the resutls are in

I'd by lying if I said I wasn't nervous going into the appointment.

so far everything checks out for both of us and I finally know my blood type.

dh is an overachiever and has super sperm. seriously. pretty much double normal levels for almost everything, in some cases, 10x better than they're looking for. he told me after doing the SA that he thought it wasn't much volume wise and looked like such a little amount, well it was double what they look for, lol. we had a chuckle at that. the count is where he really excelled, they want over 30 million and he was over 300 million. there was one factor that he was just above what they wanted, but it was such a low number anyway (they want 4 and he had 5, but can't for the life of me remember what it was for) that its fine and normal. overall, he's definitely not the issue, at least not yet, there's still a couple things that need to be looked at his end, but for now, we're ruling him out.

I now know I'm O+ for if I ever choose to give blood (maybe if my fear of needles ever subsides...) and being positive is a good thing baby-wise, which means I can't be RH- and have my body attack the baby's (hypothetical baby of course since we're obviously struggling in that department) because of blood not being compatible. so good news there. all my other testing is within normal ranges. well aside from my progesterone which somehow didn't get entered into the system as though I never did it when I definitely did. so that's the only test result we don't have, if my progesterone is high enough in the 2ww to even sustain early pregnancy. now that I'm already almost a week past that in the 2ww (its the cd21/7dpo test), I have to wait at least 3.5 weeks to do that test again (and that's if I O around cd14/15 instead of cd20, in which case I'd have to wait even longer than 3.5 weeks to do it). which now reminds me that i'll have to do some kind of testing for O so I can get that test at the right time in my cycle, sigh. I guess I could wait another cycle to get it done since it just needs to be done before seeing the RE.... so maybe i'll wait another cycle... anyway, back to the results...

so all that to say there's nothing wrong with either of us at this point that would make it harder to make a baby. frustrating. all that testing to find out we're both fine. or at least as fine as those tests will tell us. maybe there's something deeper that's not right... but we won't be able to find that out until we get to the RE. hoping for something to be wrong? yep, the mind of an infertile works that way. I desperately wanted something to be wrong so we had an answer, a reason for each pregnancy taking so long to achieve, but nada. I'm just left with more questions and doubt.

I was hoping I'd come back from that appointment with renewed hope and instead I feel even more helpless than before. the first pregnancy took 16 months, 11 cycles of which there was some kind of chance. the second one took 18 months with 12 cycles having a chance. here we are, our best record for TTC, 14 months, 15 total cycles and 13 with some kind of chance. other than actual time TTC, we're taking longer than before to get pregnant again. I'm not sure how much longer we can keep going like this because its looking like this cycle won't work either and you can add one of everything to the last tally.

so now our referral goes in and I should be getting a call in a week or so with our appointment date, whenever that may be in the future....