore muscles but a big sense of accomplishment (my dh wouldn't say that, lol) that we actually got the hole dug for the foundation for the whole thing before concrete was due to show up! we thought we were going to have concrete this morning, but i guess their scheduling ended up pushing them to come tomoro. that's okay, i just hope the weather holds up with all that messy dirt everywhere.... that could really cause some greif and a lot of anger for the hubby :-/
the windows are getting ordered tomoro, the joist and truss systems got ordered last week, concrete is this week, the hole is dug, we tentatively have a framer (though that still has to get worked out) and we have no power! lol. dh got our power turned off on friday because we were digging all weekend, but didn't get a chance to set up a temporary box and meter before the end of the work day so we've been without power since then... so i jumped ship and took the dog to sleep at my moms until our power is restored, hopefully tomoro *fingers crossed* i'd really like to be able to sleep in my own bed with my dh again... i miss him <3 for now, our fridge is plugged into an extension cord that our neighbour has kindly let us plug into his house until we get power back, but that still means we have no heat so that's why i jumped ship, lol.
its all started to get underway. i'm excited, nervous and anxious all rolled into one!
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| the first shovelful of many many many shovels, lol |
so now, we are in full swing with the addition. its been a very busy weekend, with a lot of work, a lot of sore muscles but a big sense of accomplishment (my dh wouldn't say that, lol) that we actually got the hole dug for the foundation for the whole thing before concrete was due to show up! we thought we were going to have concrete this morning, but i guess their scheduling ended up pushing them to come tomoro. that's okay, i just hope the weather holds up with all that messy dirt everywhere.... that could really cause some greif and a lot of anger for the hubby :-/
the windows are getting ordered tomoro, the joist and truss systems got ordered last week, concrete is this week, the hole is dug, we tentatively have a framer (though that still has to get worked out) and we have no power! lol. dh got our power turned off on friday because we were digging all weekend, but didn't get a chance to set up a temporary box and meter before the end of the work day so we've been without power since then... so i jumped ship and took the dog to sleep at my moms until our power is restored, hopefully tomoro *fingers crossed* i'd really like to be able to sleep in my own bed with my dh again... i miss him <3 for now, our fridge is plugged into an extension cord that our neighbour has kindly let us plug into his house until we get power back, but that still means we have no heat so that's why i jumped ship, lol.
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| end of the weekend, its a lot of dirt, and not a lot of space to put it... |
its all started to get underway. i'm excited, nervous and anxious all rolled into one!
Friday, May 18, 2012
I Have a Hate On For Mother's Day...
(cycle 20)
not so fond of mother's day now after what's happened this year. last year wasn't so bad because we'd only been trying for about 6-7 months so i wasn't at all sad that i wasn't pregnant yet. since we've been trying for so long now, i thought for sure we'd have a kid by now so i would get to celebrate mother's day or at the very least still be pregnant like i was supposed to be. that dream's been shattered and i'm not very confident that next mother's day will be any different...
women dealing with infertility, miscarriage, stillborn, or even have just been trying for a long time (like a year +) don't get the recognition that mother's of living babies get every year in may. it hurts. we're rarely thought of and are left to suffer in silence. only those that know about "infertility awareness month" in october even think of those dealing with it. otherwise, we're cast aside because it remains to be a bit of a taboo subject amoung society.
anyway, no one in my family was very supportive on mother's day. if anything, they didn't even acknowledge that i would even be struggling with it and made comments like "you're still a mom to your dog", but as anyone who has gone through a MC knows, that's a very hurtful comment. my aunt (who is alone, childless and 2 dogs that are her "kids") even had the gall to ask if i was on BC so that i can make the job switch now to get paid more on mat leave because i'll be making more money o.O i couldn't believe she even thought i would do that now after knowing we've been trying for so long and had already had to go through the heartbreak of a MC. i of course politely told her that we weren't going to stop trying because i already make more than the cap for mat leave benefits so it doesn't matter how much more i make, i will still only get the maximum they give out. i'm still miffed about the comment and its been a few days already....
i feel like this whole TTC process and experience for me has left me quite jaded and feeling like there's a big part of my life that i'm not living and that i'm missing out on. i feel like i'll always be this woman that can't be happy for anyone that doesn't have issues getting and maintaining a pregnancy. maybe i will be able to do so again when i get to experience the joys of pregnancy instead of the heartbreak, but for now, i remain bitter, angry and jealous.... its not how i want to feel, but i'm being honest.
not so fond of mother's day now after what's happened this year. last year wasn't so bad because we'd only been trying for about 6-7 months so i wasn't at all sad that i wasn't pregnant yet. since we've been trying for so long now, i thought for sure we'd have a kid by now so i would get to celebrate mother's day or at the very least still be pregnant like i was supposed to be. that dream's been shattered and i'm not very confident that next mother's day will be any different...
