(cycle 49, day 18, 3 dpo)
ff doesn't like me this cycle. I had a higher temp Friday morning (of course when it was adjusted. the actual temp was pretty low, but add 3 hours to it and it was a normal post O temp) so I'm pretty sure Thursday was O day. but my temp on sunday morning was a touch on the low side for LP temps so FF is thinking I Od on cd13 because that's when my temp was still low. after waking up today, it was back to normal LP temps, so I discarded yesterdays and as long as tomoro's temp is at least slightly over the high pre-O temps, i'll get solid crosshairs for cd15 instead of the dotted ones on cd13.
I'm still worried about our test results. I am worried about being told that our chances are incredibly slim and that its not really worth trying on our own. I'm also worried about everything checking out fine and still not knowing wtf is wrong with us and why we either lose babies or just don't make them in the first place.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
2 cycles of normal?
(cycle 49, day 15)
this cycle so far is going as well as last cycle. still on the same timeline so at least the clomid is regulating things, its just too bad this is the last cycle I'm able to use it. maybe it'll kickstart my body into being regular again instead of varying by up to a week cycle to cycle.
my CM hasn't been much to go off of, but it hasn't been for about 8+ cycles now, so its nothing new. my temps have been a bit weird this cycle, its the same every two days, Monday and Tuesday it was 36.12 and Wednesday and Thursday it was 36.51. the higher temp was enough to make me wonder if I Od and just didn't get a positive opk, but then last night I got my positive. I didn't have my usual fade pattern either, it was fairly light and even got lighter on cd13, which also led to my wondering if I Od and didn't pick up on it, and then was a fraction of a shade darker than the previous tests on cd14 at lunch. knowing last cycle I Od on cd16, I tested again in the evening of cd14 (yesterday) to see if it was going to get darker and to my surprise, it was positive. today, I'm not sure if it was positive or just about positive, i'll have to look after work. so that means today or tomoro will be O day and it might be a little difficult for me to confirm exactly which day as tomoro's temp will be taken 2 hours early and I won't be temping Saturday. but i'll know it was one of two days, which is better than not knowing at all like the first 2 months after xmas. I feel like today might be it cuz I've had some weird feelings in my stomach, but i'll know for sure tomoro probably depending on the adjusted temp.
all of this might for nothing. I have an appointment with my doc on October 8th to go over our test results so we're not waiting 4-6 months when we see the RE to find out. I'm hoping there's something in our testing that can explain why its taking so long or possibly why the previous pregnancies were lost far too early. something so we aren't an unexplained case. maybe it will be something simple that she can help us with until we get to the RE, that would be the ideal situation. if its not, then that seals the deal for us that we'll take an extended break from ttc until we get to the RE since a pregnancy is unlikely on our own. tbh, I'd kind of welcome an extended break. if there isn't anything of interest in our results, then I guess we just continue ttc like we have been. *sigh*
its only been 4 years now, but who's counting?
this cycle so far is going as well as last cycle. still on the same timeline so at least the clomid is regulating things, its just too bad this is the last cycle I'm able to use it. maybe it'll kickstart my body into being regular again instead of varying by up to a week cycle to cycle.
my CM hasn't been much to go off of, but it hasn't been for about 8+ cycles now, so its nothing new. my temps have been a bit weird this cycle, its the same every two days, Monday and Tuesday it was 36.12 and Wednesday and Thursday it was 36.51. the higher temp was enough to make me wonder if I Od and just didn't get a positive opk, but then last night I got my positive. I didn't have my usual fade pattern either, it was fairly light and even got lighter on cd13, which also led to my wondering if I Od and didn't pick up on it, and then was a fraction of a shade darker than the previous tests on cd14 at lunch. knowing last cycle I Od on cd16, I tested again in the evening of cd14 (yesterday) to see if it was going to get darker and to my surprise, it was positive. today, I'm not sure if it was positive or just about positive, i'll have to look after work. so that means today or tomoro will be O day and it might be a little difficult for me to confirm exactly which day as tomoro's temp will be taken 2 hours early and I won't be temping Saturday. but i'll know it was one of two days, which is better than not knowing at all like the first 2 months after xmas. I feel like today might be it cuz I've had some weird feelings in my stomach, but i'll know for sure tomoro probably depending on the adjusted temp.
