(cycle 47, day 19)
today might finally be O day! only 6 days behind last cycle's... and we even got some BDing in! bonus!!! so we actually have a chance this cycle and i'll be able to get all my testing within the next 2.5 weeks because i'll actually be home and not in Ontario on the days I need that testing done : ) now I just have to get DH to the city to do his... his bloodwork isn't a problem because the lab is in town, but the SA is in the city an hour+ away depending on traffic...
but can I just say how frustrating it is to have such variation in my cycles? ugh. I don't think its ever been this bad the entire time we've been trying. maybe a random cycle here and there, but it would just go from Oing on say cd14 to 19, then slowly work its way back down instead of going right back to cd14, or vice versa. so this whole going from IDK to cd14, 14, 20, 16, 13, 19 is a bit much for me.
the irregularity has been really hard on DH because of his low sex drive. if we plan for me to O early (cd14-ish) and I don't O til cd20, he's pretty worn out by cd16 and the rest of it is pretty difficult to make happen. its hard on both of us, really. I'm hoping there's going to be a little something coming back with us from Ontario or that clomid will be our miracle. *fingers crossed*
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
spoke too soon
(cycle 47, day 17)
I may have jinxed myself a couple posts ago.... I thought I was going to O last week since I was starting to get some watery cm, but that's where it ended. that dried up and my opks haven't been getting any darker. this cycle is very much like my April cycle when I didn't O til cd20...
I went from Oing regularly between cd14-16 for a year and a half (since July 2012) and then things went wonky. I had those 2 cycles at the beginning of the year where I didn't get any fertile signs and AF showed up on cd35 the one cycle and then went back to normal. but because I didn't get any fertile signs those 2 cycles, I decided to take up temping and OPKs again, which I hadn't done any temping since April 2012... my cycle hasn't been the same since xmas. I had those two cycles where I don't know when O day was and then with tracking I had two normal cycles and my fertile cm made a return. since then I've Od on cd20, cd16, cd13 and I'm already on cd17 this cycle without a positive OPK yet...
the good thing about this is that my testing will get done by mid-august, well that is if I O by Thursday (cd20) because I won't be in Ontario for MIL's wedding on any day I need testing (7dpo or cd3) which was going to be the case had I Od by Saturday/sunday. if I O after this Thursday, my testing won't be done til late august because i'll be in Ontario for the 7dpo test. this is incredibly frustrating.
at least DH is home so if and when I do O, we might still have a shot this cycle if we can get some BDing in this week. though I'm not sure how likely that is since he's had a sore throat since Friday and its only gotten worse... I'm hoping it starts getting better soon so he might be in the mood to BD, I don't want to force it and push my luck and have it backfire...
I'm still hopeful that when I start clomid we might actually get a baby out of it, but I've got to get out of this cycle first...
I may have jinxed myself a couple posts ago.... I thought I was going to O last week since I was starting to get some watery cm, but that's where it ended. that dried up and my opks haven't been getting any darker. this cycle is very much like my April cycle when I didn't O til cd20...
I went from Oing regularly between cd14-16 for a year and a half (since July 2012) and then things went wonky. I had those 2 cycles at the beginning of the year where I didn't get any fertile signs and AF showed up on cd35 the one cycle and then went back to normal. but because I didn't get any fertile signs those 2 cycles, I decided to take up temping and OPKs again, which I hadn't done any temping since April 2012... my cycle hasn't been the same since xmas. I had those two cycles where I don't know when O day was and then with tracking I had two normal cycles and my fertile cm made a return. since then I've Od on cd20, cd16, cd13 and I'm already on cd17 this cycle without a positive OPK yet...
the good thing about this is that my testing will get done by mid-august, well that is if I O by Thursday (cd20) because I won't be in Ontario for MIL's wedding on any day I need testing (7dpo or cd3) which was going to be the case had I Od by Saturday/sunday. if I O after this Thursday, my testing won't be done til late august because i'll be in Ontario for the 7dpo test. this is incredibly frustrating.
at least DH is home so if and when I do O, we might still have a shot this cycle if we can get some BDing in this week. though I'm not sure how likely that is since he's had a sore throat since Friday and its only gotten worse... I'm hoping it starts getting better soon so he might be in the mood to BD, I don't want to force it and push my luck and have it backfire...
I'm still hopeful that when I start clomid we might actually get a baby out of it, but I've got to get out of this cycle first...
