Mother's Day

for at least 3 years I've hated this day. I still do. not because I hate mothers but because I feel like nobody cares about the bereaved mother who lost their child before they even got to hold them tight and kiss their forehead. the seemingly smaller losses because they were lost far too soon. before you could even really announce to the world that there was going to be a baby on the way. before anyone but you and your significant other could bond with this new life to feel a connection and subsequent loss when things went wrong. I'm not trying to minimize the women who lose a child after that magical first trimester mark, or lose them after being able to hold them in their arms, that's never my intention. I just feel like society looks at the ones who you can physically see the life that's growing, with either a burgeoning belly or a baby in arms, differently. like because they were never really seen, they don't exist. maybe it's because that's all I have experience with...

i'll never forget my 2 little angels. the lives that could have been. how differently my life would be if either of them made it to the other side of the womb.

DH sent me a really thoughtful text mother's day morning and also tagged me in a post on FB.

"happy mothers day.

I know we stopped saying it aloud a long time ago

but I love you and you will always be a mom"

 

he was the only person to take the time to wish me a happy mothers day, or to even acknowledge that I'm a mother, even if they aren't in my arms.

I hope that there's a point in my future where i'm not hurt by this day. I wish even more that i can one day actually enjoy it as a mother to living child. I don't know what the future holds for me, i just hope that it does include a great guy and some kids, even if they end up being stepchildren (since my dating pool will be 50% who already have kids and 50% who don't...).