all of this might for nothing. I have an appointment with my doc on October 8th to go over our test results so we're not waiting 4-6 months when we see the RE to find out. I'm hoping there's something in our testing that can explain why its taking so long or possibly why the previous pregnancies were lost far too early. something so we aren't an unexplained case. maybe it will be something simple that she can help us with until we get to the RE, that would be the ideal situation. if its not, then that seals the deal for us that we'll take an extended break from ttc until we get to the RE since a pregnancy is unlikely on our own. tbh, I'd kind of welcome an extended break. if there isn't anything of interest in our results, then I guess we just continue ttc like we have been. *sigh*
its only been 4 years now, but who's counting?
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Referral going in!
(cycle 49, day 8)
I finished my last round of clomid last night. I'm hoping this one is our lucky one. I'm just over this whole making an effort month in and month out so it would be nice to cut this down instead of having the long wait ahead of us til we see the RE.
DH finally did his SA yesterday and didn't make a big deal about it all (outside of the whining he did about taking time off work to drive into the city), which I was a little surprised about, but I think its because he's ready for answers too. but now that that's done, I can call the clinic to get our referral going so we can actually get our appointment with the RE! finally moving forward after waiting 2 months to get all our testing done.
I'm also hoping we'll be one of those couples who get jinxed when going through testing just to end up pregnant before ever meeting an RE... it would be a welcome surprise and worth every inconvenience. a girl can dream, but I'm also realistic and fully expecting to have to keep an appointment with the RE and get to see them before this is over. even if I did get pregnant, I'd request that our appointment with the RE not be cancelled until we get past the first trimester. I don't want to cancel the appointment due to a pregnancy, just to MC once again and have to go through the waiting process again to get an appointment. I don't think we'd have to go through the year of TTC again before getting referred or have to do the testing all over again. I wish this wasn't something I had to worry about. life was so much easier thinking there weren't any issues.
I finished my last round of clomid last night. I'm hoping this one is our lucky one. I'm just over this whole making an effort month in and month out so it would be nice to cut this down instead of having the long wait ahead of us til we see the RE.
DH finally did his SA yesterday and didn't make a big deal about it all (outside of the whining he did about taking time off work to drive into the city), which I was a little surprised about, but I think its because he's ready for answers too. but now that that's done, I can call the clinic to get our referral going so we can actually get our appointment with the RE! finally moving forward after waiting 2 months to get all our testing done.
I'm also hoping we'll be one of those couples who get jinxed when going through testing just to end up pregnant before ever meeting an RE... it would be a welcome surprise and worth every inconvenience. a girl can dream, but I'm also realistic and fully expecting to have to keep an appointment with the RE and get to see them before this is over. even if I did get pregnant, I'd request that our appointment with the RE not be cancelled until we get past the first trimester. I don't want to cancel the appointment due to a pregnancy, just to MC once again and have to go through the waiting process again to get an appointment. I don't think we'd have to go through the year of TTC again before getting referred or have to do the testing all over again. I wish this wasn't something I had to worry about. life was so much easier thinking there weren't any issues.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
shitty weekend
sigh. I had a somewhat terrible weekend. where to start? I guess from the beginning...