women dealing with infertility, miscarriage, stillborn, or even have just been trying for a long time (like a year +) don't get the recognition that mother's of living babies get every year in may. it hurts. we're rarely thought of and are left to suffer in silence. only those that know about "infertility awareness month" in october even think of those dealing with it. otherwise, we're cast aside because it remains to be a bit of a taboo subject amoung society.
anyway, no one in my family was very supportive on mother's day. if anything, they didn't even acknowledge that i would even be struggling with it and made comments like "you're still a mom to your dog", but as anyone who has gone through a MC knows, that's a very hurtful comment. my aunt (who is alone, childless and 2 dogs that are her "kids") even had the gall to ask if i was on BC so that i can make the job switch now to get paid more on mat leave because i'll be making more money o.O i couldn't believe she even thought i would do that now after knowing we've been trying for so long and had already had to go through the heartbreak of a MC. i of course politely told her that we weren't going to stop trying because i already make more than the cap for mat leave benefits so it doesn't matter how much more i make, i will still only get the maximum they give out. i'm still miffed about the comment and its been a few days already....
i feel like this whole TTC process and experience for me has left me quite jaded and feeling like there's a big part of my life that i'm not living and that i'm missing out on. i feel like i'll always be this woman that can't be happy for anyone that doesn't have issues getting and maintaining a pregnancy. maybe i will be able to do so again when i get to experience the joys of pregnancy instead of the heartbreak, but for now, i remain bitter, angry and jealous.... its not how i want to feel, but i'm being honest.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
yet again, cycle timing isn't working in our favour...
(cycle 20)
yep, story of my life the last 2 cycles. something always prevents us from maintaining an every other day BD schedule. unfortunately, the usual culprit is low sex drive. not much we can do about that except to try again later or the next day. and even more unfortunately, it happens when its the most important BDing days.
this cycle, oddly enough, i only managed to catch my LH surge on an OPK because the tests when i thought for sure they should have been positive and given me a smiley on the digital test, it didn't, so i tested that evening and sure as shit, it was finally positive. even more oddly enough, it only lasted something like 12-18 hours unlike the first cycle i used the digi OPKs and had positives for two full days... last cycle, i was lucky enough to even catch my LH surge since i didn't start testing til cd12 to avoid potentially wasting tests if i had a delayed O again,and then i O'd on cd14. so due to the positive OPK from tuesday, i am marking today as O day. not super hopeful that this worked, but hey, last time i skipped temping and just used OPKs, i got pregnant. fingers crossed i'm lucky enough to have it happen again.
aside from the cycle i got pregnant and the first cycle after the MC, i can't help but wonder if my weight loss (which is 22.8lbs so far!) has had something to do with the fact that more often than not, my cycles are shorter and i O earlier than when i first started charting. its something to consider, but then i've had at least 2 cycles that i O'd on the later side of my normal (not incl. the first one after the MC where its common to have an extended cycle while your hormones level out) since dropping a few pounds that it kind of blows that theory out of the water. but my cycles are mostly, consistently on the shorter side my normal, so there is at least some stock in my theory... whatever the reason, it is kind of nice to not have to wait so long for O so it speeds up the process at least a little bit, not that i enjoy dealing with AF a little more often...
yep, story of my life the last 2 cycles. something always prevents us from maintaining an every other day BD schedule. unfortunately, the usual culprit is low sex drive. not much we can do about that except to try again later or the next day. and even more unfortunately, it happens when its the most important BDing days.
this cycle, oddly enough, i only managed to catch my LH surge on an OPK because the tests when i thought for sure they should have been positive and given me a smiley on the digital test, it didn't, so i tested that evening and sure as shit, it was finally positive. even more oddly enough, it only lasted something like 12-18 hours unlike the first cycle i used the digi OPKs and had positives for two full days... last cycle, i was lucky enough to even catch my LH surge since i didn't start testing til cd12 to avoid potentially wasting tests if i had a delayed O again,and then i O'd on cd14. so due to the positive OPK from tuesday, i am marking today as O day. not super hopeful that this worked, but hey, last time i skipped temping and just used OPKs, i got pregnant. fingers crossed i'm lucky enough to have it happen again.
aside from the cycle i got pregnant and the first cycle after the MC, i can't help but wonder if my weight loss (which is 22.8lbs so far!) has had something to do with the fact that more often than not, my cycles are shorter and i O earlier than when i first started charting. its something to consider, but then i've had at least 2 cycles that i O'd on the later side of my normal (not incl. the first one after the MC where its common to have an extended cycle while your hormones level out) since dropping a few pounds that it kind of blows that theory out of the water. but my cycles are mostly, consistently on the shorter side my normal, so there is at least some stock in my theory... whatever the reason, it is kind of nice to not have to wait so long for O so it speeds up the process at least a little bit, not that i enjoy dealing with AF a little more often...
