letting the news out slowly!

(10w 0d)

I feel like I can't really post as often as I want to because i'm afraid of turning into a broken record with the pregnancy... not to mention those still TTC... guess i'll have to let be what will be and post whatever I want to, even if I posted something very similar only a few days to a week beforehand.

10w belly pic!

anyway, Friday can't come soon enough! I just want to hear that dang heartbeat instead of seeing it  : )  i'm still worried about the chances of it being just a little to early to hear and we'll have to wait a month to have another chance at hearing it. not trying to be negative, but I know i'm basically on that cusp of when you'd be hearing it on a Doppler.

we finally told my mom this past weekend. I wanted to tell her, but then I didn't want to tell her because I know she likes to allude to things on FB and we didn't want to risk having the news slip out before getting to tell other family members before they find out over FB (something that at this point DH's dad might end up finding out that way if they keep staying out all hours of the day when DH is trying to call them! haha). at least this time she's only got 2.5 weeks to keep it under wraps unlike the 6 she had last time  ; )  we walked into her front door after going out for dinner and DH made mention of his food baby and then I stuck my belly out and said "me too". she looked at me suspiciously and said she didn't want to make assumptions but we let her know she could this time. she cried. happy tears of course, but I expected it from her. I know DH's mom will do the same thing when he tells her. She's pretty excited, not that I didn't think she wouldn't be... of course the happy mood was kinda trashed when she just had to make sure that my dad didn't know yet. he knew 3 weeks ago, but we didn't tell her that, I didn't feel like causing WWIII with that bit of info.

I debated telling my sister, but haven't yet because we're just not that close anymore. I might this weekend, depends. I was going to tell her when they came to pick up their old car that's been parked outside the house for 2 weeks, but they came earlier in the day so I didn't even see her. her loss I guess. guess she doesn't want to see me as much as I don't want to see her...

DH and my shirts and one for the baby
(all bout the last time I was preg... but
we finally get to use them!)

i'm leaving the rest of the family for when I go out to the cabin next week. I didn't want to do it without DH, but I kind of have to since there's a lot of stuff I won't be able to do this year so i'm gonna have to explain myself  : P  i'll wear my announcement t-shirt and wait for someone to get it, which I don't think will be long since my cousin who is driving out with me will obviously know by the time we get there, lol. I'll bring DH's for him so he can wear it when he gets there. i'm hoping we can get a pic of us in our shirts with hayhay in her shirt this weekend so we can use it to announce on FB shortly after getting back from the cabin.

HayHay's shirt was a bit of work since it was a little small (why are dog sizes always so misleading?). I think I did a damn good job fixing it up  : )  the sleeves didn't have enough room between them so that was making the shirt tight and the bottom hem was too tight. so I took an old shirt and completely overhauled it. I kept the original neckline and was going to keep the sleeves (just moved) but every time I put it on her with the sleeves, she gave me the death look and would be all pathetic and not move, like as though the sleeves completely stunted her movement, lol. its actually really funny to see. I ended up not using the sleeves at all and other than first minute of having it on, she's completely fine and doesn't act all weird when its on her. so yay for me being able to sew! she's SO CUTE in it!!!

Color Me Rad 5k

yeah, so I did the race. it wasn't as much fun as I was expecting... everyone in the pics always looks like they're having a blast. they must not be runners who like to run competitively (not that I do a lot of races, but after the spring run off back in april, this was completely different) because it is not at all meant for those types of ppl, unless you manage to get one of the very first waves. it was beyond frustrating to have to weave around so many ppl, ppl with strollers, ppl stopping in front of you, ppl not moving to the side (like advised at the start) to allow for runners to easily go around them. ANNOYING!!! I definitely won't be doing it again. I've now learned the difference between races organized by ppl who enjoy the sport and ppl who just want the money out of it. i'm glad I went for the experience, but i'll stick to better organized races from now on.


after taking off my shoes...
I could feel the powder
between my toes, lol

I had the added stress of trying to keep my pregnancy under wraps... it wasn't exactly easy wearing clingy running clothes plus not having run much lately because of how busy we've been with the house. I needed to take a lot more breaks than I normally would, but I absolutely didn't want to overdo it so early on, but I couldn't say that to her... it was fine though, I just complained a lot of being out of shape  ; )

first bump comparison!