Thursday, July 24, 2014
renewed hope
I haven't had this feeling in a very long time. I actually feel like we'll be able to get pregnant and not have to wait much longer (other than how long we've already waited of course). I don't feel all doom and gloom like I was for the last, oh I don't know, 2 years? since well before getting pregnant the second time and it continued after that MC too because I felt like I'd have to wait just as long for a third pregnancy (which its already been that long, but you get my drift). I feel like its right around the corner for us now : )
it must be because I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders after my apt with my doc yesterday. I feel like we're getting somewhere, especially with getting 2 rounds of clomid. I've heard and read so many success stories of women getting pregnant using clomid that it makes me hopeful. I missed being hopeful, a lot. lately its been "if we get to have kids..." instead of "when". now I feel like we'll actually get to have those kids and not have to limit ourselves to one because of how much work its taking to get that one. I no longer feel stuck in a circle of ttc, trying each month and having AF show up each of those months. like seriously, a completely renewed hope. I wonder how long this hope will last though...
and then of course i'll be absolutely terrified of MCing yet again when we do get pregnant. so much so that I feel like I should continue with every day life the way it is now instead of taking it easy because I will inevitably lose it. but I don't want to drag this few and far between happy about ttc post with fears of when I do get pregnant.
so I remain hopeful that we'll get pregnant very soon ; )
it must be because I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders after my apt with my doc yesterday. I feel like we're getting somewhere, especially with getting 2 rounds of clomid. I've heard and read so many success stories of women getting pregnant using clomid that it makes me hopeful. I missed being hopeful, a lot. lately its been "if we get to have kids..." instead of "when". now I feel like we'll actually get to have those kids and not have to limit ourselves to one because of how much work its taking to get that one. I no longer feel stuck in a circle of ttc, trying each month and having AF show up each of those months. like seriously, a completely renewed hope. I wonder how long this hope will last though...
and then of course i'll be absolutely terrified of MCing yet again when we do get pregnant. so much so that I feel like I should continue with every day life the way it is now instead of taking it easy because I will inevitably lose it. but I don't want to drag this few and far between happy about ttc post with fears of when I do get pregnant.
so I remain hopeful that we'll get pregnant very soon ; )
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Apt Update
(cycle 47, day 11)
I finally got my apt with my doc to go over what's next as far as fertility is concerned since its been 12 cycles without a pregnancy (save for a possible chemical back in april that is unconfirmed and may have been just a false positive).
she's sending us for a few more tests that need to be done before an RE will see us:
-SA for DH
-STI testing for us both (required by the RE)
-CD3 testing for FSH, prolactin and TSH levels
-CD21/7DPO testing for progesterone levels and to find out what my blood type is since I have no clue
she's referring us to an RE but we need to get all that testing done before they will even book us an apt and they book 4-6 months in advance : ( she made it sound like we're probably headed toward getting an IUI done with the RE since we can get pregnant on our own, we just might need some help with the selection of sperm (depending on the results of the SA) or the delivery of the sperm into my uterus/tubes. the unfortunate part is that we have to wait about 1.5-2 months to get referred because of the way my cycle is falling when we go to Ontario for MIL's wedding. if I had taken the apt for july 14 with my doc and just waited til after the apt to go on holidays, I would've had it done that day because that was cd3, rats. just missed it. so that test won't be done until early September unless I don't O for another week this cycle (which isn't likely since I'm showing signs of it happening by Saturday...) or O today or tomoro (which also isn't likely since today is only cd11 and that would be extremely early for me) to allow that test to happen either the day before we leave or the day after getting back. but the way its going, i'll be cd4 or later when we get back. though it probably isn't that big a deal since DH has to find the time to get his SA done and that's probably going to be closer to when I can get that cd3 test done anyway. he has to go to the city (the lab he has to drop it off at is just over an hour away on a good day) and have it at the lab within an hour of collecting it. collection time for those tests at that lab is between 10am and 1pm, Monday to Thursday. it would just be way too easy for them to collect on Friday's since DH will have 2 Friday's off by the time I get that cd3 test done so he wouldn't have to leave work for 2.5-3 hours in the middle of the day, grr. he'll probably use his lunch for some of that time so he's not taking too much time off work, but its right at a time when we're taking holidays left and right. but it has to be done, I'm not waiting til xmas for him to do it and then not seeing the RE til next summer... if we get all the testing done by early September, we'll be at the RE early next year, when we've been ttc for 4.5 years...