Friday, May 4, 2012
and the Chaos begins...
(cycle 20)
first, and update on the TTC end:
yes, another cycle has passed me by... i was a hell of a lot more emotional than i expected i would be. i spent the better part of last week having crying fits feeling sorry for myself :'( i went to my weekly WW meeting, but couldnt stay for the actual meeting because i was on the verge of tears pretty much all that day. i was a mess. this week has been a bit better, but i still have many more moments than i expected i would have being sad about everything on the TTC/MC front. may 1st was the 3 month mark from the day i had my D&C... it was a rough day realizing that. i don't know if i will ever get passed this hurt.
now to what the title refers to:
DH got some demo done this week, he tore out parts of the fence we needed to get rid of to build the addition and put up a temporary fence to keep HayHay in the yard without tying her up to a rope. the only problem now is that she barks at just about every single thing thats in the 500+ft vacinity, including kids playing in the playground across the street now :-/ at least in about 2 months time there will be a wall up so she won't be able to see anything anymore, lol.
we're just waiting for our development permit to come in so that the building permit can be applied for. hopefully its in today so that the building permit can get done so we can actually dig the hole and get concrete poured when we plan on doing it. we booked the concrete for the end of the month, so fingers crossed we get it all back in time! i do not want to start the addition off with a delay...
ETA: our development permit was ready later this afternoon and the lady said that our building permit should be ready to go by end of next week!
i've also talked to the truss company and have looked into windows. just a couple changes for the windows and then those can be ordered. the trusses and joists will be ordered once we tear off the existing stucco and get accurate measurements. still waiting on the framing package pricing to come back to a contractor acquaintance (i think its been about 4 weeks and we're still waiting...) so hopefully that doesn't start another possible delay.
otherwise, i think things are moving along properly, but we won't really know until the time comes, which is freaking me out and shoving my anxiety right up there, lol.
first, and update on the TTC end:
yes, another cycle has passed me by... i was a hell of a lot more emotional than i expected i would be. i spent the better part of last week having crying fits feeling sorry for myself :'( i went to my weekly WW meeting, but couldnt stay for the actual meeting because i was on the verge of tears pretty much all that day. i was a mess. this week has been a bit better, but i still have many more moments than i expected i would have being sad about everything on the TTC/MC front. may 1st was the 3 month mark from the day i had my D&C... it was a rough day realizing that. i don't know if i will ever get passed this hurt.
now to what the title refers to:
DH got some demo done this week, he tore out parts of the fence we needed to get rid of to build the addition and put up a temporary fence to keep HayHay in the yard without tying her up to a rope. the only problem now is that she barks at just about every single thing thats in the 500+ft vacinity, including kids playing in the playground across the street now :-/ at least in about 2 months time there will be a wall up so she won't be able to see anything anymore, lol.
we're just waiting for our development permit to come in so that the building permit can be applied for. hopefully its in today so that the building permit can get done so we can actually dig the hole and get concrete poured when we plan on doing it. we booked the concrete for the end of the month, so fingers crossed we get it all back in time! i do not want to start the addition off with a delay...
ETA: our development permit was ready later this afternoon and the lady said that our building permit should be ready to go by end of next week!
i've also talked to the truss company and have looked into windows. just a couple changes for the windows and then those can be ordered. the trusses and joists will be ordered once we tear off the existing stucco and get accurate measurements. still waiting on the framing package pricing to come back to a contractor acquaintance (i think its been about 4 weeks and we're still waiting...) so hopefully that doesn't start another possible delay.
otherwise, i think things are moving along properly, but we won't really know until the time comes, which is freaking me out and shoving my anxiety right up there, lol.
Monday, April 23, 2012
almost at the point of no return!
today, i applied for the development and building permits. not really any turning back now!
and cue the anxiety attacks that i'm sure i will be experiencing through most of this til its done, lol.