1. I got an email late Saturday afternoon about setting up a new cell phone account with my current provider. I figured the email was spam but since it included an authorization # and the phone number activated, I wanted to make sure. so I called them up and they were able to confirm an awful lot of my information for me including the fact that there was a phone set up in my name, along with using my credit card number, email address, street address and phone numbers. enter complete shock. so as I was on the phone with them, I checked my online banking activity since they said there was approximately $1000 worth of charges from them, and I confirmed exactly how many and how much those charges were while looking at my account. I was floored. wtf? how did this happen? I physically had my credit card and hadn't used it in about 2 weeks in a store, but had used it a number of times for some online shopping. I still don't know where the info could have been taken from since I have 5 active email addresses. that's a lot to keep straight. so after getting off the phone with the phone provider, I had to call my credit company to let them know I was a victim of fraud, the phone provider was reversing the charges so they didn't have to, but I did need a new card issued. then I was worried about a ticketmaster purchase not going through since it wasn't showing up on my online banking, even as a authorized purchase and not a posted purchase. just what you want to deal with on a Saturday evening....
2. I did a neon run Saturday with a friend and her son. what a fiasco. first, i was running behind getting ready because i was dealing with fraud, then i spent the trip up there talking to the credit company and still trying to figure out what sites i needed to the change passwords too and where this possibly could have happened. when we got there, it wasn't anything i didn't expect, a big group of ppl with no actual set waves, similar to color me rad which i had done 2 times prior. i didn't expect there to be a lot of organization in that respect since with color me rad, as long as you have a race bib, you can just walk right to the start line (even if you signed up for a particular wave) and just go with the next wave since they let one go every 2-5 minutes. with this neon run, they let one group go about 15 minutes late of the start time, then about 4-5 more waves, the last one leaving i guess close to an hour late. it was ridiculous letting that many ppl go at a time, but knowing how color me rad is, it wasn't surprising yet. it started out following a very similar route, but at the 1km mark, they turned us down toward the Edmonton river valley instead of meandering through the residential area. it was an alright jog to the bottom, a little dark, but i managed just fine. at the 2km mark, that's when it all went wrong. i don't know approved the route, or if it was a last minute change as it was rumoured later on, or what the deal was, but they were bottlenecking about 2000 participants into a single file line up a steep embankment. i was already separated from my friend as she stayed at her son's pace, but not knowing that they were sending us towards this path, i kept at my pace and was planning on just waiting for them at the finish. well at this bottleneck, i waited for at least 30 mintues before getting to the top and my friend ended up bypassing me by taking an alternate route to the top and finished well ahead of me. i didn't even know how far back they might have been. it took me nearly 2 hours to finish a 5k run that i can definite finish in less than 45 minutes at color me rad. ppl were saying afterwards that it was actually a 7.5k route, which makes complete sense as i can typically run a 5k without much issue or being too winded, but not long after getting to the top of that hill, i didn't have much left in me. it was about the actual 5k mark that i petered out and was struggling. i resorted to some walking because i just couldn't run anymore. by the time i got to the finish line, everyone was just exasperated. my friend thought i had been trampled and was wondering if they'd ever see me again. what a failure that race was. there was a lot of angry ppl after that run, didn't help that all the volunteers had basically taken off after about the hour mark from the race start because the only ppl left manning the streets, were the cops directing traffic. what a joke that was. once i got all my venting out, i felt better and didn't do as much complaining, but still. that's not at all what anyone signed up for.
3. i ended my sunday evening with a migraine. DH and i were participating in a memorial motorcycle ride sunday that we had done the year before. i look forward to it because its the longest ride DH will take me on since we limit it to as far as Edmonton and back. this was a 230km ride to the finish and at about the 175km mark, i started getting a headache and my ass had had about all it could handle, but i toughed it out (like i had much of a choice) and it wasn't too bad until we were almost home. i kept my eyes shut most of ride home from the finish and when we did get home, i was nearly in tears from the pain in my forehead, but knowing crying would just make it worse, i just popped some advil and we relaxed in bed and had a nap. even after the nap i still had a raging headache so i took some extra strength Tylenol hoping that would help, but i didn't get much relief before falling asleep for the night. that headache lasted all the next day too. probably one of the worst headaches I've ever had. i think I've only had about 3 really bad headaches, and that was one of them. the first one was over 8 years ago and my entire head was throbbing, i had to take some of my moms Tylenol 2s. the second was last summer when i was pregnant coming back from a wedding in Saskatoon. being pregnant and up late, makes for one hungover feeling pregnant woman the next day and i just so happened to get the nasty migraine to go with said hungover feeling. it was horrible, but at least was gone after some shut eye.