so in the meantime, while waiting for that as of yet to be booked apt, we can continue TTC and hope to get pregnant on our own. she also prescribed 2 rounds of clomid for me to give us a bit of a boost and see if that's all we really need. so I'm already too far in this cycle to try it, so next cycle i'll be giving that a try. I was curious to see if she would prescribe that to me given that I O on a regular basis and clomid is typically used for women who don't O, have really irregular cycles or O really late regularly. the good thing about clomid is that you typically will release more eggs which means a higher chance of one getting fertilized and becoming a baby. the downside is there's a much higher chance of multiples, something I've always wanted to avoid : / if it happens, it happens, I'm not going to die because of it, life would just be stupidly hectic for many years and very expensive when you can't feasibly use handmedowns for the next one because the next one is the same age using the same things at the same time... thank god we plan on setting up RESPs so secondary schooling is way more affordable and that will be our contribution to their schooling.
...and now I'm getting way ahead of myself : P
I'm gearing up to O this cycle already and I'm hoping none of these tests will be necessary, but its a necessary step if doing it on our own just isn't going to work.
I finally got my apt with my doc to go over what's next as far as fertility is concerned since its been 12 cycles without a pregnancy (save for a possible chemical back in april that is unconfirmed and may have been just a false positive).
she's sending us for a few more tests that need to be done before an RE will see us:
-SA for DH
-STI testing for us both (required by the RE)
-CD3 testing for FSH, prolactin and TSH levels
-CD21/7DPO testing for progesterone levels and to find out what my blood type is since I have no clue
she's referring us to an RE but we need to get all that testing done before they will even book us an apt and they book 4-6 months in advance : ( she made it sound like we're probably headed toward getting an IUI done with the RE since we can get pregnant on our own, we just might need some help with the selection of sperm (depending on the results of the SA) or the delivery of the sperm into my uterus/tubes. the unfortunate part is that we have to wait about 1.5-2 months to get referred because of the way my cycle is falling when we go to Ontario for MIL's wedding. if I had taken the apt for july 14 with my doc and just waited til after the apt to go on holidays, I would've had it done that day because that was cd3, rats. just missed it. so that test won't be done until early September unless I don't O for another week this cycle (which isn't likely since I'm showing signs of it happening by Saturday...) or O today or tomoro (which also isn't likely since today is only cd11 and that would be extremely early for me) to allow that test to happen either the day before we leave or the day after getting back. but the way its going, i'll be cd4 or later when we get back. though it probably isn't that big a deal since DH has to find the time to get his SA done and that's probably going to be closer to when I can get that cd3 test done anyway. he has to go to the city (the lab he has to drop it off at is just over an hour away on a good day) and have it at the lab within an hour of collecting it. collection time for those tests at that lab is between 10am and 1pm, Monday to Thursday. it would just be way too easy for them to collect on Friday's since DH will have 2 Friday's off by the time I get that cd3 test done so he wouldn't have to leave work for 2.5-3 hours in the middle of the day, grr. he'll probably use his lunch for some of that time so he's not taking too much time off work, but its right at a time when we're taking holidays left and right. but it has to be done, I'm not waiting til xmas for him to do it and then not seeing the RE til next summer... if we get all the testing done by early September, we'll be at the RE early next year, when we've been ttc for 4.5 years...
so in the meantime, while waiting for that as of yet to be booked apt, we can continue TTC and hope to get pregnant on our own. she also prescribed 2 rounds of clomid for me to give us a bit of a boost and see if that's all we really need. so I'm already too far in this cycle to try it, so next cycle i'll be giving that a try. I was curious to see if she would prescribe that to me given that I O on a regular basis and clomid is typically used for women who don't O, have really irregular cycles or O really late regularly. the good thing about clomid is that you typically will release more eggs which means a higher chance of one getting fertilized and becoming a baby. the downside is there's a much higher chance of multiples, something I've always wanted to avoid : / if it happens, it happens, I'm not going to die because of it, life would just be stupidly hectic for many years and very expensive when you can't feasibly use handmedowns for the next one because the next one is the same age using the same things at the same time... thank god we plan on setting up RESPs so secondary schooling is way more affordable and that will be our contribution to their schooling.
...and now I'm getting way ahead of myself : P
I'm gearing up to O this cycle already and I'm hoping none of these tests will be necessary, but its a necessary step if doing it on our own just isn't going to work.