Monday, April 16, 2012
cycle timing >:-(
(cycle 19, day 17, 3 dpo)
this cycle has been the most frustrating (well aside to the most emotional one last cycle). i didn't start doing my OPKs until cd12 so that if i was going to O as late as last cycle, i didn't run out of tests prematurely. well that was a bad idea since i got my positive on cd12 and by cd13 it was negative already. i had a feeling i should've tested on cd11 because my CM was actually showing fertile signs but decided against it because i usually can't base O off CM anyway. bad idea. i knew we needed to start BDing in case this was going to happen, but timing just didn't work out in our favour this cycle. so i'm hoping that with the wonky-ness of my temps and our BDing schedule results in something much less frustrating by this time next week... i O'd way on the side of early this cycle and is the second time i've O'd on cd14. i guess at least my EDD if this works can actually be based off my LMP instead of O day like last time. and now the excrutiating 2ww starts......
otherwise, i'm down a pound with WW so i'm headed in the right direction and am back to what i was pre-pregnancy now.
i've also been blowing through the very big course book at the fastest pace i've ever done since beginning on my quest to become a building inspector. all the courses up to this one have been around 400 pages and this one was double that. i made a plan at the beginning of this month to read 200 pages each weekend so that i can take the exam at the beginning of may and have this course done in a record 2 months. so far, i'm still on pace : ) at this rate (where i take a month off from any studying and then take a month to complete a course) i can get at least 4, possibly 5, courses done just this year alone! if i can knock that many out this year, i should be done all the required courses to get my level 1 by the middle of next year or sooner!!!
this cycle has been the most frustrating (well aside to the most emotional one last cycle). i didn't start doing my OPKs until cd12 so that if i was going to O as late as last cycle, i didn't run out of tests prematurely. well that was a bad idea since i got my positive on cd12 and by cd13 it was negative already. i had a feeling i should've tested on cd11 because my CM was actually showing fertile signs but decided against it because i usually can't base O off CM anyway. bad idea. i knew we needed to start BDing in case this was going to happen, but timing just didn't work out in our favour this cycle. so i'm hoping that with the wonky-ness of my temps and our BDing schedule results in something much less frustrating by this time next week... i O'd way on the side of early this cycle and is the second time i've O'd on cd14. i guess at least my EDD if this works can actually be based off my LMP instead of O day like last time. and now the excrutiating 2ww starts......
otherwise, i'm down a pound with WW so i'm headed in the right direction and am back to what i was pre-pregnancy now.
i've also been blowing through the very big course book at the fastest pace i've ever done since beginning on my quest to become a building inspector. all the courses up to this one have been around 400 pages and this one was double that. i made a plan at the beginning of this month to read 200 pages each weekend so that i can take the exam at the beginning of may and have this course done in a record 2 months. so far, i'm still on pace : ) at this rate (where i take a month off from any studying and then take a month to complete a course) i can get at least 4, possibly 5, courses done just this year alone! if i can knock that many out this year, i should be done all the required courses to get my level 1 by the middle of next year or sooner!!!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Prank Calls
(cycle 19, day 12)
well i'm another year older and i was actually dreading it up until the day of my bday. i was so focused on another birthday passing me by while i still don't have a baby in my arms, let alone even cooking in my tummy yet... I was actually quite upset most of last week and now that it has passed, its not so bad. i guess.
anyway, so yeah. i got prank called. in the early evening... when i was a kid, i swear we wouldn't make prank calls until at least 9, but then again, bedtime was much earlier when i was a kid so maybe it just felt really late... back to the point. yep, we got home from my hubby taking me out for a bday dinner and i checked the phone and thought the number looked a little familiar (i guess not) so i listened to the message that was left. i'm surprised i can still hear anything! first there was a lot of high pitch giggling, followed by "omg, your ass is so hot" followed by a LOT more high pitched giggling and laughing. i deleted it, but i should've recorded it somehow just so i could post it and get a laugh out of it : P
well i'm another year older and i was actually dreading it up until the day of my bday. i was so focused on another birthday passing me by while i still don't have a baby in my arms, let alone even cooking in my tummy yet... I was actually quite upset most of last week and now that it has passed, its not so bad. i guess.
anyway, so yeah. i got prank called. in the early evening... when i was a kid, i swear we wouldn't make prank calls until at least 9, but then again, bedtime was much earlier when i was a kid so maybe it just felt really late... back to the point. yep, we got home from my hubby taking me out for a bday dinner and i checked the phone and thought the number looked a little familiar (i guess not) so i listened to the message that was left. i'm surprised i can still hear anything! first there was a lot of high pitch giggling, followed by "omg, your ass is so hot" followed by a LOT more high pitched giggling and laughing. i deleted it, but i should've recorded it somehow just so i could post it and get a laugh out of it : P
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Back to Weight Watcher's
(cycle 19, day 5)
yep, back to WW for me. been trying to do it on my own for the last 2 months, but i haven't been very disciplined. the first month i decided that i was just going to do what i wanted and let my emotions settle down fromt he MC. the second month i wasn't doing too bad but still had a quite a few 'cheat' days so i didn't really lose much, mostly just maintained.