1. I got an email late Saturday afternoon about setting up a new cell phone account with my current provider. I figured the email was spam but since it included an authorization # and the phone number activated, I wanted to make sure. so I called them up and they were able to confirm an awful lot of my information for me including the fact that there was a phone set up in my name, along with using my credit card number, email address, street address and phone numbers. enter complete shock. so as I was on the phone with them, I checked my online banking activity since they said there was approximately $1000 worth of charges from them, and I confirmed exactly how many and how much those charges were while looking at my account. I was floored. wtf? how did this happen? I physically had my credit card and hadn't used it in about 2 weeks in a store, but had used it a number of times for some online shopping. I still don't know where the info could have been taken from since I have 5 active email addresses. that's a lot to keep straight. so after getting off the phone with the phone provider, I had to call my credit company to let them know I was a victim of fraud, the phone provider was reversing the charges so they didn't have to, but I did need a new card issued. then I was worried about a ticketmaster purchase not going through since it wasn't showing up on my online banking, even as a authorized purchase and not a posted purchase. just what you want to deal with on a Saturday evening....
2. I did a neon run Saturday with a friend and her son. what a fiasco. first, i was running behind getting ready because i was dealing with fraud, then i spent the trip up there talking to the credit company and still trying to figure out what sites i needed to the change passwords too and where this possibly could have happened. when we got there, it wasn't anything i didn't expect, a big group of ppl with no actual set waves, similar to color me rad which i had done 2 times prior. i didn't expect there to be a lot of organization in that respect since with color me rad, as long as you have a race bib, you can just walk right to the start line (even if you signed up for a particular wave) and just go with the next wave since they let one go every 2-5 minutes. with this neon run, they let one group go about 15 minutes late of the start time, then about 4-5 more waves, the last one leaving i guess close to an hour late. it was ridiculous letting that many ppl go at a time, but knowing how color me rad is, it wasn't surprising yet. it started out following a very similar route, but at the 1km mark, they turned us down toward the Edmonton river valley instead of meandering through the residential area. it was an alright jog to the bottom, a little dark, but i managed just fine. at the 2km mark, that's when it all went wrong. i don't know approved the route, or if it was a last minute change as it was rumoured later on, or what the deal was, but they were bottlenecking about 2000 participants into a single file line up a steep embankment. i was already separated from my friend as she stayed at her son's pace, but not knowing that they were sending us towards this path, i kept at my pace and was planning on just waiting for them at the finish. well at this bottleneck, i waited for at least 30 mintues before getting to the top and my friend ended up bypassing me by taking an alternate route to the top and finished well ahead of me. i didn't even know how far back they might have been. it took me nearly 2 hours to finish a 5k run that i can definite finish in less than 45 minutes at color me rad. ppl were saying afterwards that it was actually a 7.5k route, which makes complete sense as i can typically run a 5k without much issue or being too winded, but not long after getting to the top of that hill, i didn't have much left in me. it was about the actual 5k mark that i petered out and was struggling. i resorted to some walking because i just couldn't run anymore. by the time i got to the finish line, everyone was just exasperated. my friend thought i had been trampled and was wondering if they'd ever see me again. what a failure that race was. there was a lot of angry ppl after that run, didn't help that all the volunteers had basically taken off after about the hour mark from the race start because the only ppl left manning the streets, were the cops directing traffic. what a joke that was. once i got all my venting out, i felt better and didn't do as much complaining, but still. that's not at all what anyone signed up for.