(9w 0d)

a week behind... lol

the belly is definitely starting to call attention to itself... its getting much harder to hide, but thankfully, there haven't been a lot of family gatherings other than my sister's wedding for anyone to really start wondering about it  : )

I've debated telling family, but DH still wants to wait til the first tri is over (just under a month left). i'm hoping if we get to hear a HB very soon, he'll ease up and feel more comfortable with telling family. my dad is still the only family member who knows because DH hasn't been able to get a hold of his dad since we were able to see the HB on the US...

i'm not nearly as nervous about getting through the first tri as I thought I would be  : )  in fact, i'm finding it hard to contain my excitement, lol. once I saw that heart flicker, my fears just kind of melted away. I know we're not out of the woods yet as its happened to a few friends who saw HBs, but I honestly never thought we'd get as far as we are. We're now more than 2 weeks beyond where we got last time!

The bloating has been insane and only getting worse as time goes on (see picture at top for evidence  ; ) ), my boobs are still sore and getting bigger, I have random moments of slight nausea that only seem to last about 5 mins at a time and are easy to handle, i'm hungry all.the.time., and a couple food aversions (other than eggs) have just started. very encouraging since I didn't have much of any of those last time.

tonight, i'm going to start taking bump pics with the good camera  : )  and i'm going to take them in the future nursery so you can not only see the bump progression, but also the room progression since there's only studs on the wall I want to take them on. fitting since the house is still under construction, lol. it probably won't be every week with that camera, i'll just start with every 3 weeks til we get to 20, then go every other week unless there's a big change to report.

SO EXCITED!!!

baby and a heartbeat!!!

(8w 2d)

taking a week off work = falling behind on the blogging.... oops!
anyway, i'm gonna try to write a couple posts this week to get up to date instead of one incredibly long post that turns into a novel. so pretend this is from last week...

 

 

we got much better news this time! my bladder wanted to explode and I kept cursing the fact that you typically don't see anything on an abdominal US and have to use the transvaginal wand that early in pregnancy, but they must have a really good machine when there's something actually in there growing and beating away  : )  I was encouraged since I was a few days further along than last time, but the tech said she had much better news for us this time and went to get the DH so she could show us. when he came in, she moved the screen so we could see it. I instantly saw the sac and when she zoomed in, I could see our little baby in it! a huge improvement. when she zoomed in further, she pointed out the flicker that was the heart, something i wasn't sure i'd ever get to see  :')  words can't even describe that moment, I cried, lol.

 

DH is still apprehensive since we're still in the first trimester, but I let him know that once you see a heartbeat, the chances of something going south drop significantly from the 25% before seeing/hearing a HB. so now we're waiting for the next apt when we hopefully get to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler at the docs office, which i'll be 10w3d. i'm thinking of asking SIL if she still has hers to maybe try to pick up the HB before that apt so that DH doesn't have to sit through it. either way, a huge weight has been lifted. the only one left now is keeping it a secret til we tell family, lol.

Stress and Milestones

(6w 6d)

last week was a pretty shitty and stressful week. we had to say goodbye to a friend taken far too soon. her dh was on the fire dept with dh so she's also been a part of the "family" for just as long as he has. she was in a car accident Tuesday morning (after a long weekend) on her way to work. it was quite sudden and obviously unexpected. its hit everyone on the dept pretty hard, especially the ones who were attending the scene as firemen. the funeral was Saturday and I don't think there was a single dry eye in the place. its been rough. it hasn't helped since my anxiety was already on the not so good side due to just being pregnant, but that really sent it into overdrive. its gotten better since the funeral, but I still have bad bouts of it.


on to happier things, we've now started passing milestones from the last pregnancy  : )  yesterday would have been when I started spotting and today was the day we sat in the ER all day. tomoro is the day I had the D&C... so far, no spotting whatsoever and the symptoms are much better than last time. same symptoms as last week, boobs, bloat, fatigue, etc. all very encouraging since I didn't experience much of anything last time other than bloating and a couple bouts of morning sickness. so we're getting hopeful we'll see something on Wednesday. only 2 more days!!!