so tonight i'm going back to the meetings to hopefully lose the last 5-10 lbs i wanted to lose in the first place. i won't be heartbroken if i don't do that before getting pregnant again, but since i haven't been able to lose weight i figured it was best to go back.
on another weight loss note, since losing 20 of the 30 pounds i gained in the first year of marriage (i know, i'm not happy about that fact either) i now fit back into all my summer shorts that didn't fit me at all last summer :-) it felt so good when i pulled them all out to try on and decide if i needed new ones this year as well. turns out i don't! and the 2 pair i bought last summer just so i had something other than pants and dresses to wear all summer, are super baggy, lol. and if i happen to get pregnant and gain a bit of a belly over the summer, my shorts are either just big enough to still fit a couple more months, or i would just have to wear the bella band i bought last time too keep them up but not buttoned. yay! a win for me with all the other crap that has been going on for me lately!!!
yep, back to WW for me. been trying to do it on my own for the last 2 months, but i haven't been very disciplined. the first month i decided that i was just going to do what i wanted and let my emotions settle down fromt he MC. the second month i wasn't doing too bad but still had a quite a few 'cheat' days so i didn't really lose much, mostly just maintained.
so tonight i'm going back to the meetings to hopefully lose the last 5-10 lbs i wanted to lose in the first place. i won't be heartbroken if i don't do that before getting pregnant again, but since i haven't been able to lose weight i figured it was best to go back.
on another weight loss note, since losing 20 of the 30 pounds i gained in the first year of marriage (i know, i'm not happy about that fact either) i now fit back into all my summer shorts that didn't fit me at all last summer :-) it felt so good when i pulled them all out to try on and decide if i needed new ones this year as well. turns out i don't! and the 2 pair i bought last summer just so i had something other than pants and dresses to wear all summer, are super baggy, lol. and if i happen to get pregnant and gain a bit of a belly over the summer, my shorts are either just big enough to still fit a couple more months, or i would just have to wear the bella band i bought last time too keep them up but not buttoned. yay! a win for me with all the other crap that has been going on for me lately!!!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Pinterest, lol
since last fall, i've done quite a few projects from this glorious site :-P
first, there was the hand towel holder for the kitchen. i actually made 3 different sets and gave one to my mom and another to my sister as gifts.
then, there was the toilet paper holder for the upstairs bathroom. it was kind of a pain because our spare rolls are in the linen closet which is in the hallway so you had to make sure you had enough of a roll left so you wouldn't run out...
i actually can't believe how busy i was just before christmas with my projects, haha.
we finally have a tree topper since the one i bought for my flimsy tree was too heavy so i haven't had a topper for the previous 5 christmases :-/ til i saw this gem on pinterest.
last project for the holidays was a flat iron cover for my sister since the one that came with hers wasn't insulated. this one created quite a bit more work than i anticipated since the pot holder i used was far too thick to fit in my sewing machine once it was folder over... so i had to do some project 'surgery' and take out about half the insulating material so that it would fit into the sewing machine. i'm really happy with the result and if it hadn't have been so much work, i'd make myself one, lol. maybe when i have a bit more time on my hands and see a need for one since the cover for mine is insulated already.
i took a bit of a break from these projects after the holidays to focus on my studying so that i could get the course done and then the pregnancy happened and everything that went one with that.
when i started up with projects again, i did 3 of them.
the first was a piggy bank type thing with a picture of what i want to save my money for inside of a shadow box with a hole at the top to drop money in. can't wait to buy a new zoom lense for the camera!
i also made a padded strap cover for the camera. it really makes the camera feel like its personalized for me since i picked out the fabric.
i have at least two other projects i've done but i don't actually have pictures of them so when i do eventually get pics of them, i'll make a new post : )
then, there was the toilet paper holder for the upstairs bathroom. it was kind of a pain because our spare rolls are in the linen closet which is in the hallway so you had to make sure you had enough of a roll left so you wouldn't run out...i actually can't believe how busy i was just before christmas with my projects, haha.
i took a bit of a break from these projects after the holidays to focus on my studying so that i could get the course done and then the pregnancy happened and everything that went one with that.
when i started up with projects again, i did 3 of them.
i have at least two other projects i've done but i don't actually have pictures of them so when i do eventually get pics of them, i'll make a new post : )
Saturday, March 31, 2012
>:-( Grrr....
(cycle 19, day 1)
AF showed up... a day freaking early! and she wasn't nice about it either. when i woke up this morning, my temp was basically the same as yesterday. then i had more spotting and then the backache started... tried to sleep in this morning, but i just couldn't sleep very long due to the painful cramps and said backache.
onto cycle 19... i hate TTC!