3. i ended my sunday evening with a migraine. DH and i were participating in a memorial motorcycle ride sunday that we had done the year before. i look forward to it because its the longest ride DH will take me on since we limit it to as far as Edmonton and back. this was a 230km ride to the finish and at about the 175km mark, i started getting a headache and my ass had had about all it could handle, but i toughed it out (like i had much of a choice) and it wasn't too bad until we were almost home. i kept my eyes shut most of ride home from the finish and when we did get home, i was nearly in tears from the pain in my forehead, but knowing crying would just make it worse, i just popped some advil and we relaxed in bed and had a nap. even after the nap i still had a raging headache so i took some extra strength Tylenol hoping that would help, but i didn't get much relief before falling asleep for the night. that headache lasted all the next day too. probably one of the worst headaches I've ever had. i think I've only had about 3 really bad headaches, and that was one of them. the first one was over 8 years ago and my entire head was throbbing, i had to take some of my moms Tylenol 2s. the second was last summer when i was pregnant coming back from a wedding in Saskatoon. being pregnant and up late, makes for one hungover feeling pregnant woman the next day and i just so happened to get the nasty migraine to go with said hungover feeling. it was horrible, but at least was gone after some shut eye.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
the bitch finally showed
(cycle 49, day 1)
better late than never, right? except I really would've preferred never, or at least for the next 9 months would've been nice.
so it seems clomid has in fact lengthened my LP by a day, which sucks cuz its throwing off next cycle >: ( I'm going to ovulate the day I'm in Ontario (provided clomid will make me O on the same day next cycle) so I need DH to give up one night after fire practice, which if you didn't already know, is like pulling teeth. sometimes its not and he actually skips practice altogether, but if he's not skipping practice, he's not home til I'm in a deep sleep, which doesn't bother me provided I actually get to spend some time with him Wednesday and Friday. but if I'm taking clomid, we can't waste the only cycle I have left of it (not that I think its going to help us since one cycle didn't). If he can't make it home, I'm not bothering to take it again til November's cycle because we won't be seeing each other next cycle with being apart due to travel. we might have a small chance if my cycles stay the same, but its not enough time seeing each other that I think we'd even have much of a shot, it would be a small one, maybe one BD before O day because each cycle has been pushed back a day or so.
I really feel like we'll be heading into the new year no closer to starting our family than we were 4 years ago. its a depressing thought and even more depressing if I told you how much we could potentially still have ahead of us (i'll save it for a future post cuz this is shitty enough).
better late than never, right? except I really would've preferred never, or at least for the next 9 months would've been nice.
so it seems clomid has in fact lengthened my LP by a day, which sucks cuz its throwing off next cycle >: ( I'm going to ovulate the day I'm in Ontario (provided clomid will make me O on the same day next cycle) so I need DH to give up one night after fire practice, which if you didn't already know, is like pulling teeth. sometimes its not and he actually skips practice altogether, but if he's not skipping practice, he's not home til I'm in a deep sleep, which doesn't bother me provided I actually get to spend some time with him Wednesday and Friday. but if I'm taking clomid, we can't waste the only cycle I have left of it (not that I think its going to help us since one cycle didn't). If he can't make it home, I'm not bothering to take it again til November's cycle because we won't be seeing each other next cycle with being apart due to travel. we might have a small chance if my cycles stay the same, but its not enough time seeing each other that I think we'd even have much of a shot, it would be a small one, maybe one BD before O day because each cycle has been pushed back a day or so.
I really feel like we'll be heading into the new year no closer to starting our family than we were 4 years ago. its a depressing thought and even more depressing if I told you how much we could potentially still have ahead of us (i'll save it for a future post cuz this is shitty enough).
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
what the hell?
(cycle 48, day 30, 14 dpo)
I seriously don't understand my chart. I thought for sure AF was on her way yesterday, or even today, but my temp went back up yesterday and only slightly down from that this morning, so still well above coverline where majority of my other 2ww temps are.
I had some pain in my pelvis yesterday (the day after the temp drop, same day as the temp rise, for reference) and thought for sure AF would be showing up in the evening, or at the very least this morning, but nothing. temped this morning and was still confused by it because its still pretty high (not super high by my 2ww standards, but still definitely in the 2ww range of normal for me and not low enough for me to assume AF is for sure on her way). I did test yesterday evening, but was a BFN.