Monday, July 21, 2014
AF showed up
(cycle 47, day 10)
so after crazy temp rises, my temp jumped off a cliff and well below the coverline at 11dpo and even further at 12dpo. I also started spotting about 3 days before she showed up, which has never happened before and I was hoping the first of those 3 days was implantation, but alas, it wasn't. just AF being her unpredictable self. I seriously haven't had 2 cycles in a row be the exact same. I went from pretty super regular to being all over the place. went from about a 27 day cycle to 34, 29, 27, 26, 33, 29, 26. I feel so lost with my cycles. I never know what to expect and I can't count on the next cycle being a normal one because when I do that, it does the exact opposite. I haven't had this much fluctuation in a long time.
so we go the doc tomoro. I don't know what to expect from that appt. I'm hoping requisitions for tests instead of just a consult so we're not wasting more time than we already have. i'm not even sure I have a year left in me to keep trying. I might if we're doing more than what we have been, like IUI's or IVF's or something to help us along, otherwise, what's the point in continuing to try on our own?
anyway, I started writing this on cd2 but then got occupied by a week at my aunt and uncle's cabin in Saskatchewan and am now on cd10 and hoping to O by end of this week because DH will be away next weekend at a hockey tournament in jasper... god only knows what my cycle is going to do. I started getting creamy cm pretty early, but its also only cd10 so I should start noticing more fertile signs very soon if I am going to O before the weekend.
so after crazy temp rises, my temp jumped off a cliff and well below the coverline at 11dpo and even further at 12dpo. I also started spotting about 3 days before she showed up, which has never happened before and I was hoping the first of those 3 days was implantation, but alas, it wasn't. just AF being her unpredictable self. I seriously haven't had 2 cycles in a row be the exact same. I went from pretty super regular to being all over the place. went from about a 27 day cycle to 34, 29, 27, 26, 33, 29, 26. I feel so lost with my cycles. I never know what to expect and I can't count on the next cycle being a normal one because when I do that, it does the exact opposite. I haven't had this much fluctuation in a long time.
so we go the doc tomoro. I don't know what to expect from that appt. I'm hoping requisitions for tests instead of just a consult so we're not wasting more time than we already have. i'm not even sure I have a year left in me to keep trying. I might if we're doing more than what we have been, like IUI's or IVF's or something to help us along, otherwise, what's the point in continuing to try on our own?
anyway, I started writing this on cd2 but then got occupied by a week at my aunt and uncle's cabin in Saskatchewan and am now on cd10 and hoping to O by end of this week because DH will be away next weekend at a hockey tournament in jasper... god only knows what my cycle is going to do. I started getting creamy cm pretty early, but its also only cd10 so I should start noticing more fertile signs very soon if I am going to O before the weekend.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
fluke
after seeing my temp rise yesterday to a nearly never before seen high, today's was much higher. it went from 36.93 to 37.68. but I also ended up with a fever last night so I don't feel like I can actually use those temps in my chart : / it started yesterday with a sore throat and then by mid-afternoon I had really bad back pain. when I got home, I decided to just lay on the couch instead of go for a walk/run like I was planning. I started taking my temp to monitor it and it got as high as 38.7 before going to bed. my bbt and morning check on my temp (which I did about 5 minutes after getting out of the shower, not at the same time as bbt) were basically the same, around 37.7. so I don't know what to make of it and i'll probably have to toss the temps from the last 2 days out so it doesn't skew my chart. I will be going to the walk-in clinic this morning though so I can get rid of this sore throat before holidays start.
I don't have time to be sick! in the 5 days I have before holidays, I have to make a batch of buttertarts to bring to the cabin, clean my truck, take my cousins swimming at our city's new pool and do more baking with them, bring my dog to a friend's place in the city to dogsit her, step class, laundry, pack for a week, and finish a set of plans. I'm not busy at all ::) I should be able to get it all done, but it will probably take up my entire weekend. ugh.
but seriously, I wish I could count on my temp right now cuz it makes me happy to see it so high, even if I haven't seen a bfp yet... because yes, I'm still a poas-aholic and started testing at 8dpo...
I don't have time to be sick! in the 5 days I have before holidays, I have to make a batch of buttertarts to bring to the cabin, clean my truck, take my cousins swimming at our city's new pool and do more baking with them, bring my dog to a friend's place in the city to dogsit her, step class, laundry, pack for a week, and finish a set of plans. I'm not busy at all ::) I should be able to get it all done, but it will probably take up my entire weekend. ugh.
but seriously, I wish I could count on my temp right now cuz it makes me happy to see it so high, even if I haven't seen a bfp yet... because yes, I'm still a poas-aholic and started testing at 8dpo...