AF showed up... a day freaking early! and she wasn't nice about it either. when i woke up this morning, my temp was basically the same as yesterday. then i had more spotting and then the backache started... tried to sleep in this morning, but i just couldn't sleep very long due to the painful cramps and said backache.
onto cycle 19... i hate TTC!
Friday, March 30, 2012
feeling quite defeated :'(
(cycle 18, day 29, 11dpo)
yeah, so i'm in a shitty mood today. i don't know why i expected it to be so easy for us the first cycle trying after the miscarriage. my chart was looking picture perfect and then today it nosedived (which it still looks picture perfect, its just very unlikely that this cycle worked based on the timing of the nosedive). this cycle has been harder on me than i ever expected it to be. i thought i'd be taking care of a baby by now, planning their first birthday... not still trying to make that baby. we had it briefly, but then had to start at square one again. this sucks and i can't even begin to explain how horrible i feel right now. i know its rediculous to feel this way after only one cycle, but TTC has taken up a year and a half of my life at this point. we haven't let it run our lives and put things on hold to make it happen, but when i think of everything we've done in those 18 months, it kills me that i can't add 'started our family' to that damn list. i'm barely holding it together today. first i was angry during my fertile time because i had to actually try again, and now its sadness mixed with some anger that it didn't work. i hope it gets easier because i don't think myself or my dh could handle these emotions for even one more cycle. i'm not sure if i want to continue temping next cycle since i know that the digi OPKs give me plenty of O notice, but it would be nice to know its a consistent thing each cycle. maybe i'll just temp starting cd7 until O is confirmed and then abandon it so that i don't get stressed out like i am now to hopefully avoid these feelings from overtaking me again. at least we can definately go on vacation next fall without being too pregnant (if i am at all) to even enjoy it or being a flight risk... guess i'll start looking forward to what's to come the next 6+ months and try to focus on things other than TTC so that maybe taking my mind off it will result in a baby. i have lots of things to help with that: courses, sewing projects, the addition, going back to WW, spring cleaning, planning vacation... i just hope its enough to keep my mind occupied. :-/
yeah, so i'm in a shitty mood today. i don't know why i expected it to be so easy for us the first cycle trying after the miscarriage. my chart was looking picture perfect and then today it nosedived (which it still looks picture perfect, its just very unlikely that this cycle worked based on the timing of the nosedive). this cycle has been harder on me than i ever expected it to be. i thought i'd be taking care of a baby by now, planning their first birthday... not still trying to make that baby. we had it briefly, but then had to start at square one again. this sucks and i can't even begin to explain how horrible i feel right now. i know its rediculous to feel this way after only one cycle, but TTC has taken up a year and a half of my life at this point. we haven't let it run our lives and put things on hold to make it happen, but when i think of everything we've done in those 18 months, it kills me that i can't add 'started our family' to that damn list. i'm barely holding it together today. first i was angry during my fertile time because i had to actually try again, and now its sadness mixed with some anger that it didn't work. i hope it gets easier because i don't think myself or my dh could handle these emotions for even one more cycle. i'm not sure if i want to continue temping next cycle since i know that the digi OPKs give me plenty of O notice, but it would be nice to know its a consistent thing each cycle. maybe i'll just temp starting cd7 until O is confirmed and then abandon it so that i don't get stressed out like i am now to hopefully avoid these feelings from overtaking me again. at least we can definately go on vacation next fall without being too pregnant (if i am at all) to even enjoy it or being a flight risk... guess i'll start looking forward to what's to come the next 6+ months and try to focus on things other than TTC so that maybe taking my mind off it will result in a baby. i have lots of things to help with that: courses, sewing projects, the addition, going back to WW, spring cleaning, planning vacation... i just hope its enough to keep my mind occupied. :-/
Monday, March 26, 2012
Things Not to Say to Someone Who's Gone Throuh a MC...
"i bet you will get pregnant again soon. everything happens for a reason" - not what i wanted to hear the day i started miscarrying but it wasn't confirmed that i was until the next day. courtesy of my SIL.
"i almost wanted to wait a bit longer for my hysterectomy in case you needed mine" - seriously? WTF would you even say that??? i was pissed beyond belief when my mom said that to me!!! just because i MCd doesn't mean i might need someone else's damn uterus! and if anything, i'd ask my sister long before i asked my mom! gah!!!
"i almost wanted to wait a bit longer for my hysterectomy in case you needed mine" - seriously? WTF would you even say that??? i was pissed beyond belief when my mom said that to me!!! just because i MCd doesn't mean i might need someone else's damn uterus! and if anything, i'd ask my sister long before i asked my mom! gah!!!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Back in the 2WW!