I did play with my chart and if I discard the super low temp on 12dpo, it looks like my temp is just on the way down and I may have a longer LP possibly due to the clomid. my is usually way down by now, but if the clomid is extending my LP, then I guess the temps are normal and heading down like they normally would. we'll see I guess if AF shows up today and what tomoro's temp is. if its still up, I'm going to be even more confused than I've been the last 2 days.
I seriously don't understand my chart. I thought for sure AF was on her way yesterday, or even today, but my temp went back up yesterday and only slightly down from that this morning, so still well above coverline where majority of my other 2ww temps are.
I did play with my chart and if I discard the super low temp on 12dpo, it looks like my temp is just on the way down and I may have a longer LP possibly due to the clomid. my is usually way down by now, but if the clomid is extending my LP, then I guess the temps are normal and heading down like they normally would. we'll see I guess if AF shows up today and what tomoro's temp is. if its still up, I'm going to be even more confused than I've been the last 2 days.
Monday, September 8, 2014
cliff diving, again
(cycle 48, day 28, 12 dpo)
after having my temp be slightly up sunday morning, it dived today. though I'm sure it was only up because we went to bed late and were drinking the night before... of course I tested, and of course it was a BFN, and of course this mornings temp was well below coverline and back down to pre-O levels. of fucking course. clomid didn't make a damn difference, at least that's how it feels.
its 12dpo, so I'm sure AF will make her appearance tomoro since I have a 12-13 day LP. I tried grasping at straws this morning and searched FF for charts with late implantation dips, but only found 1 or 2 out of about 30+ charts and I'm sure only something like 1-5% had implantation dips that late since I didn't go through the entire gallery of charts with dips. doesn't give me much hope. plus I don't know if those women had longer LPs so their body wasn't already gearing up to shed its lining by the time they had their implantation dip like mine would be by now. I just don't see how if something were to implant today, that it wouldn't be too late with a 12 day LP. so I'm pretty sure its AF gearing up and not a baby burrowing in just a little late.
Friday, September 5, 2014
still not hopeful
(cycle 48, day 25, 9 dpo)
temping is keeping me somewhat rational. as rational as one can be when TTC... I haven't had any major cramping, but I've been aware of my pelvis for the last few days, which sounds really weird when you say it... lol. its not really cramping, but a very slight pressure in my lower abdomen. I'm not even sure if its actually there or if I'm once again just hoping so hard to feel something that I'm now imagining it. my temps have been average once again. no major dips or jumps, just the same ol' same ol'. which has me thinking we're out this cycle. I would think I'd see something in my chart by now. I know its possible that if this is the lucky cycle, implantation might not have even happened yet and I've still got a couple days for it to happen before assuming anything. I'm hoping to be surprised by a late AF and bfp next week, but I doubt it. as long as my temps are staying in the average zone, I probably wont' even bother testing until next Thursday if AF hasn't shown up. she's due either Tuesday or Wednesday, so Thursday would definitely be considered late, Wednesday evening would be late... ugh, I really hate the 2ww, actually all of it because its taken us longer than probably 80-90% of couples ttc.
temping is keeping me somewhat rational. as rational as one can be when TTC... I haven't had any major cramping, but I've been aware of my pelvis for the last few days, which sounds really weird when you say it... lol. its not really cramping, but a very slight pressure in my lower abdomen. I'm not even sure if its actually there or if I'm once again just hoping so hard to feel something that I'm now imagining it. my temps have been average once again. no major dips or jumps, just the same ol' same ol'. which has me thinking we're out this cycle. I would think I'd see something in my chart by now. I know its possible that if this is the lucky cycle, implantation might not have even happened yet and I've still got a couple days for it to happen before assuming anything. I'm hoping to be surprised by a late AF and bfp next week, but I doubt it. as long as my temps are staying in the average zone, I probably wont' even bother testing until next Thursday if AF hasn't shown up. she's due either Tuesday or Wednesday, so Thursday would definitely be considered late, Wednesday evening would be late... ugh, I really hate the 2ww, actually all of it because its taken us longer than probably 80-90% of couples ttc.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
hopes dashed already
(cycle 48, day 22, 6 dpo)
I'm not even half way through the 2ww and I've already lost hope :-/
both pregnancies I had significant cramping pretty early, like 5 or 6 dpo that lasted a few hours and I totally mistook for indigestion. the suspected chemical pregnancy I had the same cramping around the same time and had a pretty decent temp drop that day as well. so far this cycle? nothing.