Follow up on my thoughts

(6w 0d)

I know in my last post, I made some comments that may have seemed like they were coming out of left field for someone who claims to have been wanting a child for like, ever and someone who's been TTC for nearly 3 years. I'd like to follow up that post  : )  this might get long....

the shock is still there that this happened. i'm not sure if that will go away until it feels more real and like this is our THB instead of a fleeting thought and a hope that this will be it, but then tragedy strikes and we suffer another MC. in the last few days, I've actually grown more hopeful that we'll actually see a little heart beating away next week (next week?!?! holy hell, that came fast!). so far the only similarities between last pregnancy and this one are the implantation cramps, the insane bloating, and the inability to eat eggs without feeling like my stomach is trying to kill me. my boobs have grown this time and have other physical changes, they also hurt, like more than I've ever experienced with pre-AF tenderness. I had fairly constant cramping for about a week and a half, baby burrowing in nice and deep, whereas I think I only cramped for a day or two when something tried to implant and then when it detached and began the MC. I also haven't had any spotting yet which I had experienced some about a week before the MC, so I've surpassed that already (knock on wood!). this time next week, we'll have made it further than last time. I started the spotting that lead to the MC at 6w5d, so I've got 5 more days and then we're into uncharted territory. which is scary, but exciting all the same because its a good thing. so these things are encouraging to me and making me begin to believe that this might actually work out.

the reason for such shock? after about cycle 30 with nothing to really hint at the idea that we'd be able to conceive naturally, I had basically given up. I still wanted a baby, badly, but I had given up the idea that it would be something that would maybe happen in the near-ish future. perpetually ttc meant we were still living a life kid-free, vacationing twice a year, random nights out, a pick up and go somewhere kinda life. hoping to add a kid to the mix, but with it never happening, it just became the norm, our way of life, no kids. I got used to it after so long, especially in the last couple months since TTC wasn't really front and center because we were on a break and then NTNP/kinda TTC, so I just really got comfortable with the status quo. I guess it was also because I was faced with the real possibility that we'd have to do the fertility testing (something I really started to believe would be happening) and the idea that there might be something really wrong with one or both of us, or having to do multiple rounds of IVF and then going broke before having it work out. it was becoming a bit of a reality that there was that possibility that we might not get to have kids, so I felt like I needed to make peace with it before I was faced with that. so I guess that's where those thoughts of not wanting to give up my kid-free life came in. I still incredible guilt that I even felt that way  : (

now that I'm getting more comfortable with the idea that this one might actually get a chance to become a living, breathing baby, I don't feel so worried about our life changing so much. we've also been able to do a lot of random dinners out lately (mostly cuz after working on the house all day, the last thing I want to do is make supper  : P ) so I don't feel like we're not getting a chance to do that before a baby comes into play and missing out on those random nights out. I even told dh that I was glad we were going out so much (as much as the bank account probably isn't happy about it) while we have the time and ability to just go. we're enjoying the hell out of our kid-free life right now (well as much as we can when we still have a lot of work to do on the house) because we both know big changes are on the horizon. I'm grateful we're getting this chance to be just the 2 of us and we're taking the time to make sure we do it before a kid makes it a bit more difficult for a few years. our relationship has actually never been better than it is right now. all those feelings or worry and not wanting to give the kid-free life up, have completely melted away in the last week  : )  we're now fully looking forward to life with kids!