(cycle 18, day 21, 3 dpo)
yep, i finally ovulated! seemed like it took forever since i had a + OPK on friday and didn't O til monday... the digi OPKs must pick up on the hormones/surge sooner than the cheapies since O usually occured the next day with those. i'll be testing at the end of next week, but i'm also scared shitless about testing, almost terrified. i don't want to see a stark white test after all we've been through to get to this point and then have AF show up just a couple days later. i want our baby so badly that it scares me to not be successful even though its our first cycle post MC that effort was put in. i'm also scared of actually getting another BFP even though i will monitored much more closely this time around due to the MC. this fear didn't start creeping in until after the anger i had towards trying again subsided and now its all i can think off. just last week i was bitter about this process and now i'm afraid of it.
the up-side to getting a BFP is that the gyno at the hospital wants me in right away for blood work to check my HCG levels and i'm guessing progestrone levels as well. he also wants me in for an US between weeks 4-6 to make sure something is growing in there, and growing properly. i was going to ask my own doc to send me for all this anyway, but its a comfort that the gyno wants it done as well. but it still doesn't make that fear go away at this point...
yep, i finally ovulated! seemed like it took forever since i had a + OPK on friday and didn't O til monday... the digi OPKs must pick up on the hormones/surge sooner than the cheapies since O usually occured the next day with those. i'll be testing at the end of next week, but i'm also scared shitless about testing, almost terrified. i don't want to see a stark white test after all we've been through to get to this point and then have AF show up just a couple days later. i want our baby so badly that it scares me to not be successful even though its our first cycle post MC that effort was put in. i'm also scared of actually getting another BFP even though i will monitored much more closely this time around due to the MC. this fear didn't start creeping in until after the anger i had towards trying again subsided and now its all i can think off. just last week i was bitter about this process and now i'm afraid of it.
the up-side to getting a BFP is that the gyno at the hospital wants me in right away for blood work to check my HCG levels and i'm guessing progestrone levels as well. he also wants me in for an US between weeks 4-6 to make sure something is growing in there, and growing properly. i was going to ask my own doc to send me for all this anyway, but its a comfort that the gyno wants it done as well. but it still doesn't make that fear go away at this point...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
New Brunswick!
i know i haven't posted about the family reunion yet because after we got back i still hadn't posted about mexico, lol. so i thought i'd get this updated : )
new brunswick was probably one of the easiest flights we've had in our travels so far. thank goodness for hamilton airport being so small and only stopping to switch passengers! hubby wasn't nearly as cranky since he had time to go out for a smoke break and come back through security, grab a coffee and board the plane. i was a little worried on the flight back, but he still made it through.
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when we got there, his aunt picked us up and drove us the 2 hours back to her place. i was a little, okay a lot, nervous to meet the rest of his family because i had been pre-warned that they were all like his dad and uncle.... and they were! i was a little bombarded with how many ppl i met when we first got there and by the time everyone had shown up, there were 22 ppl o.O we visited for a bit and was introduced to everyone, then we set up out tent and got situated so we weren't doing it in the dark.
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we did pretty much the same thing each day: wake up, have breakfast, wait your turn for the bathroom, figure out who's doing what, have lunch, do what was figured out, get supper going and eat, hang out in the garage until everyone had gone to bed. it wasn't too bad, but i would have rathered rented a car so we weren't house bound unless someone else brought us with them somewhere. i learned after about the 2nd day that if you get up earlier, you actually get breakfast made by one of the uncles and get coffee as opposed to having to make toast and there not be any coffee left since it was all drinken by the early risers. by the end of the week, it was wake up early, get breakfast and some coffee then go back to bed for a morning nap so i can stay awake all day and not crash by 8pm, lol. a couple afternoons were spent at a warf for swimming, visiting or whatever. its probably where we got most of the pictures that were even taken on that trip.
the first morning we were there was actually our first anniversary so DH bought me some flowers and junk food. it was nice that he still did something on our actual anniversary, but we had already celebrated it back home before leaving.
the second night we were there a running joke started by putting a "for sale sign" on random things. the first night it was his uncles trailer, and then DH put it up on his wall and his friends would bid on it and so would family that was at the reunion. it was actually quite funny and the end of the night was spent coming up with what to "sell" next. the second night it was one of his other uncles's truck that DH has done some work to so the caption had something about the wear and tear on the tuck and how its "intermittently maintained"... the last night was his uncle when for some reason he was up and walking around at 10pm which for his was unheard of and another bit of a running joke about how early he goes to bed. he was labelled "antique watchclock", ha!
other things that happened while we were there:
-i ate quite a bit of seafood and loved it! still leary on mussels, but fish, yum.
-like father, like son...