I was really hoping clomid would maybe be what we needed, but if it doesn't work this cycle, I have one more cycle and I doubt we'll have much of a shot that cycle cuz DH is busy every night we'll have to BD. he's got golf on Tuesdays (though I don't know how many more weeks he has, it might be over by then), hockey Wednesday night, and fire practice Thursday night (which they go out afterwards and he's never home before midnight) : ( if one cycle of clomid doesn't help, what's another going to do? i feel completely failed by my body. wtf is it going to take to get and stay pregnant?!?!
DH still hasn't gone to get his SA done and that's holding up our referral. they want all our testing done before they'll send in the referral, and so far DH hasn't had a chance to take 2 hours off work in the middle of the day because of how many holidays he'd been taking and now that he could, someone else is on holidays so he might not be able to get out this cycle either. its going to be October by the time he goes in : ( at that rate, we won't be getting to the RE til next spring! and god knows how long it will be before we get answers that lead to getting help once we get in there. we might just get a general apt at first and then have to get yet more testing and more waiting to find out what's wrong with us. i might be ready to give up entirely before then.
the last 2 pregnancies happened in about 11-12 cycles where there was at least some chance. I'm at 12 right now... i hope that suspected chemical didn't totally screw this up and body won't even consider getting pregnant for a few more cycles by kind of resetting the timing. i basically assume its going to take 11-12 trying cycles to get pregnant every time, so that chemical might have totally thrown it off because it happened in 7 cycles of trying, so I'd be at 5 right now if it did reset my body : (
I'm not even half way through the 2ww and I've already lost hope :-/
both pregnancies I had significant cramping pretty early, like 5 or 6 dpo that lasted a few hours and I totally mistook for indigestion. the suspected chemical pregnancy I had the same cramping around the same time and had a pretty decent temp drop that day as well. so far this cycle? nothing.
I was really hoping clomid would maybe be what we needed, but if it doesn't work this cycle, I have one more cycle and I doubt we'll have much of a shot that cycle cuz DH is busy every night we'll have to BD. he's got golf on Tuesdays (though I don't know how many more weeks he has, it might be over by then), hockey Wednesday night, and fire practice Thursday night (which they go out afterwards and he's never home before midnight) : ( if one cycle of clomid doesn't help, what's another going to do? i feel completely failed by my body. wtf is it going to take to get and stay pregnant?!?!
DH still hasn't gone to get his SA done and that's holding up our referral. they want all our testing done before they'll send in the referral, and so far DH hasn't had a chance to take 2 hours off work in the middle of the day because of how many holidays he'd been taking and now that he could, someone else is on holidays so he might not be able to get out this cycle either. its going to be October by the time he goes in : ( at that rate, we won't be getting to the RE til next spring! and god knows how long it will be before we get answers that lead to getting help once we get in there. we might just get a general apt at first and then have to get yet more testing and more waiting to find out what's wrong with us. i might be ready to give up entirely before then.
the last 2 pregnancies happened in about 11-12 cycles where there was at least some chance. I'm at 12 right now... i hope that suspected chemical didn't totally screw this up and body won't even consider getting pregnant for a few more cycles by kind of resetting the timing. i basically assume its going to take 11-12 trying cycles to get pregnant every time, so that chemical might have totally thrown it off because it happened in 7 cycles of trying, so I'd be at 5 right now if it did reset my body : (
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