so just before I left for my time away in Ontario (and literally days after my post about splitting), I was given information that explained a hell of a lot of what happened in the preceding month.
he had started dating someone. the weekend he suddenly flipped a switch and I lost my friend, he was at a hockey tournament and had her there with him. it explained why he didn't want me there (I typically go to all fire dept functions as I have many friends on the dept since I've been around them for the last 7 years, so I wasn't only going to watch him, I was going to watch friends). he said it wouldn't be a long game but then I saw pictures from friends that were there and it hurt that they went and I was told to stay away. so finding out he was dating, explained why he didn't want me there. a lot of his friends were pissed at him because a lot of them didn't even know we had split and felt like he was cheating on me and that he should tell me about her and at least move out before actually dating someone. hence him wanting to move out almost immediately after that weekend (he moved out a week after). they also broke up that weekend (hence him being a jackass most of that weekend to pretty much everyone) so he could get his life post-split together. while they were apart, she was with the guy she had dated before him (they had split, but were still living together, obviously very similar, though he hadn't wavered with me like she did). so they were kind of together after he moved out, but she was still with the other guy.
well the weekend before I left, he actually spent a lot of time at the house finishing up the electrical work that needed to be done for final inspection. I didn't think much of it, just that it was nice to have the friend back that I had lost for about 3 weeks. at the end of the weekend, he finally told me that he had been dating someone (a girl I went to school with and was kind of friends with back then, I wasn't happy that it was someone I knew and was friendly with when seeing her around town the last 10 years) and that they had broken up for good. all of a sudden, it all made a lot of sense. things that I was confused about (like his abrupt change in attitude) were put in perspective. we were really good friends again and it was great. I could actually see us being good friends through all of this.
and then that changed again this past week. he had also taken some time away and in that time, they were talking a lot more (which I thought was weird if she were trying to make it work with the other guy. I wouldn't have been able to keep in touch with him like that, too many emotions and feelings involved and I'd always feel that pull and not be able to fully commit myself to making the other relationship work, but that's just me...) and the day before he came back, she decided she was for sure leaving her guy and once she did that, they were going to start dating again. I think it ridiculous and that if she's wavered that much with all her relationships since high school, he's likely to end up with the same problem. then again, he's also done similar things (though not nearly to that extent as his is every 5 or so years, not every few months or couple years) so maybe they deserve each other.
but I'm hurt. I felt like I lost him all over again. not that I had him back the way I wanted to have him back, but I had my friend back and that only seemed to work when he wasn't with someone.
I also hate him. I hate him for breaking the promises he made in our vows. I hate him for moving on while I'm here, still mending a broken heart before I put myself out there for someone else. I hate him for taking the life I loved away from me. I thought I was doing well after he moved out, but it was only temporary as I'm struggling with it once again.
this does get better, right? I want to either fast forward life to get to the better days or rewind to the time before there were problems...
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