-some kids are crazy (one of his cousins kids threw a massive tantrum then passed out on the floor beside her bed she was so tired)
-i kinda miss camping as long as i have the ammenities of home ie. shower, running water....
-there's a support group for those of us married into the family
-they have a reunion about once every 5 years
-realised i looked like crap and needed to lose weight (which spurred me to join WW!)
new brunswick was probably one of the easiest flights we've had in our travels so far. thank goodness for hamilton airport being so small and only stopping to switch passengers! hubby wasn't nearly as cranky since he had time to go out for a smoke break and come back through security, grab a coffee and board the plane. i was a little worried on the flight back, but he still made it through.
.jpg)
when we got there, his aunt picked us up and drove us the 2 hours back to her place. i was a little, okay a lot, nervous to meet the rest of his family because i had been pre-warned that they were all like his dad and uncle.... and they were! i was a little bombarded with how many ppl i met when we first got there and by the time everyone had shown up, there were 22 ppl o.O we visited for a bit and was introduced to everyone, then we set up out tent and got situated so we weren't doing it in the dark. .JPG)
the first morning we were there was actually our first anniversary so DH bought me some flowers and junk food. it was nice that he still did something on our actual anniversary, but we had already celebrated it back home before leaving.
the second night we were there a running joke started by putting a "for sale sign" on random things. the first night it was his uncles trailer, and then DH put it up on his wall and his friends would bid on it and so would family that was at the reunion. it was actually quite funny and the end of the night was spent coming up with what to "sell" next. the second night it was one of his other uncles's truck that DH has done some work to so the caption had something about the wear and tear on the tuck and how its "intermittently maintained"... the last night was his uncle when for some reason he was up and walking around at 10pm which for his was unheard of and another bit of a running joke about how early he goes to bed. he was labelled "antique watchclock", ha!
other things that happened while we were there:
-i ate quite a bit of seafood and loved it! still leary on mussels, but fish, yum.
-like father, like son...
-some kids are crazy (one of his cousins kids threw a massive tantrum then passed out on the floor beside her bed she was so tired)
-i kinda miss camping as long as i have the ammenities of home ie. shower, running water....
-there's a support group for those of us married into the family
-they have a reunion about once every 5 years
-realised i looked like crap and needed to lose weight (which spurred me to join WW!)
Friday, March 16, 2012
waiting waiting waiting...
(cycle 18, day 15)
it feels like i'm perpetually waiting and i'm sure i've posted about this before. waiting for AF to leave, waiting for O to happen, waiting to POAS, waiting for AF, then it starts all over again if you aren't pregnant. its pure torture!
currently i'm waiting to O. actually, i'm waiting for a + OPK so that i know when O will happen and we've done all we could til the next cycle.
lately, i've been feeling pretty angry about this whole trying again thing. i just keep thinking that i shouldn't have to be doing this. i should be enjoying the beginning of the second trimester, looking forward to our first ultrasound, buying stuff for a baby, decorating a nursery... instead i'm back at square freaking one! this feeling hit on monday when i was getting anxious about BDing because i knew we needed to start so we could have an army of sperm built up but i felt like it might not happen. i suddenly felt pissed off. something i hadn't felt before since the MC. i've been sad that i don't get to do all those things, but this week it was actually anger. i hope that feeling doesn't stick around for too long, its not something i like to feel...
ETA: i started this post yesterday and continued it this morning. didn't finish writing it til later in the afternoon after i got my first positive OPK on the digital!!! O should be tomoro or sunday so by monday i will for sure be in the 2ww :D
it feels like i'm perpetually waiting and i'm sure i've posted about this before. waiting for AF to leave, waiting for O to happen, waiting to POAS, waiting for AF, then it starts all over again if you aren't pregnant. its pure torture!
currently i'm waiting to O. actually, i'm waiting for a + OPK so that i know when O will happen and we've done all we could til the next cycle.
lately, i've been feeling pretty angry about this whole trying again thing. i just keep thinking that i shouldn't have to be doing this. i should be enjoying the beginning of the second trimester, looking forward to our first ultrasound, buying stuff for a baby, decorating a nursery... instead i'm back at square freaking one! this feeling hit on monday when i was getting anxious about BDing because i knew we needed to start so we could have an army of sperm built up but i felt like it might not happen. i suddenly felt pissed off. something i hadn't felt before since the MC. i've been sad that i don't get to do all those things, but this week it was actually anger. i hope that feeling doesn't stick around for too long, its not something i like to feel...
ETA: i started this post yesterday and continued it this morning. didn't finish writing it til later in the afternoon after i got my first positive OPK on the digital!!! O should be tomoro or sunday so by monday i will for sure be in the 2ww :D
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