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
i bet you're tired of this now, lol
(cycle 46, day 23, 9 dpo)
my temp went up this morning. like a lot. like to a temp I don't normally achieve in the 2ww, ever. I have 3 charts that have a temp over 36.90 but its an isolated temp and only lasts a day so I'm interested to see what it is tomoro. to say I'm now getting hopeful is an understatement ; )
my temp went up this morning. like a lot. like to a temp I don't normally achieve in the 2ww, ever. I have 3 charts that have a temp over 36.90 but its an isolated temp and only lasts a day so I'm interested to see what it is tomoro. to say I'm now getting hopeful is an understatement ; )
Monday, July 7, 2014
i'm doing it again...
(cycle 46, day 22, 8 dpo)
...I'm being hopeful. at least until I temped this morning : / my temp was going up earlier than normal and my boobs started hurting a couple days sooner than usual, but then this morning I had my usual 8dpo dip. I still plan on testing by Thursday, only because of my holidays next week, but its not with as much hope as I had yesterday... *sigh*
ETA: I totally forgot to mention anything about a freaky dream I had over the weekend...
so my bf who's wedding I'm standing in October might be making the out west because of her fiancé's job. with planning the wedding in Ontario, she isn't looking to move just yet and wants to at least wait until after the wedding to make the big change (if they decide to move out here since his job is flying him back and forth). well I dreamt that it turned out that the possibility of her moving out here wasn't known to anyone else and then she freaked out on me and told me I was pretty much the worst friend ever. I begged her and she just kept saying mean things like "of course you're trying to do what you can to fix this, but you can't. damage is done, I hope you're happy, yadda yadda yadda". I woke up, I almost thought it was real and was actually worried about our friendship! but thank god it was just a dream. of course it wasn't until today that I thought maybe it was a prego symptom *insert eyeroll* jesus. I just can't help myself from being hopeful can I?
...I'm being hopeful. at least until I temped this morning : / my temp was going up earlier than normal and my boobs started hurting a couple days sooner than usual, but then this morning I had my usual 8dpo dip. I still plan on testing by Thursday, only because of my holidays next week, but its not with as much hope as I had yesterday... *sigh*
ETA: I totally forgot to mention anything about a freaky dream I had over the weekend...
so my bf who's wedding I'm standing in October might be making the out west because of her fiancé's job. with planning the wedding in Ontario, she isn't looking to move just yet and wants to at least wait until after the wedding to make the big change (if they decide to move out here since his job is flying him back and forth). well I dreamt that it turned out that the possibility of her moving out here wasn't known to anyone else and then she freaked out on me and told me I was pretty much the worst friend ever. I begged her and she just kept saying mean things like "of course you're trying to do what you can to fix this, but you can't. damage is done, I hope you're happy, yadda yadda yadda". I woke up, I almost thought it was real and was actually worried about our friendship! but thank god it was just a dream. of course it wasn't until today that I thought maybe it was a prego symptom *insert eyeroll* jesus. I just can't help myself from being hopeful can I?
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
back in the 2ww, again.
(cycle 46, day 17, 3 dpo)
another 2ww, another dollar. back to Oing on cd14. I wish my body would go back to doing the same thing every cycle instead of being different every cycle. it gets old not being able to count on when I'll be fertile because its not the same every month. I want that predictability back!
thankfully Oing on cd14 this cycle means i'll be able to get confirmation for my doc before going on holidays, and not have to be at the lab for god knows how long on the day I plan on leaving for the cabin. I plan on testing next Thursday so that if I get a BFP, I can test again on Friday to be sure its not a fluke and then go to the lab in the afternoon. that's if I even get a BFP this cycle. if I don't, I can't wait to enjoy drinks at the cabin!
another 2ww, another dollar. back to Oing on cd14. I wish my body would go back to doing the same thing every cycle instead of being different every cycle. it gets old not being able to count on when I'll be fertile because its not the same every month. I want that predictability back!
thankfully Oing on cd14 this cycle means i'll be able to get confirmation for my doc before going on holidays, and not have to be at the lab for god knows how long on the day I plan on leaving for the cabin. I plan on testing next Thursday so that if I get a BFP, I can test again on Friday to be sure its not a fluke and then go to the lab in the afternoon. that's if I even get a BFP this cycle. if I don't, I can't wait to enjoy drinks at the cabin!
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